I have suddenly realised how much everybody has grown up and changed I suppose because for almost two years I have been away from my friends out of college a bit. The other day I spoke to my friend Jon as I remembered him - a boy who was revising for GCSEs.... And then he told me that he was doing his AS levels now. . He used to be very shallow, but now he is fantastically easy to hold a conversation with. Then, coming on here - people who I spoke to two years ago seem to have really come into themselves - seem to have formed their characters even more and suchlike. I'm trying to think of how I was two years ago, at fifteen going on sixteen. I suppose I have changed such a lot too. Become a lot less moulded by the youth cultures and a little less worried about who I am and how I 'represent' that. A whole lot more introverted on the surface, extroverted on a deeper level. How do you think you have all changed? How were you two years ago? Is this the same for the older generation? It is definately emphasised in the teenage years, because those are the 'fledgling' years in a way, where the ouside world has to be tested and explored alone for the first time. May be i'm just talking silliness Love, Sunny xxx
I had a similar realisation the other day. I have only ever lived in one place and therefore a lot of my friends I have known my whole life, they are the people I have grown up with. We are all finishing are A levels and most of us will be heading of to university in the not so distant future. Everyone is going off to a completely different place to study a completely different subject. At one time we were all so similar which is why we became friends in the first place; but now, we seem to have very little in common and it seems unlikely that if we met for the first time now half of us would never make friends. It seems strange that we have all become such different people when we all have similar upbringings and have experienced the same sort of things together. I do in some ways miss the way we used to be, but now everyone seems so fascinating. It seems amazing that we are all ready to properly stand on our own feet at last. Two years ago, even a year ago, I would never have expected my life to have taken this path. The things that I plan on doing when I leave college would probably have never crossed my mind then, and if they had they would have never seemed very likely. I used to be so stupid, so naïve, so innocent and although life isn’t necessarily better now I am glad that I am passed all that now. I wouldn’t go back for the world. It is likely that when we all leave Preston a lot of us will grow apart and I’m not sure how many of them I shall keep in touch with. But I do feel truly honoured to have spent time with these people that are quickly becoming…themselves.
Pretty hard thinking back to my 15-16 year oldness. Shy, unsure, nervous, paraniod, over-thinking, Achne-ridden, unpopular, to an extent although thinking back to it not nearly as bad as i thought at the time. Funny that, how looking back things didn't seem so bad at times but being in the situations it seems like the whole worlds falling apart - but knowing i servived and where i am today i can only be thankful i carried on exploring and growing from that point onwards. I'd have to say i was unhappy i suppose and trying to find my way, trying to understand myself - the world around me too. But with this age, i guess i was finding new courage in myself too, an ability to stand up for myself. Which i think has grown into something new now i am 18.. 18 blimey. I still feel about 15?! I walk about, i talk to people i can't believe it. Still i feel i am this little chubby girl, who isn't nearly old enough to worry about anything, of any serious importance past who's next to befriend me or who i am next to befriend and care about. Things have got so fast now, education.. alevels are hurling themselves at great speeds at me.. i mean i had my first exam in January ... where'd that come froom!? *sighs* Education, education atleast my veiw doesn't seem to have changed thewre "it'll be alright, whatever happens. you'll be fine" haha.. oh dear. i need to reivse some more. Everyones grown up, people i have known and go on to know.. finidng out their pasts shows only to well how much time changes us. In the past two years we've all i am sure gone through some serious changes, university, counserling, relationships have come and gone, friendships new and old. Man so much so much almost to much to remember. But its amazing how you can feel like in yourself not a thing has a change, but on relflection.. really a great deal has a change and its all such a surprise when you really take the time to pause and think! Maddness.. but a wonderful one at that.
It seems so intense at that school to college/work stage because at that age you really are starting to become 'yourself'. Parents (most of them) are starting to let you go, adults generally start holding 'adult' conversations with you and you start to be seen as an individual. So naturally the transition from 15 to 17/18 is gonna be quick and intense as some of the boundaries are removed from you. But Sunny, it doesn't change as you get older, not really. There are those who don't ever want to change and so they'll always be in the same place - sometimes they can be a marker for those who are changing. For me personally, I want to keep changing, I want to become the best person that I can and to realise my full potential and that finding could and probably will take the whole of my life. So many things affect us, relationships, work, death, life etc etc and with each new experience we evolve (hopefully!). I'm always amazed at how different I feel to 5 years, 1 year or even 6 months ago. So, in my opinion, there will always be change - some slow, some fast. As change is good (allegedly) embrace it! As hard as that can sometimes be.......
i'm trying my best not to change...i don't want to...some days i do..but that's just overdue teen angst coming through... other days i just want things to go back to how they were...but i know that not possible...it's just the natural order...i wish things had stopped exactly where they were when things were perfect...but i suppose it's all part of the same learning curve...
Arg 2 years ago *thinks back* right i would have been at brit school... in the mid of my first year... Back then i drank a lot, was very loud and out going, incredibly anti drugs of any kind (not necesserily a bad thing) and head over heels in love with someone i had just lost (first love sindrome i fear) Its strange how as i got older, the more time i spent at brit, the more i lost my outer confidence. I dont feel that comfortable around large groups of people any more, i dont go to pubs or clubs with more than 3 people unless i have jaycee there so as i feel safe. I suffer a lot more from anxiety. However i like me now more. Back then i still had the fear i just hid it behind an overactive, over loud, over confident mask. Back then i hada best friend who i felt comfortable enough to roll across a reception area at ocllege tickeling, i could jump on him and know he'd catch me... and we didnt care what others thought cos we werre having a lot of fun. Now that persons still with me but i have to do these things alone..... and if youve ever tried jumping onto yourself and catching yourself... its a hard task let me tell you Nah i just mean that being at university has made me realise how hard i find it to really make friends, me and Jaz were very lucky to find each other at brit because at the time we werre two very similar minds looking for a friendly face, and we found each other. However at university there doesnt appear to be many lost people looking for a friend. That brings me to another thing, my drop and go life ive always led. Im a traveling soul, hence why i have no friends left that i have known over 2 years because i move on so much. I keep in contact with my "first love" because as different as we are we had a connection and he is my connection to my young teens, aside from that there is no one from highschool i speak to. Jaz is the only person from college i speak to. I see people who have had friends their whole lifes and think that such a wonderful thing to do, to grow so much with one group of people. However i embrace my ability to move about so much, gives me so much freedom and i meet so many wonderfull people along the way. College changed me a lot i lost confidence indeed, but i grew out of the gothic "look" i felt i needed to be secure, i went back to my roots so to speak and saw my dad as my idol and just wanted to expeiance life like he did, and i still do. After college i experianced "uuup nooorth" for the first time (amazing that how id traveled a large amount of the world but never gone further north than mid wales) and a summer of fun, festivals and frolics. Me now. I dont drink very often, dont see the point of it when i have as much fun sober. I do shrooms occasionally but after having a few months of being a total stoner, and a month of living in a house of acid/e/k heads and watching people gurn their faces off at raves ive realised that for me drugs arent that recreational. I dont have a large friennd group, however i have a select few with whome i consider friends its them i love and respect most. I feel myself at a big big changing point in my life and i have slowly been approaching this edge for about a year and it will soon be time for me to jump into the crazy world of life .... man am i excited
everyone is growing - its quite scary. i used to hang out with some people my age now, and i thought they were so cool and big and awesome, but now i've reached the age, i don't get it! older people are SO much older until you get to their age, and then you don't realise why you hyped........ and a load of my friends i used to see only on weekends now have jobs or have moved away for uni or something, and now i never see them EVERYONE MAKE THE BEST OF YOUR CURRENT AGE! dunno what makes 16 better than 18 or 20 or 30... but i'll make the most of it! (maybe the fact that i'm not really expected to work at all)
its so strange you posted this as i was thinking a similar thing teh other day. its all related to how i feel after turning 20. i met up with a friend i have known since i was 4 and we have always been really close although we haven't seen each other in a while. i was talking to her about how i think i have changed so much and how when i go back 'home' to montrose i don't feel like i fit in a t all-as if i ever did but thats another story.... she made a comment that made me smile deep down inside, she said that she never thought i had changed at all, that i was still the same person as i was years ago, all along. at first i never understood but now i do. peoples perceptions of me have changed in time, they now see more of the person that i am because its now more acceptable and its taken them time to accept who i am. whereas people, like my best friend, who have always known me deep down see the same person. essentially i have not changed, my ideals are the same as when i was 4 years old,i still see the world in a similar fashion and i still see the things i want to make a difference to. what has changed however, is now i know the ways in which i can go about doing such things. i have more oppotunities and people will take me a lot more seriousely now that i am older and viewed as having had more 'life-experience'. but i havent changed, not really.im still the same nomy as i was when i was saving gannets when i was 7 or adopting a tree when i was 6..... oh the memories and the potential of more to come namaste and memories x x x
