Do you hit your child?

hit your child ?
... I'm Not talking child abuse.. i'm fully against that.
but like... if your child acts up in public, throws a fit for nothing, does something bad.
Sometimes you can tell how a child is raised, depending on how they act when they get older. i've seen ppl who become sucessful because of the ocassional smack on the butt or two. but nothing serious.
i've met ppl who are sucessful even without their parents disaplening them... and it could go the other way. kids being lame because they werent spanked when they deserved it. and blah blah blha.
and i know many people seem to have different views on this topic, so i would like to hear some.
do you hit them.
why or why not ???

 

No. Spanking=hitting=child abuse IMHO. I have more creative ways to discipline/teach my children.

 

I don't have children atm, but I modify behaviors at work. I use positive behavior supports, which simply means that I reinforce positive behaviors so that the negative behaviors decrease. I think that hitting a child regardless of how hard it is will increase undesirable behaviors. They will find clever ways of trying to hide it to avoid the undesirable stimuli (being hit). If you don't tell children how well they are doing when they are acting appropriately, then they won't understand what is wrong or right.

 

Eoo... Tell me, tell me, TELL ME!
plz...

 

yeah... i got that part.
i do alot of positive things, like compliment them often. give them things when they've done good. etc.
but i didnt know that hitting them would make them want to do more bad things. that sounds kinda backwards. :stunned:

 

i sit down and talk the problem our with children. Especially with children i work with. Positive reinforcement.

my step kids i'll just talk w/ them
Can you tell me why you did that ?
Next time be more aware that your actions can ....
I love you and give them a hug

 

I know it kinda sounds backwards. Any form of reaction for an inappropriate behavior is reinforcing. For an example, a little boy bits himself. An adult comes over to yell at him and tell him not to do it. The boy continues to bite himself because everytime he does he gets a reaction from the adult. Since it is a dangerous behaviors I would suggest using "extinction," which is totally ignoring him while it happens. Place a barrier or slothe on the area that the child bites him/herself. Behaviors are very complex. You can't say that the child is just acting "bad." The child could be having a reaction to the diet that she/he is on. For an example, gluten, wheat, and high frutose corn syrup are major causes for acting out behaviors.

Also, think of it this way...If you were always told that you do something wrong, but never reinforced when you do good things, then how would you feel? I know I would feel down about myself and start to act out in inappropriate ways. Hitting a child only develops fear in the child.

 

No but yesterday I kicked him LOL. I don't spank because I have found it doesn't work for us. I was spanked as a kid and do not consider myself abused, not even close. Anyway, yesterday at a restaurant, my son and his friend were being really loud and they had their backs towards us and couldn't hear us telling them to stop...so I kicked him under the table. It worked to get his attention at least and he did stop being so loud. He looked at me all confused and said "hey why did you kick me"...I just said because you deserved it LOL.

I personally cannot stand being around kids that are not disciplined at all or even worse kids whose parents think their children are perfect and can't do no wrong. If you are a parent, part of that is disciplining in some way, simply because in the real world there are consequences for our actions and it has to be taught.

 

i think that there are a few circumstances where swatting your child on the butt with your hand is ok. Really if most parents think it through they can find an alternative that probably works better. hitting a kid to make them stop screaming is ridiculous. if someone hit me i would scream more. my other opinion is never hit your child in public no matter how great of a parent you are, its CPS waiting to happen.

 

kicking your child is just as bad as slapping your child across the face ythan to say because you deserve it think about it..


Hes how old and you are ??

Thank you

my point exactly

 

:$ most people that have children are shit parents
people that want children can't have them.

Man did it ever hurt me to be told Teri i hate to break it to you but you can't have children. It was like .5 my world was falling apart

if you want to hit kick punch slap your child think do i want to be punched slapped kicked hit?
How would i feel ?
How would it affect me
or them?
Why should i kick hit slap them is there a right?
o i think really it should be against the law
Why ?
Because ppl use that oohh he was being out of linew to much .

Think in positive terms and if you can't put yourself on time out before you emo hurt your child

 

Oh shit, wait you are being silly!!! I didn't kick him to hurt him, there was no force or anger behind it. I touched him with my foot under the table to get his attention....this is exactly how things get out of control (uh oh now i should be reported to CPS).

And no, this was nothing like slapping him across the face...that would have devastated him (and me). Actually I would kill anyone that were to hurt my child that way. He was laughing when he said that too me, not crying or hurt. He just thought it was hilarious.

I just posted that because it was a funny thing that happened yesterday, and I know how this board is and if anyone mentions doing anything but breastfeeding and coddling a child...all knickers are in a bunch...so why would anyone ask about spanking unless it was to get a rise? I figured this thread was fair game to be a smart ass.

I am 34, my son is 4....you can ask him today about this and I guarantee he won't remember anything but having fun with his best friend at a restaurant....I actually think the more hilarious part is that my friend also kicked her daughter under the table (and her daughter is one that has never in a million years been spanked, or even put in time out). We were both trapped on the other side of the booth, the high chair my baby was in made it impossible to get out to get to the kids fast and we are both saying "guys you need to be quiet" while they are making the most annoying noise in unison on the other side of the table. Frankly, it was my mother's instinct to nudge him under the table. If I had been in arm's reach, I would have turned his face toward me and make him look at me as I told him to stop....but had to reach him with the only part of my body that could.

OK, are panties unbunched now???

 

There is a clear line between even mild hitting and child abuse. I used to get the slap across the back of the head for swearing at the dinner table. I turned out all right.

 

I agree with the clear line between mild hitting and child abuse. I used to spank my kids but found it didn't work, so I've moved more towards time out alone in their bedroom for a cool down from temper tantrums or removing them from the store if possible. If I can't I just ignore until they've calmed down and are able to talk about their feelings. This is something I've pushed with my children. I've made sure they are able to clearly discuss their feelings and that has cut down tremendously on temper tantrums. I have 3 girls, twins that are 7 and my youngest is 3, so temper tantrums are galore in my house. I've also found that a progress chart for good behavior and a treasure box filled with dollar store stuff is very useful for behaviors other than temper tantrums.

 

ok... umm... Thanks to everyone who replied to this thread. i'm still not sure on a couple of things.... but.... its nothing too big.

 

From Peggy O'Mara's Natural Family Living:

 

great advice! i love that book!

kathy

 

Uggh! When you spank your kid your not supposed to HIT them, your just supposed to swat them a little to wake them up and inform them that what they're doing is wrong, I got spanked, and I'm well disciplined, I don't have any mental issue or hard feeling toward my mom.

 

When I was young I was subjected to an abusive father.... most of the time I kinda deserved spankings.... but a couple of times the spankings turned into beatings, black eyes and hurt feelings. It is totally not the right way to raise a child if you go over the line.... I'd use the restriction punishment. Either you do your chores or you can't play video games/watch tv... ect.

 

I only swat Alexis' hands if she gets under the sink where the cleaning stuff is. YES, I use those latches and a gate, but she's much to smart a girl and figured out how to climb the gate and open the cabinet. So, yes, I swat her hand. For getting into things that are dangerous. It ends there, though.
When she cries or throws a fit in the store, it's usually because she wants to be carried or she wants in the bigger part of the buggy, not the seat. So, I switch her around until she's happy.
Usually, the only time she cries at home is because she wants more milk or she wants food....so I give her both and she chooses.
She's good about going to bed without a fuss because I let her tell me when she's ready. When she cuddles her blanky, or whatever else she finds lying around that's soft, I know she's ready for bed. I don't force her to go ever.
When I'm trying to teach her something new and she finally catches on, I reward her. Whether it be with a big hug, or a sucker, or even a walk outside (Which she LOVES), she gets rewarded.