Hi, Advice needed...... I have been seeing my girlfriend for 4 months, and we get on great together. She has a young child, so we have to a balance time with all 3 of us, and time by ourselves. It works out quite well, as she has a good agreement with her ex husband for seeing the child. The problems is, as much as we seem to be fine, and have a great future together, and i also get on great with her young lady, she doesn't seem to very clear about how she feels about me. One minute she says she loves me, the next, she says she is unsure. Obviously i am confused....... Being in love has not been my thing, so this relationship is very important to me. I am prepared to give it up, if she really doesn't love me, but do not want to waste it. I do think she feels the same as i do, but is unsure about opening up. What do i do ? Stucky
what the hell does that mean? You are prepared to give it up??? Waste what? Your precioius time on this woman? No wonder she's unsure how she feels about you, if you are so willing to just "give it up"... My guess is she's protecting herself from being hurt. You have to show her that you are not going to hurt her, and you have to really mean it.
WHOA there momma, relationship = two-way street... He said he loves her, and she has said she is the one who is unsure... I do agree that we need to establish if: 1) you have told her you love her 2) she told you she loves you (without you asking her if she did... thats the worst..) 3) why is she so fickle, have you done something to make her unsure if she should not trust the relationship?
Stucky, It's only been 4 months. I'd allow her more time to reach a conclusion if I were you. She might be trying to determine whether or not this relationship will be "it" for her. Especially considering the fact that she has a young child, her being cautious of it is rather understandable. If, in the future, you become the girl's father and the marriage ends up not working out for whatever reason, she might become very emotionally traumatized by it. You have to take that into consideration as well. Patience is the key. Good luck!
Wow, this sounds really familiar to me. First things first; the comment about you being prepared to give it up if she doesn't love you is clearly something women can take the wrong way.. I know for me I can't turn off my feelings like a light switch, even if the guy doesn't feel the same way.. If I were to make that comment to someone he'd start wondering if he wasn't any more important to me than that that I could just 'turn away'.. She may very well love you but could be unsure of how fast things are taking place.. She's probably afraid of getting hurt, which is my problem in my situation, and fears that when she completely opens up to you that you'll decide you're no longer interested and bail.. For some (myself included) it's easier to assume the worst and keep your heart within reach rather than give it freely to someone and have it crushed on down the line.. I've cared very deeply about men and how they felt but I can also tell you, I care about my feelings as well.. I want to be able to fall asleep at night just like everyone else.. All I can tell you is that if you really love her and are sure of that, then show her and be patient with her.. Give her time to open herself up and don't assume that if she doesn't that she doesn't love/care about you.. Also, people come into our lives all the time that we aren't meant to be with.. Someone may come into your life, unexpectedly, but just as you need it, to help you do something you didn't think was possible and that person may move on.. You may never hear from this person again, but their memory will always be there.. Just try to enjoy each moment with someone you care about.. *tries to take own advice*
What is the rush? It's only been 4 months. Tell her how you feel and that you're wondering how she is feeling. But be prepared for a fairly uncertain answer. If I were divorced and had a small child, so had been seriously hurt before and needing to protect a child from being hurt again, I would take it at about a snail's pace. A man would need to be with me for a couple of years before I would start thinking about maybe marrying him. Within that picture, 4 months is nothing. Unless you two were good friends for a long time before you started dating, 4 months would be nowhere near long enough for the "L-word" yet. You barely know one another. And, yeah, indicating a willingness to move on if she is not ready to move as quickly as you are signals that she should probably get rid of you. If you're not willing to put in the effort to get past this, you're probably not husband material (a successful marriage takes a LOT of work and requires partners to be truly committed, not just in it as long as it's easy). Now, if you're suggesting that you're willing to walk away if she wants you to, that, as much as it means to you, you're not some crazy stalker type, good. But if that's what you're getting at, find a way to reword it so that you don't sound like some flightly whatever.
