Long story not so short is my boyfriend of little more then a year is pretty experienced, he's had threesomes, foursomes, been with many many partners and knows what he likes. He doesn't put much emotion into having sex. I find this sexy to a point, because.. I am a the typical "been cheated on" woman who feels a heavy amount of anxiety when in the bed room because of the fear of not performing. Plus in terms of variety I've had minute experiences. I put a lot of emotion into sex. And I wish this weren't true but if I have just physical sex I never get off. As much as I wish I could pound out an orgasm and just enjoy the pure thrill of JUST SEX I would be so much happier. He also prefers anal which I'm not opposed to but its anal and big dildos and multiple penetrations, my emotional side get in the way a lot. Sex for me brings a lot of anxiety I wish I could get rid of. So I'm just putting this out there because I feel better about it. I've tried talking to him about these things but like I said he doesn't understand where I'm coming from and I feel he shouldn't have to suffer for my lack of confidence. I am slowly getting there though.
Oh, I feel for you Mary. And welcome to the forum. Firstly, don't beat yourself up over your "lack" of experience, and don't compare his wild times to yours. You cant change the past, so try not to dwell on it too much. Secondly, I think you can never put too much emotion into sex. For me, that makes it so much better. Wanting to please your boyfriend and being able to let yourself go and enjoy it will come in time. Maybe if your boyfriend became a little more "emotional" he could perhaps tone down on wanting to do every extreme anal practice at once. If you could view it as you both discovering things together, rather than him showing you everything he's done in the past. I agree that sex and anxiety are not a happy mix. But start by viewing it as something you learn together to cope with, rather than it being just your problem. He also has a duty to make sure you're happy, not just the other way around. Your sex life with your boyfriend is a shared experience and should be an exciting journey together. I think you sound like you might be on the right track, so I hope I've been some help. Remember, you deserve to be loved and I think you are going to have an amazing time if he is the guy for you! x
