Okay - first I need advice, and then a general question. I have a friend who I sleep with regularly - we are both loners and so enjoy a bit of physical contact now and then. Problem is I want to move on but don't feel comfortable looking to get a date while sleeping with someone else... I know I should put a distance between us - but she keeps trying to convince me it's okay to keep sleeping together right up until I find someone else... Obviously she has problems but I'm not sure whether to cut her off completely or still work at being friends (friends is hard as she likes sex ALOT and will do anything to get me interested). Question - can you be fuckbuddies with someone without emotions becoming involved?
I know as a guy I should just keep quiet and take advantage of the situation - but I won't feel good if I meet someone special and then say - "Oh and here's ### - I fucked her six ways from Sunday last night but now I'm yours...." And I can't just trust what the girl says (that she's cool with being my Friday night 'thing' - because she's six years my junior (21 vs 27) and doesn't know when to make the hard decisions that are best for her in the long run...
Yeah - but at what cost to her? If she can't make the hard decision to stay away shouldn't I make it for her in the interests of what is best for her?
Unfortunately, emotions are an unstable element when it comes to fuck buddies. You never know when you're getting too attached, or if the other person is getting too attached. I've had a few fuck buddies in the past. One thing that has worked in the past is not doing it frequently. Make sure you hang out as friends more often than as sexual partners. You might want to consider more than one fuck buddy so they know there's no attachment. But then you are in a multiple partner situation and need to be careful there as well in regards to health and safety. Seems that you're in a position where you're in a substitute relationship. And it is hard to keep your eyes open for potential dates when you're doing someone else on a frequent basis. Might be in your best interest to cut things off for at least a little while. If she can't handle that, then maybe you need to reevaluate the situation you're in.
I think I may have been in a similar situation. If this girl truly is a friend, you need to do yourselves both a favor and stop having sex. If she doesn't get it (sometimes it's really hard to see past all that sex, people have a way of tricking themselves that they are okay with it when they're not)) then you might have to take a break on the friendship as well. She may, or may not, resent you now but it will be better for both of you in the long run.
About the only time we get together these days is for sex - and I've even tried to limit that (I use Speed every friday night so I can stay up and write all night and unfortunately it works as a strong aphrodisiac on me...) And yes - I've looked for other fuck buddies (don't we all??) but only the rare girl seems willing
I think you're right - at least that's what my conscience has been telling me. But unfortunately this girl really has no other friends and her family treats her like shit. I feel responsible for her - if I'm not there who will be? It sounds like a cop out but it's true - and just being friends is difficult because she always instigates things in a way that makes it extremely difficult to resist... Can I ask what your situation was?
Maybe I'm just totally missing something here, but why don't you just make your fuck buddy your girlfriend if you get together that much anyway ? It would solve the problem of running off your buddy to look for a girlfriend really quick.
Coz we're fuck buddies and not 'lovers' - it's purely a physical thing (at least for me). It would be a good solution if it were more though...
I had a fuck buddy for about a year (not including the summer) it was when i was at college. It worked out fine, we were just friends and would hangout like i do all my other friends. I think eventually though it got a little out of control and emotions started getting involved. You need to know when to break it off, if fuck buddies is all you want it to be.
i dont like the idea of fuck buddies. although ive hooked up (but not had sex with) almost all of my friends. (what can i say we love eacother) Peace love and laughter Amanda Long live bacchanal!
"Yeah - but at what cost to her? If she can't make the hard decision to stay away shouldn't I make it for her in the interests of what is best for her?" That's really stupid. You should always act in your own self-interest, no matter what the situation.
yes...I had a best friend that got out of a long relationship. We started having sex. I knew he really wasn't in a place to get into another relationship but we had always connected on so many levels and had even fooled around before. This was the first time we had sex though. At first I was okay with the idea of casual sex with him, but the more we hung around and the more we had sex, my feelings got mixed up. I thought I wanted a relationship with him. I talked to him about it and he said that he didn't feel the same. After awhile I got resentful. We would go out to bars with a group of friends and I would get extremely jealous if he would flirt with another girl. We are still friends but it took awhile and truthfully our friendship really hasn't been the same since. My advice to you is this: she is not your girlfriend so you should not feel responsible for her. If you really do care at all about her, then cutting out your sexual relationship is the best thing you can do for her in the long run. And maybe you should not have her around when you are doing speed.
