Dont treat your girl bad, than she will cheat on you? Nice guys finish last?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by hebrewnational00, Feb 16, 2009.

  1. hebrewnational00

    hebrewnational00 Senior Member

    Is this true? I have been hearing it a lot, and im generally paranoid for no reason sometimes, but im supernice to my gf most of the time because i really care for her and love her. What do you guys think? right now its kind of long distance, and I AM nice, do girls usally cheat on nice guys? if a guy was a jerk to the girl wouldnt THAT create a reason to cheat like you would normally assume??

    lemme kno what you guys think please hehe
  2. blackcat666

    blackcat666 Senior Member

    everyone is right in what they are telling you.
    to keep a girlfriend you need to beat the living shit out of them every day, break every bone in their body at least every six months, call them every vile name in the book every day, and rape them every time they refuse you sex!

    yeah, right, that is going to get a girl to like and love you!
    let me ask everyone this; would you like and/or love anyone who treated you that way?

    the quote "nice guys finish last." is shit!
    most people have never been taught critical thinking skills.
    if they had, they would stop and question that saying and reality test it.
    "nice guys finish last." sounds like something that comes out of the marine corps boot camps, or out of corporate business schools.
    does it work to be mean?
    it no doubt will work in the short-term. YET, IT NEVER WORKS IN THE LONG TERM TO BE MEAN!
    if your not nice to others they won't have anything to do with you and, they will advoid you at all cost!
    if your mean to others, most likely they will be mean to you too and, seek ways to do you in!
    almost all philosophies and religions have some form of the 'golden rule' to them (treat others as you want to be treated.)

    now, as for "cheating;" what does the ideal of "cheating" mean to you?
    what does the ideal of "cheating" mean to your girlfriend?
    there is no one fix rule for what "cheating" is from one person to the next person.
    people grow and evolve over time. what one may reguard as "cheating" at say 15 years of age, may will mean something different at 30 years of age.

    listen, your 20 years of age, your still quite young. i'm 52 years of age and still quite realtively young.
    when i was 20, most people i knew were "cheating" on each other, there were several reasons for this.
    one of them was, that they were young, and being young they still needed to experence and explore being young.
    another one was, they just had not yet learned how to handle relationships too well as of yet.
    there were other reasons too, but these were the big two.

    you say you are suspicious of your girlfriends' actions.
    i was a psychotherapist for almost 17 years and over and over again i saw couples who had a "cheating problem." one of them was the "problem" the other was the "victim." i always had to stop myself from laughing at the "victim" who whined "how could you do this to me?"
    the "victim" never saw what they were doing and/or not doing to make their partner go and "cheat."
    your suspension your girlfriend could very well make her "cheat" on you because, she senses you do not trust her.
    it would be best for your relationship if you lay your cards on the table with her to re-establish your trust with her.
    i can't garantee this will save your relationship with her, but i do garantee if you stay as you are, most likely it will kill your relationship with her.
    life and relationships are extremly messy!
    i wish you both the best of luck!
  3. bigmannn

    bigmannn Member

    I would hate to say this isn't true. But I was very nice to my last 2 girl friends and they both cheated on me a few times. I think it definitely depends on the girl. Im not sure what it is but their are alot of girls that like to be treated bad. I dont get it lol. I'm still in search of answers myself.
  4. Buddha Fish

    Buddha Fish wanderin' fish

    i think you have to have a good balance of both
  5. seizedbyanger

    seizedbyanger Banned

    no, to keep a girlfriend you just have to have a backbone and don't let her walk all over you, theres no fun in that.
  6. sarahrei

    sarahrei ~Lover~

    Oh yeah, because if you treat us like shit it turns us on.

    We cheat when we get bored, plain and simple. If you treat me like shit your doing just that, treating me like shit which in the end makes you a asshole.
  7. hebrewnational00

    hebrewnational00 Senior Member

    I really dont think she is cheating to be honest.....
    But I really like her, I wanna stay in this relationship, I mean im never let anyone walk all over me, aspecially my gf lol, but im really nice, i want to see her happy, when she acts dumb or is annoying to me in any way i let her kno... u kno.. im not SUPER nice but im just a generally nice guy. If im not gonna be nice to my gf/ family/ freinds than who should i b nice to? fuck bein a dick, i hate when ppl are DICKS for no reason at all..
  8. Zorba The Grape

    Zorba The Grape Gavagai?

    Unless you have some actual reason to think she's cheating, don't worry about it. You're perfectly fine on general principle.
  9. Mothman

    Mothman Senior Member

    Just be who you are, nothing wrong or weak about being a nice guy. Decide where your boundaries are and be reasonable about your reactions to her crossing them, but never tolerate cheating. There are too many men out there tolerating that shit and too many women thinking they can get away with it. We get bored too but cheating is not the solution. Putting up with it is just as screwed up.
  10. 'nice guys finish last' is only for stupid girls.
  11. Well, I've often had this problem but in the reverse - women not liking "nice girls". I think both women and men get drawn to the "bad" ones because they see it as a challenge or they want to see what it's like. Fundamentally, I don't think nice guys or nice girls finish last.
  12. Mothman

    Mothman Senior Member

    Personally I've never been put off by nice girls. Bad girls are fun at first but often have trouble drawing a line for themselves before they become self destructive and lying comes easy to them. I don't know any guys that would pass up a pretty face because she was too nice.
  13. kate_spencer

    kate_spencer Member

    I don't think that's true.. if a girl will cheat.. then probably there's a reason..
    and whatever that is, surely that has something to do with them both (the guy and the girl)

    And with a guy being so nice, like super nice.. just agrees to the girl and doing everything to please her.. for me, is not that good in a relationship. Yes, I would be greatly lucky to have a bf like that.. who will treat me like a queen.. but if I'll be over dosed with goodness of the world I receive from him.. then I better do something to lessen that.. but I will not cheat. I'd rather talk to him about it.. and make an agreement with him that we should spend some times apart.. meaning, do some things on our own.. at least 2 times a week.. so we could miss each other.

  14. kinulpture

    kinulpture Member

    i kinda learned this the hard way. being super nice isn`t good. it`s only super nice. it makes a guy appear weak. & it gets worse when you`re being super nice to hold onto her. then you`re smothering her. then nothing matters anymore, she`ll leave anvway. she`ll find anything better than you.
  15. MaximusXXX

    MaximusXXX Senior Member

    Long distance relationships, as in, more than a 2 hour drive away are usually set to die.

    Sorry, experience.

    Now, being overtly nice in any relationship will open you up to exploitation by your girl, there are of course girls who may just be as weak in the " I love you sooo much " department as you, but don't count on that being the case.

    You should never say " I love you " too often, and you should never go out of your way for a date or a gift more than every 2-3 months.

    For the love of God do not start writing poems, that is a death sentence.

    Most women when assured their boyfriend is at their heels, will become very loose in commitment, most likely start spending time with other men they claim to be just friends, and etc.

    You need to find the medium, and it's hard, but that's life.
  16. AT98BooBoo

    AT98BooBoo Senior Member

    Nice guys don't finish last they finish in the shower.
  17. Musikero

    Musikero Supporters HipForums Supporter

    :iagree: I totally agree with you about the boundaries. Being nice doesn't mean letting people walk all over you. My wife and I talked about this when we were still dating. We both agreed on the following rules for our relationship:

    a.) No hitting - this goes both ways, as I do not like being hit any more than I like hitting.

    b.) No cheating - again, this goes both ways. We both trust each other on this one because we've both experienced being cheated on by our previous partners.
  18. kinulpture

    kinulpture Member

    yeh, in a way it`s almost "good" when both are on a rebound. this way are shared experiences. therefore repeat performances are less likely. luck can have a bit to do with it too. sometimes ya gotta gamble on whether or not your partner will respond positively.
  19. nigelnewbie

    nigelnewbie Member

    Good point - I've noticed that with people. A bad boy once told me that you should always look for a girl who love you, that way, the chances of her cheating on you is reduced significantly.

    And lastly, on this cheating business - i think it all boils down to one's belief and mentality. For me, I won't cheat on my gf no matter what, i've already made up my mind not to. If you got a girl/boy with that mindset, you're good to go. Some of my close girlfriends told me they won't ever cheat on their man, only if they cheat on them, they'll look for revenge. If you have a girl like that too, not too bad either cause you have to mess up for her to mess up.

    Now, there are some girls who just love sex like man so you could never guarantee they won't cheat on you. Where i live, we say don't trust pretty face girls, lol. and don't trust girls who are way too polite either, they are very much the worst of the lot. some of the very best girls i know actually get a bit worked up now and again.
  20. MrDot

    MrDot Senior Member

    If a girl cheats on a guy just because of how he is treating her, then well that's an excuse and that girl is a no good peice of shit. She should end it if that's the case, NOT cheat on him. DUH. If you cheat on a guy because they treat you bad doesn't make them look like an asshole, lmao, it makes you look like an asshole.

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