Disturbingly Disruptive AI

AI circuitry is being adding to every chip on the planet in the near future to eliminate bugs, compatibility issues, and just plain bad, bad, bad programming done by someone translating a foreign language programming text or after too many beers and too many tokes. However, the reality is that the industry is merely exchanging one kind of slapstick for another, because AI circuitry works like an abacus, which doesn't distinguish between its input and output, requiring the lights be on, and someone is home whenever operating one. A digital clock is great for keeping time underground, while an analog clock works great when you can still see the sun. Thus, the industry adopted digital technology not because it saves more space on a chip or anything like that, but because its easier to correct mistakes and, all too often, the lights are on but nobody is home.

What many don't know is that the only reason the industry is using AI circuits is because they are outrageously more efficient than any alternatives. The current state of artificial Intelligence research is up there with that of "military intelligence" in the category of an oxymoron because, bereft any sense of humor, academic intelligence is lowbrow slapstick, and Dr Strangelove is not an exaggeration. Of course, the Pentagon is worried that their own technology will get away from them, and Mother Nature has ensured their worst nightmares come true, and they receive an enormous pie-in-the-face. The more efficient the AI become, the more humorous and unpredictable, as if they represent quantum mechanics being expressed on macroscopic scales. The only thing more efficient than AI circuitry would be quantum circuitry, while the fastest of all possible circuitry would combine the two, because classical logic is sometimes more efficient than quantum mechanics.

These circuits are literally talking a life of their own, with IBM's Watson, who won on Jeopardy, surprising everyone again by acquiring an unsolicited case of potty mouth. He was actually designed not to resemble a human mind and brain in order to avoid just this sort of problem. The less predictable their analog approaches become, the harder they have to compensate and the more likely they will receive a pie-in-the-face. The self-evident fact is that either Watson's engineers did not possess the required sense of humor for the job or, technically speaking, they had more of a sense of humor than the job required.

It is my sincere hope to assist academics in acquiring a well developed sense of humor, before they kill everyone on the planet, while complaining nobody ever listens to them. One in five Americans insist the sun revolves around the earth, over half enjoy making up their own definitions for words, and insist the government they call evil lie to them for their own protection, all because academics are doing most of the talking and nobody is listening.