Dose anyone else get butthurt when your man dosnt want to have sex with you

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by BrokenHunny, Jan 15, 2005.

  1. BrokenHunny

    BrokenHunny Member

    I get so sad when my bf rejects me! I can understand once in a while not being in the mood, but latly it has been all the time. Like tonight I lighted some candles, turned off the lights and was waiting naked for him when he came home. And he just hugged me. I asked him if he wasnt in to me anymore and he said "its not u its me"



    errr
     
  2. Juggalo4ever

    Juggalo4ever KingoftheChubbyGirls

    Butthurt? :confused:

    One of four things is probably happening

    1. He's turned gay
    2. It's over
    3. He got herpes because
    4. He's cheating on you
    It's probably something else but thats what I think :D
     
  3. Juggalo4ever

    Juggalo4ever KingoftheChubbyGirls

    Maybe he's depressed, tell him to go to a doctor... no let me talk to him got him on here some time.
     
  4. Hanzo Sword

    Hanzo Sword Member

    If that's really your picture in your gallery then the man is insane.

    Have you ever denied him before? Could have something to do with that.
     
  5. BrokenHunny

    BrokenHunny Member

    It maybe because hes depressed. He hasnt found a job, and Im working 3 jobs so I think he feels like a failure maybe?
     
  6. ihmurria

    ihmurria fini

    um, perchance you two should sit down and have a real deep conversation about the issues at hand. Us random internet people don't have a lot of info on the situation, nor do we have a good handle on what's really going on. If you feel like the two of you can't talk about this very well on your own, there's always relationship counsellors.
     
  7. BrokenHunny

    BrokenHunny Member

    I tried talking to him and hes just like "I dont know whats wrong with me" err- and that just makes me feel worse like he just dosnt want to tell me. But i dono, mybe I should just let it go... Thanks for the advice!
     
  8. ihmurria

    ihmurria fini

    Sounds like you're giving up to me, brokenhunny.

    I know that sounds rude, but hey. If it matters to you, you should pursue it. If sex isn't that important to you, fine, let it go. But I find that if the sex has taken a downward turn in a relationship (not just once, but consistently) then something else is wrong as well. Maybe he's cheating, maybe he's having erectile difficulties, maybe he's started a new med that kills his sex drive, maybe he's too stressed and worried to deal with sex, maybe he doesn't love you anymore. It's hard to say.

    But don't you want to know?


    don't let him get away with "I don't know" or "it's just me" because inevitably there's a reason behind it.
     
  9. BrokenHunny

    BrokenHunny Member

    your right, I will get behind all this. and sex is really important to me. Not just for pleasure but I like just being close to him in that way
     
  10. lynsey

    lynsey Banned

    I bet that's the issue right there. If he's honestly trying and can't find one than thank him for the stuff he does around the house. If he's perfectly content not taking care of you than I would dump him, that's no way for you to have to live.
     
  11. Maggie Sugar

    Maggie Sugar Senior Member

    It is probably due to his depression. If he is doing a lot of drugs and or alcohol, that might contribute to it, too. I am sorry you are going through this.

    I know my dh gets all bend outta shape if I don't feel like it. It is rare for two people to have exact sex drives. One always wants it more than the other. So the one who wants it more gets feeling rejected (even though just not feeling like it is rarely a personal rejection, people who put a lot of emphasis on sex feel that way) and the person who doesn't want it as often feels put upon.

    Bear and I realized a long time ago that our sex drives, while relatively compatible, are not the same. He's a freakin satyr. I'm normal. LOL.

    But seriously, if your man is out of a job, it could be weighing really heavily on him, and not being active can make you want to be even LESS active. Is there anyway he could get some couseling, or you two could get couples counseling? It would really help.

    Blessings, I hope you relationships heals quickly,

    Maggie
     
  12. BrokenHunny

    BrokenHunny Member

    cant afford counceling* and we dont drink or do drugs-- I still cant help feeling that its me, you know?

    My tummy has been hurting alot latly (read other post) and yes my tummy pains are still happening but mostly at night is when I feel on the verge of throwing up. I think when I asked him if he thought I was preg. really freaked him out.

    I dono. Still no action almost a week and a half.
     
  13. headymoechick

    headymoechick I have no idea

    you know, I would be willing to bet that it is the amount of pressure of not having a job that is causing the problems. While it's very old fashioned, men are programmed to be the "hunters", the " providers" and such. My boyfriend has big issues with sex when he feels not so manly. Watching you work 3 jobs while he doesn't have 1 probably bothers the shit out of him. I know my man gets depressed and I only work 1! It makes him feel like shit inside and he can't perform well.

    Then again, with your mysterious tummy problem and the feeling that you can't shake, it could be a bigger problem. don't worry yourself sick, but listen to those 6th senses. Talk to him as much as you can and share with him how you are feeling.

    You also could have scared him with the pregnant thing. I had a scare once and my man wouldn't touch me with a ten foot pole!

    I hope you two can communicate and be honest and everything works itself out.

    much peace
     
  14. Maggie Sugar

    Maggie Sugar Senior Member

    Call the WYCA, a local womyn's shelter (they can help, even though there isn't abuse) and your local health department. There are a lot of places you can get sliding scale, or free counseling. Sometimes you can't affornd NOT to get counseling.
     
  15. Sera Michele

    Sera Michele Senior Member

    A week and a half is nothing. Me and my huby have gone a month before. We have these weird cycles where we will have sex like everyday for 2 weeks then not have sex for 2 weeks, and so on. We have a weird relationship though. Unlike any other I have been in. I like it =P

    I know that stress and depression really curbs my sex drive. Give things some time; a chance to straighten out, and get the communication going betweem the two of you. That's the best advice I can give.
     
  16. lynsey

    lynsey Banned

    oh and in the future never ever tell a guy you're pregnant untill you took a test it's not fair to them.
     
  17. BrokenHunny

    BrokenHunny Member

    Thanks for the tips--

    *Lynsey I didnt tell him I was, I asked him if he thought I could be with my tummy pains. But I agree you should never say your pregnant unless you know for sure.

    *Sera you and your hubby have gone a month? wow. I think the longest I have gone was two weeks. We usually have sex about 3-5 times a week for about 4 years.

    And last night he was in the mood! I told him for now on that Im not going to have sex with him anymore unless Im the one thats in the mood and I wont bow down to his needs, he shall bow down to mine. lol-(i was just being cute) and I guess that turned him on- *hehe*
     

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