Hi guys, I just wanted to ask the community to see if this is really a case of ego death in my case, because I'm not sure. I have taken acid several times in the past but this is the first time I've experienced something like this. So I've always been the type of person that thought public image was really important, and would just be the "chill type" and cool guy so I would never look weak on the surface or say anything stupid that give people a bad impression. Yeah, another one of those guys. Inside I know I also used to judge people based on simple mannerisms that shouldn't even be noticed in the first place (I was pretty damn judgmental). Fast forward to the trip which was July this summer, and me and one of my friends were having a good time, talking shit (jokingly) about anything and anything we could think of. We were reminiscing about each other and each other's flaws and stupid shit the other person used to do when something hit me so fast and so hard that I just froze. Talking about my flaws like it didn't faze me felt like the heaviest weight got lifted off my body when I never knew anything was there. My "cool kid" persona got completely shattered on that day. I saw everyone from that day forward as my equal, no better or worse, and that I didn't owe anyone anything to the level where I had to change myself to better fit social situations. I came to the realization that life is hard enough as it is let alone worrying about what other people are doing in relation to what you should do next. So what do you guys think? Do you feel this was a case of ego death? P.S I feel so much better these days and I feel I live each day with so much more clarity than I was when I seemed more narrow-minded about attitudes.
Glad you had such a powerful experience, I'd characterize that more as an ego softening experience with some quality introspection. I would not consider that an ego death experience however, Ego death refers to a more transcendent experience where the sense of self becomes inseparable from the enviornment. It's likely you wouldn't have much conversing admist an ego death experience on entheogens, perhaps something more along the lines of glossolalia (speaking tounges) if you were to emit sounds.
It seems you got a glimpse of ego death. Or like Guerilla said, not an ego death, but ego softening. Its a great step though, to break through that cultural conditioning. You ideas of being "cool" can not hold their weight under vast expansion of consciousness that is an Lsd trip. I am glad it opened your mind and got to experience life without hierarchys for some time. If you use it again you most likely have an even deeper ego deafening experience. Terrence Mckenna put a good way, when you are with others while tripping, there are actually three parties there. You, the other persons, and culture. Culture is the third party that shows up unexpectedly. It is hard to have full on ego death with others because you still want act socially acceptable. If you are putting your leg over your head and chanting gibberish in front of your friends, you might try to stop yourself for looking silly in front of your friends instead of just going with the flow. You might think, "i hope they don't think im crazy, better act cool and not do that". Or you might try to uphold conversations about normal things you would talk about, cracking jokes you would usually crack or telling stories, etc. When you are alone nobody is watching, so you are more likely to just do whatever you feel like, and there no one to tell stories to so you go deeper inside yourself.. I would like to bring up a personal experience just because it is a clear case of ego death. The transition from normal mindestate to egoless happened as a very conscious event. I was on mushrooms with some friends and we were at friends relatives house while they were away for the weekend. It was a new environment for most of us so it was very interesting to adapt. Now just like Mckenna said, there was that third party of culture there most the night. We were telling jokes about each other, and we were trying to think of things to do. As the night went on our egos started breaking down we started rolling around on the floor, acting like we 2D characters moving our bodys sideways across the floor. We began to laugh hysterically at the patterns in a fly swatter and other things in the room. Then it happened, at some point everything changed, I stopped moving around the floor and just sat still. I could no longer move, I could no longer communicate to my friends, I no longer cared that I was on the floor. Something changed, it felt like my mind split open, like literally I could see and feel my self cracking open like an egg. Everything got brighter, like everything looked like it was made of light instead of matter. It was total break down of the ego, and everything I was looking at started coming from the inside-out. I turned over and looked directly at the bottom of a fridge, at a filter at the bottom of the fridge. The filter said "Pur", and thats exactly what happend, I was pure consciousness. The filter turned into a sanctuary, these tentacles things grew out of it and made this shape almost like a cathedral, and felt like I was in this space, like a king in his throne. It was like the throne of the soul, and I was free to manipulate the space in any way I pleased. It was extremely fluid and yet stable, it could be changed at any moment at will. All sorts of psychedelic imagery of the highest aesthetic level went on in there. Nothing else in the world mattered, there was no tomorrow, there was no to do, nowhere to go, there was just that space. The rest of the night I did not come out the space, the tv was on in the background, but I was in a world far beyond any tv show, in the inner world. Culture had left the table, it was being before culture was implanted into it. The Pur State You'll know when it happens to you, it is a complete breakdown of everything. You are literally put into a whole other dimension of existence. It could happen anywhere, you computer screen can become the throne of the soul, that place where reality becomes free of its boundaries, in that timeless space. Where anything you imagine becomes your reality, and all you imagine is a place of supreme peace and exquisite aesthetic. I hope you reach there, youll see what I am talking about!
My input, I think ego loss/ego softening and ego death may be different. Ego loss obviously being a more extreme temporary kind of ego softening. While I think both are probably the same experience when you have 'em, ego death seems to imply that the boundary between self and nature is gone permanently. Like an elevated consciousness is achieved permanently through reason rather than intution. I've definitely had introspection similar to yours but in a completely different way. To be honest I don't believe in ego death, I think it's in human nature to feel a strong sense of identity. But I guess if you can convince yourself that the ego is truly an arbitrary human construct you could do it, I just think our instincts are too strong. I like what inthy said tho "Terrence Mckenna put a good way, when you are with others while tripping, there are actually three parties there. You, the other persons, and culture. Culture is the third party that shows up unexpectedly. It is hard to have full on ego death with others because you still want act socially acceptable." I did shrooms with friends and I think it facilitated the introspection but kind of kept me grounded in the reality of society. That could be why I don't believe in ego death.. come to think about it.... nahhhh mean??? lol Cheers and check out my other post puffy, not informative to what you asked, just a different take.
This sounds like a moment of clarity, maturation, perspective. Ego death is much more of an extreme state that, as far as I know, can only be reached through application of psychedelics or through fairly lengthy and rigorous effort. It coming out of nowhere upon you is much, much rarer than winning the lottery, according to the musings of history and spirituality. It sounds like a personal stepping stone in growing up.
