Dirty Limericks!

Come on everyone, Im sure you all know a good few so just post your favourites!
One of mine is:
There was a young man from Peru,
who fell asleep in his canoe,
while dreaming of Venus,
he played with his penis
and woke up covered in goo!

there are looooads on google, just search and post!

 

there once was this dude on hipplanet
who was to bored to stand it
so he thought of a thread
to mess with your head
hopped on his machine and ran it.

not very dirty is it

there once was a chick on the net
who was feeling very warm and wet
so she logged on the forums without much decorum
and teased the first guy she met.

well that one wasnt very good either, just not into it today i rekon

 

.

 

I have a varioation on the dave jhokker one,

There once was a man named dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave
She smelt like shit
was missing a tit
But think of the money he saved!

There once was a man from nantucket
Whos dick was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
as he wiped off his chin
If my nose was a ****, Id could fuck it

there was a young man from spleen
who invented a wacking machine
on the 99th stroke
the fucking thing broke
and whiped his balls into cream

and finaly

There once was a lady named Dot
who lived of pigshit and snot
when she ran out of these
she ate the green cheese
she grew on the side of her twat

 

There once was a lad from Helsinki
Whose prick was the size of a Twinkie
Said a whore, “For a shilling
I’ll suck out the cream filling,
But we can’t fuck ’cause your thing’s too dinky.”

Said a boy to a girl from Beirut,
“I’ve had none better looking than you.
But don’t be quick to boast
For your ****’s dry as toast
And it smells like an old dirty shoe.”

One drowsy old Countess of Florage
Would keep her mouth open for snorage
The Count still had fun
And when he was done
She had swallowed a bit of his porridge

There was a young lady of Bude
Who went for a swim in the nude
But a man came along
And unless I am wrong
YOU thought the last line would be RUDE.

 

There was a young man name of Martin
Who was very adept at fartin'
The smell of his breeze
Was like rancid old cheese
And it left your nostrils a smartin'

 

There once was a woman from Beiling
Who had a peculiar feeling
she went on her back,
and opened her crack,
and pissed all over the ceiling.