Establishing a platonic relationship

I love people. Talking to them, hugging them. I really do. Every person out there is a potential friend because each one of them can teach me someting new, help me understand this complex reality.

It just happens, that some guys think I've got particular motives for approaching them. Usually it is a great sorrow and disappointment to me to see that they only have had sexual motives for talking to me. When all I ever wanted was talking to them and loving them. Yes, loving them, yet not as a potential partner but platonically.

If they kiss me, it makes me believe that what I think doesn't matter. I don't matter as a person to them. Only if they can have sex. They don't care for me. They don't care for my thoughts, but for my body.

It is sad, because it usually means that I can't see them anymore, and that they won't talk to me like before. This has happened repeatedly, and it has changed the way I feel about learning to know people. And if I can't do that, life is dull. I don't want to go around full of fear of being kissed. I don't want to be scared.

Can anyone really relate to this? I'd like to know how to make a person know that I don't want intercourse or a boyfriend. It's not like I'd ask the person, in case everything would be ok this could damage the friendship.

There's someone I recently learned to know. We've had great philosophical conversations. However, I now fear that he might try something. He's older than me, aproximately 10 years, it doesn't matter. Age, gender, religion...it's all insignificant to me. What matters is what they think and what they feel. Any ideas, how could I make sure he doesn't misinterpret me? How could I avoid being misjudged? Is there anything one can do if a friend reveales that they love you in a way that is not appropriate?

 

You have to tell them, clear as day, a head of time that you aren't looking for a relationship from them. I mean, literally say you just want to be friends with them, that you love and respect the friendship you guys have. Leave NO misconceptions about it

 

But when is a good moment to start talking about something like that? And how should I say it?

 

omg I totally get what you're talking about. Us guys kind of suck- I mean, guys really aren't usually actually "into" a girl they want to fuck, but they have to make like they are to get to the fucking. Many guys don't have a single real female "friend." (I'm included in this, but not because I'm a mega-asshole, more because I'm socially awkward and have only one real friend anyway). I know it sucks, but don't be surprised when a man you met for friendship turns out to be so predictably asshole-ish. How do you avoid being misjudged? Do what murria said. Trust me though, even after making it clear there will be guys who'll still try. Lots of em.

 

first up, some people are just after you for one thing, has to be accepted. But some guys will want you as a gf but will accept it if you dont, and then still wanna be friends too. So dont get too freaked by it. If you get suspicions, try and subtly hint your not interested. Some girls have done that to me and it set the tone of the relationship early.

 

How can love be inappropriate? Boys and girls were destined by the gods to bow to that wanton streak once in a while - thus negating the platonic. Plato's so-called platonic relationships worked because they took place between persons of different gender persuasion. I have carried on a delightful relationship with a lesbian couple for years. The three of us even take trips together. I don't let even the least desire get in the way, 'cause I know it is a lost cause. On the other hand, I have an understanding relationship with a glorious woman friend with whom I have spent a few off and on nights in the sack. Really great relationship without need for sex except once t'while. Sort of like Blanche and "Bushman awaits!" in the Golden Girls. But I'm afraid what you seek, m'dear, is beyond the reach of mere mortals blessed with healthy libidos. Go on!, enjoy a roll or two, then get on with the philosophy. Especially with an older guy. If he hasn't committed to a relationship by now, you're not in much danger - and the warning signs will be obvious, oh! so obvious, when they come. I know because I recently gave myself away and am back on the street! Wanna have a philosophical conversation?

 

It must be due to the patriarchal legacy that this comes across as difficult...

You know, humans are, not just boys and girls. I think it is a pity that people wont make friends more open mindedly.

 

Go ahead, blame all your troubles on men! We can handle it. And....what other kind of humans are there? OOOooohhh, I get it. The twenty year old can't handle thinking of all humans as boys and girls. Sorry! It's just that my gramps (seventy something) has always referred to Granma and himself as that. Guess it's contageous. Anyhow, how can you be a true barefoot lass that close to the arctic? And I challenge you to explain how my answer above is not open minded? PS: whose your favorite poet?

 

Back on topic -

Barefootlass:

Your "affections" and way you approach people may be over the top for a lot of people. Sure, be yourself but if you REALLY cared, I think you would also be more considerate of how your actions and words are interpreted by others - therefore, curbing some of your behaviour. Kissing and hugging is generally* not done in "american" culture. I think YOU know what you're doing, or signals you're giving to others that may give them the wrong interpretation.

* "generally" for those over-eager to prove how deeply they can tonguefuck with their platonic friends.

 

its in his eyes , if he locks eyes with you or trys to ,you can never be freinds , he fancies you its as simple as that ,if you are a very pretty girl then im afraid you stuck with being a sex object in all mens eyes , sorry but thats the way it is , if he really does not fancy you then you can be friends,males only have one emotional centre that means its either off or on, you lucky girls have got quite a few so you can control your emotions , im sorry but we cant , we can only fight them

 

I wear shoes in winter and when I am in the city, which seems to be most of the time now. I live in northern europe, which is warmer than the same latitudes are in other places on earth. What is a true barefoot lass? Sylvia Plath.

You make it sound like it is impossible to be in a platonic relationship with a female. I think you thus are exluding a lot of beautiful people from your life.

 

I don't know what you're talking about with the tonguefuck thing.
I am trying "to be more considerate of how your actions and words are interpreted by others". See the point of this thread?

 

tonguefuck = making out/french kissing