Hey people. Sorry for shouting title, but here is my problem. I'm 22 years old introvert virgin guy. When I had first trip (it was Nbome, actually, not LSD), it was a great experience, till I was listening to music. When music ends and I started to go deep inside thinkg, it was something, like I know the thing, that only non-virgins should know. I felt great power, like I never felt. You know, it's like the alpha-man power . I don't know why, but I catch myself on thinking like I should know it only when I will become a man by this meaning. And I became horrified cuz of this knowledge. Can you say something about this? Does it mean anything?
It sounds like you connected with a deep and natural feeling of confidence and power within you, and you think that's something that comes when you have sex for the first time. They are not related really, lots of people out there having lots of sex who are deeply insecure and do not feel connected to anything special within themselves, and lots of virgins who live within this feeling. It's not about sex, but if you connect to this confidence inside you, maybe it can help you meet someone. It sounds like you connected really deeply with your sexual power inside. Psychedelics are great at doing that . . . you can only imagine what sex on real lsd is like
It was a great feeling. but I started to think that I shouldn't know this feel before I became man, you know, by the "right way". So it rapidly became a bad trip and all that I remember is I was trying to... get my usual state of feeling with all my fears, complexes, I was trying to forget all these things. So I became a "little guy" again. This transformation, how I felt it, was accompanied with some kind of physical brain feelings. Surely after this I decided to make this "good" feeling became a true again by the "right way" and used to have a hooker's help. But when it should be started I couldn't do that. I don't know why, just couldn't get "ready state", you know. I can badly speak english and don't know how you say it. So now I don't know what to do and I'm kind of frustrated. Does this incident related to my bad trip or smth?
You were given access to a part of you which is strong and healthy, and that scared you, so you actually worked hard to get your fears and anxieties back??? And you wonder why things went badly? Dude, a hooker is not the answer here. Putting your penis in a prostitutes vagina is not going to make you feel like a man; it will probably make you feel like shit. That's not what being a man is about. I think you have a lot of growing up to do. First step is to not be afraid of change, especially good, positive change, like the kind that can come from a powerful trip, otherwise how will you ever grow and learn and become a man? You need to get in touch with your fears and really look deep inside and work on yourself internally. The answer is not "out there", I can assure you, and it's certainly not going to be found by having sex, especially sex you paid for.
Psychedelics can be a catalyst for exploring primal feelings. Perhaps addressing why you felt guilt for the sexual sensations may be useful in helping you get over the "hump" in embracing your masculinity. Also attempting to live your life by idealized standards of what constitutes a man, is probably going to have you chasing chimeras regardless of what you do. That's the type of shit that tabloid magazines and reality tv wants to pump into your mind. Psychedelics often do a good job of showing you how much of a farce these idealized standards can be.
I haven't scared by the power itself. I have scared of the way I became to this power. It's like, you know, I disconnected from world machine's matrix and took a look on it from outside with all secrets that I should know in the right way in through of my life process. Now I understood that it was my own deep fear of unknown and machine's influence. Thank you guys for your answers. You really helped me a lot.
