does anybody know any jokes

...i need a really good and quite short joke.

 

Three Irishmen walk out of a bar!

 

well...say to soemone "have u ever sucked a dick bigger than mine"

and if they say no then its a comlpiment..if they say say yeah then it implies they sucked your dick...always a good one to teach the kids

 

Whats the difference between an alcoholic and a stoner?

An alcoholic will speed right past a stop sign
and a stoner will wait for it to turn green:H


and heres a classic!! how do u make a snooker table laugh? tickle its balls

 

A man walks into a bar...


Ouch

 

How many guitar players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One. He stands on the stool and the world revolves around him.

How many bass players does it take to screw in a lightblub?

Six. One to screw the stupid thing in and 5 to beat the guitar players stealing all the light.

 

A bear walks into a bar
Barman says "What would you like?"
Bear says "....................................................a beer"
Barman says "Why the big pause?"

pause - paws :&

 

whats the difference between a bad golfer and a bad sky diver?

One goes; *wack* Crap!

The other goes; Crap! *wack*

 

"Daddy, what's a pervert?"
"Shut up, kid...and keep sucking!"

 

why did edward fall off his bike?
because someone threw a fridge at him...

 

why did the plane crash?

because the pilot was a raisin...

 

What's meaner than a pitbull with AIDS ???



The mother fucker that gave it to him..........

 

Two blondes walking through a field one says "They look like deer tracks"

The other says "They look like horse tracks to me"

Ten minutes later they were run over by a train.

Love
Ben
xxx

 

The best short joke I ever heard unfortunately only works properly if told by a black man who procedes to piss himself laughing right after telling it. With that disclaimer out of the way, and with nothing further ado:

Q. What's white and ten inches long?

A. Nothing.

 

haha that made me laugh, the whole thing works as a joke though dude!
jaz

 

A vampire walks in a pub and asks for a pint of blood.
The barman says, "sorry we don't sell blood here"

A second vampire walks into the pub and asks for a pint of blood.
The barman agains says, "sorry we don't sell blood"

The vampire goes to join the 1st vampire on a table.
A third vampire walks in and asks for a pint of hot water.

The two vampirs on the table pipe up,
"How can you call yourself a vampire when you order a pint of water?"

The vampire turns to the two other vampires and replies...
"Haven't you heard of tea bags?"

 

huh? jaz don't understand. i'm sure i'll get it in a minute and everyone will laugh...

 

*pats jaz's head* its a really sick joke, probably best you don't get it..

if you feel you need to, think about whats like a tea bag and has blood on it... your opposite sex use 'em.

 

what's between a 60 yr old lady's tits?

her snatch

 

Q: What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a cadillac?
A: I don't have a cadillac in my garage!

Q: How do you get a baby into a bowl?
A: Use a blender!

Q: How do you get a baby outta a bowl?
A: Tortilla chips!