Hi all, TLDR version: 30 year old male, was obese until 27; now trying to have sex for the first time; 3 super-hot hookers later, no erection except during blowjob; lose erection shortly after; have no trouble getting it up to porn; prositution is legal and safe where I live; I am not a romantic person; should I see a shrink? Or should I ask my doc for viagra to help overcome what could be performance anxiety? Background reading http://www.hipforums.com/newforums/showthread.php?t=482889 Long version I'm a 30 year old male who used to be obese until I was 27. At that age, I pulled my act together and over the subsequent three years lost all extra weight. Needless to say, I didn't get laid while I was obese. Now I'm trying to make up for lost time, but it just isn't working. I have gone through three super-hot hookers (ladies who charge $400 per hour, no street trash) but the result is the same - I just can't get it up, no matter what they do. The closest any one of them had gotten to was to jerk me off. Whatever hard-on I get, I lose it the second I put the condom on. Just a few hours ago, I tried to bang a hooker after two weeks of no masturbation (I used to jerk off twice a day for 13 years to porn). The reasoning was, with so much build-up sex should come naturally. Still, there was nothing, and I felt nothing, even though she was extremely hot. Weird thing is, I can totally see myself beating off to the fantasy of banging her; in fact, thinking about her body gives me a hard-on. I also discovered that I really like eating pussy. When I was fat, I was extremely conscious of my body. I had one long-term relationship where the girl used me for my brains and I didn't ever dare to have sex with her. Between that and my trouble with getting it up, sex has become something I dread - every time I think of it, I think performance anxiety. That whole magic of going with the flow and banging the bejesus out of her just doesn't happen for me. Quick disclaimer - I am not a romantic person; I'm looking for casual sex, not lasting relationships, and I need to prepare myself for it by knowing that I can bang a girl without any hard-on issues. Should I see a sex therapist about this? 30 years old and no erections with women, only with my hand - there's definitely something wrong with me. Or should I go see a doc about getting some Viagra as an intermediary step? Advice would be very welcome.
It appears to me that the psychological effect of obesity is still giving you low self esteem. If you can masterbate alone to sex acts that you are unable to perform with a partner it would seem that there is a fear based issue. I don't know that you would need a sex therapist persay but I do think a good psychologist could help you out with that. It does sound like an anxiety issue more than a sexual issue.
