Do you refer to yourself as gay?

I have started doing this recently. I am a bi woman married to a man. I've started referring to myself as gay, because I don't believe that being attracted to men negates my attraction to women in any way. Maybe it would be better to refer to myself as queer, since that is generally used to cover the entire spectrum of non-heterosexual identities.

Today at work, a guy kept talking about "fags" hitting on him and how annoying it was. I said "E, please don't use that term. I'm gay and I don't appreciate it." He and the other coworker in the room immediately jumped all over me, claiming that I can't be bi, I'm married to a man. They as much as said that being married to a man negates all attraction to women as long as he "keeps me satisfied" and that the fact that we're polyamorous and have a girlfriend we share means he's not keeping me satisfied and I'm just letting him get away with cheating on me. The whole thing reeked of bisexual denial (the idea that there's no such thing as bisexual - you're either gay and kidding yourself or straight and experimenting). It really bugged me, because just because I ended up with a man doesn't mean I'm no longer attracted to women. Just like if I ended up with a woman, I wouldn't be a lesbian, because it wouldn't negate my attraction to men.

So what do you think? Is the term gay appropriate for bisexuals? Do you use it to refer to yourself?

 

I'm a bisexual male and have never referred to myself as gay. But I'm not going to tell you that you shouldn't. The way you think of and choose to categorize yourself is your business.
And as an aside, your coworkers must be very proud of their ignorance, judging by the flagrant way that they display it!

 

Well, as for the coworkers, its not ignorance its fear. Safer to think there is just Gay/ straight and not have to worry about the complexities of straight marriage where one or the other might be bi with or without the partners knowledge, or worrying about finding out your partner is bi years after the marriage vows.

Same with the whole Gay Marriage vs Straight Marriage argument, no one ever brings up Bi Marriage

 

I refer to myself as pansexual and I correct people when they call me gay.

 

I try not to label myself because I am more than labels, I am beyond labels.

I'm a male that likes to have sex with males. Homo. Gay. Faggot. It's not the words you use it's how you mean it.

As a person with a disability I've been called a cripple by well-meaning close friends and 'physically challenged' by the smarmiest jerkwads.

_____________
Rodney Lewis

 

To answer the question: no I don't. I share the previous poster's view on not liking to put a label onto myself. However, this is not easy, since us human beings tend to think in categories and sort the world into different drawers considering not only love and sexual preference but any aspect of life.

If someone is witty enough to understand it and asks me about my love and sexual preference, I rather say that I am a philanthrope - I love human beings.


Wiggling toes,

~*Ganesha*~

 

Once Again Glen Is Forced To Refer To His "Shorter Oxford Dic"..

In A Vain Attempt To Comprehend Your Posts.....Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..:banghead:



Cheers Glen..

 

I may be the only person who doesn't mind referring to myself as gay. It's what I am, and it's not a word that offends me.

Think of a tin of beans, you don't need to label it, but much easier if you just do! I however, do not flash about my sexuality unless asked.

I hate people tip toeing around my sexuality. Once they know things can continue how you would like them to.

 

i dont mind being called gay, but i also dont mind being called bisexual. lesbian i find a little to specific for me. i dont really know what i 'should' be labled as so i dont bother. i figure ill do what i feel like in that moment.

 

being labled isnt sumthing i like, but if im asked if im straight bi or gay/lesbian i say im bi coz i am attracted to men and women not just the one sex,

 

I too am pansexual. Ive had relationships with men and women, and I'm married to a woman who's the love of my life. I also have a deep admiration and HUGE attraction towards M2F transgender women (especially pre-op, but post-op is cool too). Most people I know just assume I'm "straight" due to being married, and only a select few know I'm interested men as well (my wife included).

I've self identified as bisexual for most of my life, as that's a lot easier to explain if it ever came up, but pansexual is the most appropriate term, as my attraction towards transgender women is MUCH MORE than just a fetish.

 

IRL like a lot of bi dudes I identify as heterosexual, online, on more or less anonymous forums I identify as technically bi or to use Kinsey scale terminology I say I'm predominantly heterosexual. What label you use is up to you (certainly in terms of work friendly/social life friendly terms).

 

I call myself pansexual too....just potentially attracted sexually to human beings.

Simon

 

I'd label myself as Bisexual but if I'm going to be honest with myself then I'm just Gay.

 

How can one label themself as bisexual... And then say "if I'm going to be honest with myself, then I'm just gay ?? It's 2 totally different things

 

I suppose labeling one's self is what each person thinks of themselves even though it's questionable to others. I myself consider myself to be bisexual based on the fact that I prefer having sex with women (75%) more than with men (25%). Over the past 10 years that percentage has leaned more to the man side, but eventually leaned heavier back to the woman side. Right now in my life it's steadily staying around 65% women, 35% man being my wife and I are sexually involved with another bisexual m/f couple.

 

How did your wife feel about you preferring to have sex with other men more than her ? Did your "gay leanings" cause tension between you and your wife ?

 

You misread my post, I prefer my wife but also enjoy men. My % leans more towards women not men. When our friends are over for a foursome she enjoys watching him fuck me and the two of us sucking each other off. She's perfectly fine with it and knows she's my #1.

 

I say I am bi. But I rarely think of women sexually anymore, so I should probably refer to myself as gay.

 

Have a Merry Christmas!