Evolving from Bisexual to Gay...

My wife and I have had discussions lately since my recent engagement with Tom the other day. He and I have been "Suck-Buds" for 12 years now but the other day we engaged ourselves into a more passionate level while showering before our regular oral exchanges. I even whispered "I Love You" in his ear which I've never done with any man. I think my days of being bisexual have evolved into more of a gay relationship with him. I've always had more sex with him versus my wife or his wife. I still enjoy sex with both of our wives, but I am feeling I reached a point where I desire him more than either of our wives. I don't see this as a bad thing, and my wife whom I love dearly has stated she understands why I would feel this way.

Has this happened to others out here?

 

Not with me, and I think I know why.

Early on in life I decided that if I had both male and female characteristics, perhaps other people did also. What a revelation, especially in a culture that thinks men are totally different from women, and that you must be either one or the other and nothing in between.

So then, as I had relationships with people along the entire gender spectrum, I found that almost all of them had the same basic needs. I continue to choose my sensual and affectionate relationships based on personality, not on what I consider to be a false male-female choice. I can only maintain a long-term relationship based on love and mutual respect, not on sex alone. Those long-term respectful relationships are the best, no matter how a person describes their gender.

 

Has this happened to others out here?

Yeah, happening with me I reckon......and not uncommon I think.

Simon

 

I'm not shocked by what took place and how I felt. He and I have been close for 12 years now sucking each other off 2-3 times a week so I guess it was bound to happen. I just never expected such an emotional, arousing sensation when engaged in passionate kissing with him. I'm sure it's going to change how we interact from now on. I'm planning on discussing the matter and situation with my wife and would like him to discuss it with his wife as well.

 

For me its difficult to separate sex from any emotion at all. I didn't gravitate toward sex with men until my 40’s. And even then only dabbled, and it was difficult for me to to reconcile my Christianity with the very strong desires I have had most of my adult life.my story is very similar to Papa’s. It seems the more I get into the weeds of biblical translations and understanding them the less I seem to know. The Christian church has shot it’s self in the foot with the characterization of sexuality as black and white when it seems in the world we live in is far from it.
So at this point, this side of me is hidden from view of others that would not accept it and only is visible to those I choose.

 

If your wives are cool with you guys having fun with each other, why open that can of worms?Do you think your wife would feel differently watching you passionetly kissing him? While they might find it hot and exciting that you both are sexually Bi/gay. The emotional aspect of kissing is a different story. My wife told me that she didn't have any problem with us sucking and fucking each other, but she would feel different watching us kiss. For us, at our age, its just sexual, not emotional

 

I wonder if thier wives are as open as they are

 

Papa. That is so honest and seems like a common theme with a lot of us old guys. We have lived many lives. I like to bank it all as wonderful experiences. And we grow.

 

Very well said I can sure relate with this

 

Not evolving so much as there isn't a woman in my life right now. Finding another woman who is bi wild and kinky isn't easy

 

My wife already knows that if she "goes" before I do that, I'll never try to seek out a replacement. She's irreplaceable and I have several male partners to full-fill my sexual needs. It will be nothing but man sex.

 

I think if you are already fucking other guys you have crossed that line of actually being with men. If that evolves to more men sex or becoming "Gay" I think it's a choice. If you wanna be gay be gay. If you don't continue on.
I'm attracted to women but I want to experiment. I'm not interested in having a relationship with a Man. Anything else is a possibility, it's just sex.

 

I evolved from bi to gay at age 23. I was bi and every relationship I had with a woman ended badly I have problems when it came to sex with woman. I got out of a bad relationship with a woman right before I turned 23 and decided I'm going to really explore my gay side and that year I went crazy and found myself found my happiness found what really satisfies me and that I am way more into men than I ever was women. By 25 I fully accepted and embraced being gay and that I am 100% a total bottom. Best decision of my life!

 

I don't necessarily think he's saying that he wants to be gay, but that he's leaning more towards the gay side of the spectrum these days.
I honestly don't think what he's feeling is all that uncommon amongst bisexual guys, especially bisexual guys who are bottoms

 

I think it's more the aspect that he is becoming open to being bi-romantic, at least with his long time friend Tom? Which I agree with you is leaning more towards the gay end of the spectrum, but not becoming gay? If he had no sexual, or romantic attraction to women at all, that'd be a different story. But he does, even though he wouldn't seek out another woman if widowed.

I think the aspects of hetero, bi, and homo romantic trip up alot of us bi, bi curious, or even straight guys who initially, or mainly just want sexual fun with another man, and nothing else besides friendship. Many don't even want friendship, only sexual encounters and then go their separate ways forever, or unless they play again.

If there were no STI's, I'd be more open to just random sexual encounters. But I need at least some connection of friendship & trust for the risks M2M entails.
Who knows, if I ever get on PrEP someday, that may change my thinking? But that's a tangent for another thread.

 

We don't know about many things until we cross that bridge. Its attitude adjustment and finding a solution for your situation.

 

If your wife and his wife is ok with your gay relationship with him then that's all that matters.
I'm just curious as to how your wives feel about you and him having more gay sex together than either of you have with your wives.
I also don't think it's uncommon at all to develop feelings and fall in love with someone that you've been having sex with for as long as you've been having gay sex with him. I'd say that's a pretty normal thing to happen.
Do you think telling your wife (or his) that you're evolving from bisexual to gay is going to affect how your wife views you moving forward?