Did Jesus EVER Have Sex?

Discussion in 'Christianity' started by skip, May 8, 2007.

  1. skip

    skip Founder Administrator

    Did Jesus ever have sex? I mean here's a guy preaching to everyone how to behave, yet he supposedly never had sexual intercourse, according to the Christian myth.

    What do you think?
  2. AncientHippie

    AncientHippie Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter


    Do Blow Jobs count?
  3. Duck

    Duck quack. Lifetime Supporter

    yet another example of how over-rated sex is in our society
    as if virgins are a completely different species
  4. BraveSirRubin

    BraveSirRubin Members

    I would hope so.
  5. skip

    skip Founder Administrator

    I really find it interesting that the big selling point for Islamic Martyrdom is 72 virgins. Like all these sexually repressed Muslims will FINALLY get some good nookie in heaven!

    I could ask here, is there sex in Christian heaven, but I have a heaven thread going (or being ignored).

    But I suppose I could ask: If good Christians, I mean really, really GOOD Christians get to have sex with Jesus in heaven? Do they have to be on the A-list or what?

    And what about children who go to heaven? Do they grow up and get to have sex, or must they have sex with the adults who go there, while still being children (I can see where LOTS of Christian adults would like that).

    See this is sooo confusing to us non-Christians!
  6. skip

    skip Founder Administrator

    Good question!

    Here's another:
    Did Jesus ever masturbate? I know it's condemned in the bible, so I guess he never played with himself, right?

    Of course we all know Jesus popped his mother's "cherry" when he was born, but that doesn't seem like a sexual encounter, unless his mother got off while he was being born. Yup, that seems a likely outcome...
  7. BraveSirRubin

    BraveSirRubin Members

    You know...

    I am converting now, on the spot, in Christianity guarantees Jesus sex in heaven.
  8. skip

    skip Founder Administrator

    Take a number, Fedup, she's gotta be up there givin' Jesus that BJ, right now...! ;)

    No offense, Christians.
  9. madcrappie

    madcrappie crazy fish

    are you a necrophiliac?? because shes been dead for a few years now......
  10. madcrappie

    madcrappie crazy fish

    I do believe jesus had sex. he had a deep relationship with mary magdelene........ many of the forbidden gospels mention this relationship they had.

    of course he had sex. mary magdelene was a whore after all.....
  11. skip

    skip Founder Administrator

    See leaving this shit out of the bible, really cuts my respect for Jesus the man.

    If he were truly a virgin, how am I supposed to respect his admonitions against fornication. That's like having a blind man tell you when it's safe to cross a street.

    I now believe he not only had sex, but a wife and child as his tomb indicates. That garnered him more respect from me than he ever got when he was supposedly an immaculate conception who never got dirtied with sex.
  12. madcrappie

    madcrappie crazy fish

    anyways, when you go to heaven, youll appear at your most beautiful... not with all the wrinkles and scars you got in later years.... so I bet mother theresa is bangin'
  13. madcrappie

    madcrappie crazy fish

    you cant blame jesus for this, just the followers of jesus....... the same types of people who he tried to distance himself from (the high jewish priests)..... ones who care more about money and power than helping those in need..... there is alot of corruption in religion, which jesus saw, but then his followers created this cult which became just as corrupt as the jewish religion....

    the christian faith only holds 4 gospels sacred, which was printed in the bible..... many gospels were left out because in the early years of the religion, some were labelled as heretic, because its not what the church believed in, so they banned them from the bible..... judas had a gospel, mary magdelene, james, thomas (I believe)....... alot of the gospels cover the years of jesus between the age of 10 and 30 (which nowhere in the bible do you hear anything of these years).... also, you get the relationship he had between mary magdelene, and his close relationship with judas (who he gave this knowledge that he never gave any of his other apostles)..... its really intriguing stuff....
  14. rebelfight420

    rebelfight420 Banned

    I thought we were talking about once we all go to heaven. Sorry.

    But if you put her cold ass in the mocrowave for about 10 seconds.......

    Never mind <sleeks away ashamed with bowed head>

    Thats extrmely tasteless and disgusting.
  15. rebelfight420

    rebelfight420 Banned

    Already previosly stated my point nothing against you personally I just think it was a little mean.
  16. rebelfight420

    rebelfight420 Banned

    How am I alright??? :confused:
  17. mandell

    mandell Banned

    I think, he actually meant, "bugger off, punk".
  18. rebelfight420

    rebelfight420 Banned

    actually I dont get high and dont have a fixed opinon on the kind of person I am. Also a majority of mature adults dont make vulgar jokes about a women who dedicated her life to charitable acts.
  19. mother teresa was a fake. but yeah the point stands
  20. BraveSirRubin

    BraveSirRubin Members

    How can you possibly call mother teresa a fake?

    Her breasts were real!

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