Double Standard Gender Roles

I'm all for a classless society and all. I'd take raising kids over comuting to a "career" any day. oh man, watching cartoons and eatting fuity peebles all day.... But it seems like females in general only want to demolish the gender roles that they think are degrating. Of course there should be no reason why women can't have the same oppurtunities in life as men.

Buuuuttt... how come women will cling with all thier strength to the idea that men shouldn't be getting sweeter oppurtunities. while there's nothing wrong with, but at the same time they aren't willing to give up thier gender role when it comes to courtship/relationships.

I.E.... I want to get paid just the same as a man, yeeeet I want men to persue me if their going to get anywhere close to me (relationship wise).

Like how girls just happen to keep falling for the cocky guys. It seems like they're too accepting of thier role of as the pursueie (as aposed to the pursuer).

anyone get what I'm saying? anyone gonna say "nah ah, not me, your crazy"?

 

Well, as a stay-at-home mother to three children, I can say that you're living in a dream land if you think that you'll be sitting around watching cartoons and eating Fruitty Pebbles all day. That's an insult to what I do, day in and day out, 24 hours, 7 days a week. If you're a deadbeat parent, yes, maybe you WILL sit around and do nothing all day, but believe me, that couldn't be further from the truth at my home.

I'm trying to decipher the rest of your post but I'm having a hard time understanding it quite honestly.

Peace

 

Let's see, since I have been with my man I have been the breadwinner in the household. Now the roles have changed because I am in school and working part-time, but they will change again once I am out of school because then my husband will be going.

Also, my husband is not cocky (although he will tell you he inherited the jerk gene, which seems true at times) and when we were dating we wernt all bent up on who is persuing who. Women persue men, it isn't unheard of...but women that openly persue men are many times considered (and called) sluts, where as the men are just being men. I don't think any woman can make it through her youth without being called a slut at some point by someone. So I can see how society can discourage women from feeling comfortable chasing men.

 

Well, I want a man to be the pursuer, but that isn't gender-role based. It's relationship based. It's the fact that I don't want to have to be the one in control of every single aspect of every relationship I'm in. The fact that I HATE being in control and making decisions, especially for other people, yet am constantly forced to be the one who leads, the one who makes decisions (especially for school group projects). If I were in a girl-girl relationship, I'd feel the same way about my partner - wanting them to be in control, them be the pursuer.

Any relationship where I have been the pursuer have turned out badly, because of my partner's more submissive attitude. Because I've pursued them, they feel like I do want to wear the pants, be the one in control. So not true, I'm just impatient.

When I call myself a feminist, it's because I want equal rights for men and women. Equal pay, equal opportunities, equal treatment from society. One on one relationships can treat each other however they want to.

 

"Well, as a stay-at-home mother to three children, I can say that you're living in a dream land if you think that you'll be sitting around watching cartoons and eating Fruitty Pebbles all day. That's an insult to what I do, day in and day out, 24 hours, 7 days a week. If you're a deadbeat parent, yes, maybe you WILL sit around and do nothing all day, but believe me, that couldn't be further from the truth at my home."

I just want to second that...

 

Well, I fully plan on being a working mom of 4 eventually, so I'm not rejecting gender roles or whatever, I'm embracing both my womanhood and my intelligence. Personally, I want to have a family more than anything but I'm not going to waste 8-10 years in college to do nothing with my degrees. I also can't see myself ever being financially dependant on someone. Maybe if I marry the ruler of a small European country it would be different, but otherwise I need to make my own fortune for my children without worrying if my future husband will hold the same ambitions.

My boyfriend and I take turns on who pursues who, but generally it's him persuing me because that's his personality- he's more possessive than I am and also has a Prince Charming complex (which is great in it's own right).

 

I don't think gender roles are degrading at all but at the same time I do have very strong aspirations and i don't know if I could ever be a housewife and not work at least part time-I would go nuts not having my own life and idenity. i think it's all about compromise working hours that kids are in school one persons career is always going to be more important then the others and it usually isn't hte womens because that usually means she neglects her kids and that's horrible.

 

well, all i know is, fuck gender roles. whatever, whatever, i do what i want!

 

Some people are like that, staying at home isn't always the right thing for everyone. If it makes you unhappy, well, then the kids are going to suffer in the long run. For me, my kids ARE my life, and I'm smitten with the fact. Once they're older, well, I am planning on seeking at least part-time employment. I would go nuts if I had to be home all by myself with no interaction once the kids were older and had their own lives. But right now, I love what I'm doing and wouldn't want it any other way.

 

and this will be why my uterus will be solo for many years to come.

 

well. I want a career. and once again, fuck gender roles. I dont even want kids.

 

I'm not sure I understand the original post. However I think had you done some research you would find that regarding courtship and dating the gender roles are pretty much shattered as far as how it was only 25 years ago. Women ask men out all of the time now, and pay for dates. They call men, they have male friends, they date many men at a time and they don't get married at 18. I'm not sure of what you mean by women falling for cocky guys, neither I nor any of my friends have fallen for "cocky" guys, and I don't want my boyfriend to chase after me. That is silly and somewhat childish. Perhaps it is just the people you hang out with. I do things for Jer, and he does things for me. It is an equal relationship. We each have our strengths in different areas. He loves to cook and has taken cooking classes, I like to cook, but for parties and baking and stuff. So he does dinner most nights. I make the lunches in the morning. I like to clean, and I like it done my way, so I clean. He likes to fix the cars, so that is what he does, I like to take care of the yard so I mow the lawn. There aren't any silly laws or rules that we follow.

If a woman chooses to have a family and make that her top priority or feels that her calling is staying at home and making sure it is in working order (which is just as hard as making sure a business is in working order, if not more difficult) then so what? If a woman chooses to be a doctor or a cop or a writer, again so what. I personally would like to be able to find a balance between both. I feel that it is quite important for children to be close to a parent at a young age whether it be me or their father. Jer and I have discussed it and he said that he would work from home and take care of our future children if necessary. I said I would do the same. It all depends on what is going on in our lives at that time, where we are living, what jobs each of us hold. Again it is a partnership.

Maybe I just don't get what you are saying. If that is the case, please clarify. Otherwise I think you are wrong.

 

masculine feminists is just another name for butch lesbians.....

 

What hippiechickmama and starfairie said.



I don't get the Queen Bee analogy. Although I think my dh does feel like a drone, sometimes.

 

My dh never acts "fruitY as you put it. But he does feel like he was born to work, sometimes.

 

He doesn't WANT to be away from the kids and me, but someone has to make enough money for food, clothing, college and internet access. ( )

He NEVER goes without love.

 

"I don't think gender roles are degrading at all but at the same time I do have very strong aspirations and i don't know if I could ever be a housewife and not work at least part time-I would go nuts not having my own life and idenity."

The problem with gender "roles" is that it's too restrictive. Some women are "masculine"? Or is it that our views of "what a woman is" are too narrow? Some men are too "feminine"? Or is it that our views of "what a man should be" are too narrow? The point is nobody should feel like they're "trapped in a role" that they HAVE to do because they're a man/woman. That's the problem, not that people are ashamed to be streotypical (why?) but just that our views are too narrow. People don't fit into a box!!

Look, I love my son, no shame in being a proud mommy. I couldn't stay at home with him all day lol. Me and my husband spend most of our time off of work hanging out with Jeremy, because we love to be with him. Neither male nor female is superior in anything. There's no list of what your abilities are based on your genitals and hormone balance.