Do relationships work a second time around?

My wife and I have been together since her 2nd yr of college. After graduation we married almost immediately. We were inseparable to say the least...head over heels in love. After getting married at 23 yrs old I realized I still had a lot of partying left in me. Long story short I cheated quite a few times, had a drug addiction too. (There's much more to the story but you get the point) She gave me way too many chances and should have left me years ago but she didn't until 3 yrs ago. She found a dude that was in the same boat as her and they immediately fell in love with each other. They got pregnant right away (at 40 yrs old) and here we are 3 yrs later and even though they are still living together she realized he isn't what she thought he was. On top of that she has taken notice that I dont have the anger issues I once did and that I have changed (grown up) especially with the responsibility of having my two daughters living with me full time these past 3 yrs. So....here we are....she thinks we can make it work since this separation (our only separation ever) made her realize things about herself and did the same for me. However my ego cannot let go what she has done and yes I know I did it too but she started a whole other family. Has anyone ever tried a second time around with someone and found things to be different since you both were more mature ?

 

I'm not in the same boat as you. One marriage of over 40 years. But I do know that only you can repair the damage she did to you. She can't do it unless you are accepting her apologies for acting out based on your behavior. This really isn't about your ego but your pride. That and your security in the relationship with her. Her leaving you was a wake up call and you finally got it together. You have repaired the damage you did to yourself and the family unit. That was for you and your children. I don't think you did it for her. This is a classic "Grass is Greener" story. Based on what you wrote I surmise your ex really didn't fall in love with her present husband. She became infatuated that someone other than you would treat her kindly, had revenge sex with him, and became pregnant ending up in marriage. Her mistake. Now she's stuck in a relationship she has no love for. Probably never did. Since you have woken up I suggest you remain cordial and in contact with your ex but only as her being the mother of your children together. She does have another child approaching 3 years of age that you are not responsible for. Do you want to be? Yes, you are still in love with her. But you have to let that go for your sake. Don't become the knight in shining armor who will save her. Just include her in the raising of your children together. No more than that.

 

Greatly appreciated

 

no

 

I'm a one time type dude. Once a relationship is over. That's it. I don't have time for a 2nd round rather it's mine or her fault. I feel iffy about it.

 

I went back for the sex which always seems better after the divorce. But anything more, no way.

 

I wish you good luck, “ the grass is greener “ saying comes to mind

 

What I see from your story and that you acknowledge she had very good reasons to leave you at the time. Some people are able to make it work second time, since I don’t know you I can’t give you an answer. However, I wanted to take the time to mention she had good reasons to leave and you understood that in the end. It doesn’t take away the fact that it also hurt you. In the end only you can answer your own question about yourself.

 

My wife and I dated for about two years in high school / college. It was true love. She broke up with me when she went to a different college, and we went our separate ways for about 20 years. We both got married, had kids, and got divorced. Then we reconnected about 20 years after last seeing each other, and now we’re married. We love each other very much. She said the biggest mistake of her life was letting me go.

So yeah, I say it absolutely can work. But not surprisingly, that’s probably very uncommon.

 

I married a fellow office mate. 23 years now yes it works. It can go very wrong though. Be careful.