she couldnt open her eyes but she couldnt keep them closed she was more afraid of what she wouldnt see her hands were clasped over her ears they wouldnt move fear held them there it showed her what she wouldnt hear she felt so comforted in the dark in the never ending questions she didnt want answered maybe it would tell her what she didnt want to know... she could taste the bitter sweet tension in the air childrens laughter behind her wisdom in front turmoil inside... something clicked and she remembered the smell of rain she could feel it on her face trickling down her cheeks wetting her body... she laughed and cried she was feeling what she didnt want to feel... she couldnt open her eyes but she couldnt keep them closed so she lingered in the darkness where she didnt want to be... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Please be kind. i wrote it mostly because of how i was feeling, obviosuly. i'm not sure that i want criticism, but any comments you make are appreciated. i know its possibly cliche, but its how i was feeling at the time, and it will just be a written reminder of that moment.
It began to click for me with 'the smell of rain...' When we universalize experience we grow closer to our readers. Keep at your writing!
I didn't find it cliche, if its how you were feeling then its sincere and what is poetry but sincere expression of the soul. I thought it was beautiful. About the sideways heart thing, I haven't a clue.
