Does Sexuality Shift? Confused Man Here

Hi, i'm am a 20 year old male. My story is slightly long.. but here we go.

My first real 'wank' was when I was 12 years old, It was over a woman, from then on my sexual attractions were exclusively to women, I would masturbate 2/3 times a day. Then when I was around 14 I decided to have a look at gay porn and it did turn me on however I did not look at it much maybe four or five times and was only sexually attracted to another man when watching porn strangely, I can never recall being out in public and getting an erection over a man, it was exclusively when I watched gay porn that this would happen. After that just carried on watching straight porn until I was 16. Despite this though it can be argued I've always been bi but just with like a 99% attraction to women.

When I was 16 my life as I knew it fell apart, I started suffering from harm ocd, the most horrific thing I have ever experienced in my life, it destroyed me as a person emotionally. An anxiety disorder in essence, in short there were violent images in my head 24/7, like watching the most excruciating horror movie, but it never ends. This detail is crucial, I lost interest in nearly everything including sex. This occured for three years. I kept quiet because i genuinely thought i was seriously mentally ill. However it was an anxiety disorder so i recieved treatment after telling someone and it does not bother me so much anymore.

Fast forward to 2014, my ocd situation has improved, my interest in sex has returned, however it seems to be exclusively to men and its not just when I watch porn anymore its all the time when I see a man. I have had maybe one genuine wank over a woman in the last 2 months. This is where my questions begin.

I don't want to sound homophobic but I'm scared that I will remain like this for the rest of my life. You have to understand that I've considered myself to be mainly straight all my life, the prospect of having to have a relationship with another man is only a concept that I've only recently thought about.

I'm clueless on this issue so I need some help. Is it a 'phase'? I mean you can't turn gay can you? After a few months will my interests in women perhaps return? What experiences do you guys have on this? im thinking to just go with the flow and not reject the urges towards men, ive been trying so hard to get erections over women recently but to no avail. As you can see I have written alot, I know the internet will never give me answer but some feedback would be nice

Cheers

 

If its just sex you're after.

What difference does it make what gender you have sex with?

 

I wouldn't worry about labels. I mean maybe you're bi and you just need to have feelings towards a specific woman in order to have attraction to women...

Maybe things that you think about have changed simply because you are curious to try something new to figure things out...

It could be a lot of things but I'm personally not huge on labels. I don't label myself for example because I don't see the point.

 

B

Because sex with a woman is the only thing I've ever really considered because for the majority of my life ive been sexually attracted to women. The idea of actually going out there and having sex with another man in so alien to me because of this.

 

sounds like youre getting no sex at all and scared to regroup.. just give it time and the right lady will come along.

 

It is quite possible that your interest in women may return. No one here can give you even an educated guess on that subject.

You live one life. At this time, you find guys attractive. Go for it, and have fun. Wasting your time and energy is no good.

No one says that you should marry another dude, start a LTR with him or anything. Simply follow your drive, be responsible, and enjoy it.

Should your sexuality shift again, you'll know what to do, won't you?

KD

 

in practice, in most real-life situations you can't turn gay (or straight). no matter what some people say, sexuality does not shift. sexual behavior may, and it does in many adults, but that is not the same as sexuality, or sexual attraction. however, paradoxical neurological effects have manifested in patients in some extreme cases, including a dramatic change in sexual attraction. but that has happened in patients with brain damage. i am not saying you have brain damage and don't go out researching brain damage unless you have an actual chunk of brain matter missing from your skull. i just brought it out for illustrative purposes only. paradoxical effects can occur, but they are the result of a serious brain injury, not due to some minor influence.

in your case, i would argue that your sexuality has not shifted at all. in fact, you exhibited homosexual inclinations already relatively early on. whether you didn't pursue that side of you because you consciously steered yourself toward heterosexuality, or because it was a more unconscious influence, i can't know. but it looks like some homosexual inclination was there all along, you just didn't act on it, or denied it. this is the most logical explanation. the fact that it seems much stronger to you now than it did before might be an effect wholly relative in nature. you essentially didn't feel any sexual desire for 3 years, i get it. you were additionally on meds that affected some changes in your brain chemistry. it is plausible that this essentially ''restarted'' your brain circuits involved in sexual desire and behavior. when they came back on they came back on all the more strongly after such a long hiatus.

you might have gotten to this exact same point through years of slow self-revelation and/or self-exploration had you not had medical complications and the effect would have felt much less drastic. as is the case, you had complications and they might have facilitated this process in some way.

and no, meds can't shift sexuality. they can affect libido, as an illness or some other medical complication can, but they do not rewire your brain.

 

I would say that you should go out and experience whatever you feel. Try different experiences, without putting a label on yourself or without being negative about the experience. Keep an open mind and explore what you really want. The most important thing is to pursue what you really want, what you really enjoy and what will make you happy. And f**k the rest. Your sexuality (in my opinion) is a complex mix of different experiences and life situations. Your desires may be changing because of brain chemistry issues or just because your unconscious desires are coming to the fore. Explore, keep an open mind, play safe and enjoy!!!

 

Grrrrrrr,

Thread is 4 months old, but seriuosly how does that make sense.

He's basically worried about ending up gay, a label, then your response is, ooh i would worry about labels, then next sentence is, maybe you are bi, hello, a label

Grrrrrrr

 

Certainly for me, my sexuality has shifted and does so a lot. I know the pros say that isn't so, but certainly for me it was a shift. When I was a younger teenager, I jerked off exclusively to the idea of sex with girls - like the OP 2 - 3 times a day. I fell in love with girls all the time - was sure I was going to marry the girl I kept dreaming about - which of course changed regularly. I never had a gay thought in my life. Saw some gays and was repulsed by them. Then I read a true story about some guy, and the comment about him, was that he was obsessed with sex, and it was obvious to everyone that he was a homosexual. I slammed that book shut. I didn't read another word of it. I thought, Oh my god, that's why I'm so obsessed with sex! It's because I'm gay! I mean I practically freaked out. I was only 16 years old, and I was suddenly convinced I was gay even though I had never had a gay desire in my life. But I started to think about it. And started to jerk off thinking about it, and eventually started to fantasize about it, and then I couldn't stop. Finally I actually did it. But I never found men attractive. They're all ugly. I have never looked at a man and said, wow, he's so good looking, Id like to fuck him. I have found cocks though particularly attractive and wanted to be fucked by them. Throughout all this time, I continued to fall in love with women (serially, it was awful!), find them so beautiful and want to fuck them, but at night find myself fantasizing about being fucked by a faceless guy - sometimes a threesome. But I'd often fantasize and jerk off to women I knew as well. It's pretty much the same today even though I am much older. I'm content to stay married to a woman. I fantasize about men often, but I also had my fun years ago, so it's cool.

 

Who knows...

As a Trans the journey is about freeing yourself,

I started my life just being sexually aracted to genetic females and other transvestites/transsexuals.
Did I surpress attraction to men because of societal pressure? I don't know!

Over the years as I've accepted myself and learnt who and what I am as a being, I definataly find some men very attractive.

So,

I'd say for me it's been fluid,

 

I read that, then looked up at your location, then giggled

 

I just read this, I have not log in here for a long time.
I can't say for sure but I have my own "change" experience that i kept it secret for a long time... until i forgot about it due to heavy work load.

When I was 10 or 11, I felt that I was a female but with male body. In my early teens I was attracted to boys. But that feelings "changed" when I was 16 or 17. I started to have feelings for women too but i still felt that I am a female stuck in male body. I was very frighten. I didn't know what the hell was going on back then. Then I thought maybe I am a bisexual. Some time I felt I am totally woman but there are times that I really want to fuck a woman. I can't figure it out why and didn't have the time to go see a doc or psychiatrist.
When I was young I thought if I earn enough money I would do a sex change and be a woman. Now I have the money but I don't think it is a good idea so I am still a pre-op tg... with a crush on woman every once in a while.

 

I dislike labels but people want to use them sometimes.

Maybe you're "gender fluid" having "fluid sexuality".

Nothing wrong with that.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fluid+sexuality

 

Don't be ashamed to be attracted to who you're attracted to. I'm straight, no attraction to males (except Johnny Depp, swoon) but I've found myself recently attracted to my friend Phoebe, a t-girl. Love is love, sex is sex. Find what does it for you.

 

I've traveled all over the world. Still can't say I've seen a good looking guy who I'd like to fuck. All my fantasies were just with faceless guys. Weird.

 

Cant say or wont say?

You've already given away enough clues that i know you are not talking about twinks or t-girls, you wouldnt be able to find a single technically male on the planet that looks like a girl in everyway, hotter than most girls as a girl in some cases, just has a penis, everyone knows thats not true.

But you arent talking about that are you, you are talking about men, big chest and muscles and big fat cocks.

Kind of gayer in a way that a lot of "gay" guys that only chase twinks, the girliest guys they can find.

Its lie of omission, sure you cant find a guy you want to fuck, but none of those fantasies are about you doing the fucking.

How does one get "destroyed emotionally as a person" what does that even mean. How do you know relative to everyone else you just werent all that emotional to begin with.

A few factors that have always been in play, you blame OCD at 16, but still meant you were going to turn into what you turn into no matter what you do. Im not talking about gay, we know you are not that

 

Can't. I mean I just have never found a man I saw as sexually attractive - as a bottom or a top. But I do find myself fantasizing about simply having gay sex often. After being on these message boards, it seems I'm not the only one. That's always been my suspicion.

I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I'm sure it hasn't destroyed me emotionally as a person. Not sure where that comment came from. Nor do I blame some sort of OCD disorder - or any mental disorder. Again, I think a lot of us, if not the majority of basically straight men, have these feelings.

 

...your bi urges can change daily...one day 90% straight/10%gay...the next day 90%gay/10%straight...don't over think it...just relax & go with the flow...being bi gives you the best of both worlds...take advantage of both...& have fun...