Depression and Relationships: Useful Info

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by walkoflife, Apr 26, 2005.

  1. walkoflife

    walkoflife Some Assembly Required Super Moderator

    Listening to Peanuts and others on here (myself included) that have recurring battles with depression, I decided to scour the web and find as much useful info for everyone that is dealing with depression--themselves or a loved one--and how to endure the many 'curve balls' that could come your way as a result. Please look as I will update this often with links, info, etc. If anyone has any useful info, phone numbers, etc, please post them here to share. If there is any questions or comments, please start a thread specific to your thoughts and we'll keep this for info.

    ~Dave
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

    1.) A form you can take to doctor visit with you--useful if you are starting new meds. (Make them fill this out!)

    http://www.depression.com/Depr_Appoint.pdf

    2.) Trapped Minds-A Depression forum

    http://www.depression-forums.com/

    3.) Depression and Bi-Polar Alliance - Useful info, links, support group info

    http://www.dbsalliance.org/

    4.) Uplift Program- Self Help for Depression and Relationships.

    http://www.upliftprogram.com/
     
    Alonso376 likes this.
  2. Peanuts

    Peanuts Nutz

    This is a very good idea.

    A lot of people need to know there is help out there. This is useful information that will help guide them and cope with their depression. It never hurts to talk to great people like yourself Dave. You and a few others sure did help see me through my dark hours yesterday. Thank you for being a very kind friend.

    Any information I find that will help others I will post the links too.
     
  3. fulmah

    fulmah Chaser of Muses

  4. Heather130

    Heather130 Member

    Thanks for the links, please read my posting "Blind Sided entierly" I was with a man who suffers from major depression for 2 years and now know sooo much about it.
    Im not exactly sure how to take him. Not sure what to do without him...
     
  5. earthling2

    earthling2 Member

    I HAVE BEEN WITH MY BOYFRIEND FOR 4 1/2 YEARS. HE HAS MAJOR DEPRESSION, WHICH I DIDN'T KNOW FOR THE FIRST 2, HE DRINKS ALCHOHOL, FOR SELF-MEDICATION. HE'S A GOOD MAN, AND I JUST COUDN'T LET GO. BESIDES HE HAS HELPED ME THROUGH HARD TIMES. THANKS FOR THE INFO, BUT IT MADE ME CRY. GOOD LUCK TO ALL!
    PEACE & BLESSINGS!
    lindasafley@hotmail.com
     
    BenS Alaskan likes this.
  6. those medications are the reasons im so f-ed up
    i took every anti-psychotic and anti-depressant i can think of for ten years
    i can get any pharmie drug i want legaly and for free
    i see people walk out of my was-doctor with enough pharmies to kill half my town
    i stoped taking those medications becuase i know they hurt me more than they help me.
    i was 8 years old when i was put on paxil
    now im 18 and i chose not to go to my doctor and ill neaver take a pharmie again
    and in those ten years they added more and more diagnosis to my list
    and gave me more pills.
    they make you dependant on them
    those people and groups dont help
    there is no help for people like me
    i am depressed 24/7
    i think of killing my self all the time but i know i wont do it
    the last time i was happy was bonnaroo in june
    being persrcibed adderal made me an insomniac when i was 15
    if only the world didnt suck so bad
    if only the world knew how sad i am
     
  7. cutelildeadbear

    cutelildeadbear Hip Forums Gym Rat

    jack... there is other help out there that doesn't require the use of medication. your situation is a sad one indeed, i do feel for you and wish that there was something that i could do. do some more research on other approaches to take. what works for one person might not work for another. find what fits your unique inner being and use that to fight off the depression. these links don't all push pills, and not all doctors do either. maybe you could reconsider seeing a professional, but even if you don't i wish you all the best. take care of yourself.

    jen
     
  8. eric hutto

    eric hutto Member

    have you tried lithium carbonate? The only real drawback id mthly.blood checks as the body naturally produces lithium. eric hutto
    borgpad@yahoo.com
     
  9. Zajko

    Zajko Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

    For a beautiful and sympathetic portrayal of the struggle with depression within a loving relationship as well some of the finest cinematography, visual art and New Mexico scenery ever to grace the silver screen, I heartily recommend the movie Off The Map.
     
  10. You should definitely try natural healing methods. I find Reiki helps enormously with both depression and opening uo to your higher purpose spiritually.
     
  11. DQ Veg

    DQ Veg JUSTYNA'S TIGER

    Every single person that I have known who has taken anti-depressants has got much worse, not better. None of those people needed those mind-warping chemicals anyway. What they needed was a boyfriend or girlfriend, a job, to take vitamins, get exercise, and like you say, do or take something natural. Those people had lives that were out of balance, and all the drugs did was make them more out of balance. What they really needed was some good old fashioned love, which none of them were getting. These anti-depressants are being promoted by drug compaines that are making billions off of them-they're even giving them routinely now to dogs and cats! Stay off those drugs and do something that's natural and good for you-you'll be much healthier for it.
     
  12. cutelildeadbear

    cutelildeadbear Hip Forums Gym Rat

    Have you ever suffered from depression yourself? I mean real depression, not just being sad about something. It is very difficult to understand if you have never been through it, so please try not to judge those who take medication for an illness. Do you tell diabetics and other ill people to go off of their medication and let nature take it's course? That love will heal them? Because really all drug companies are out there trying to make money, and in my opinion, and the opinion of many professionals (which I'm assuming you are not) depression is an illness.

    You are surely entitled to your opinion, I'm simply suggesting that perhaps you don't quite have all of the facts of each situation. I wish there were a way to help people to understand the dynamics of depression a little better, but it is very difficult to explain to people who simply can't open their mind to the feelings of others.

    And I do agree people who are loved tend to get through depression a lot easier than those who are not as loved. However, becoming co-dependant on another human being (such as a girlfriend or boyfriend as you suggest) is not healthy for anyone.
     
    MidnightSea likes this.
  13. Dizzy Man

    Dizzy Man Member

    Hi guys,

    Okay, I really know nothing about depression, I can only offer a few of my own tips which are not medical, rather psychological. I hope i'm not patronising you with my advice, but I've found the following are all very influential on our state of wellbeing:

    Sleep
    It probably goes without saying, but in my opinion sleep is the number one factor that makes the difference between happiness and sadness. If I get a bad night's sleep, I will feel a little low the next evening, and very low the day after that. However, if I get a really good long relaxing sleep, 2 days later I'm usually full of life and energy. So quality sleep is essential to wellbeing.

    Some sleep tips:
    • Quality sleep is by no means just about length of sleep. For your body and mind to fully rest you need to get to bed in good time. The hours before midnight are much more valuable than hours after. And going to bed after 1am is very bad for you!
    • Make sure you don't have your sleep disturbed (the 'snooze' button on an alarm clock is fatal as it interrupts your sleep and that extra 10 minutes is worthless once you've broken out of your sleep cycle).
    • Also, you need darkness to sleep properly. In some places, a LOT of streetlight can come in through your curtains, which will subtly disturb your sleep, so get a blind or sew backing onto the curtains for a nice black nighttime.
    • Keep the lights low as your approach bedtime, this will help get your body into synch (artificial lights throw off your body's perception of when bedtime really is). Likewise, if you have to get up during the night avoid bright lights as these will send 'daybreak' signals to your brain.
    Environment
    If you don't keep your home particularly straight or clean, tidy it up and you'll feel a lot better (especially if there are big things obstructing your way around the home). If your walls are dark, or reddish hues: paint over them and get everything bright, clean and sunny (magnolia walls and yellow curtains are very cheerful!). Don't have too much strong colour, but a few touches of very vibrant colours here and there will liven your mind up.

    Sunlight
    Get as much sunlight as you can. If you work indoors, do all you can to get to the windows, and get outside as often as possible, especially when the sun's out! Even if you have to bring mirrors in to work so you can see a tiny reflection of sunlight in the afternoon... it will help.

    Music
    Listen to uplifting music that reminds you of times when you were really happy (even if it's as far back as childhood). Play the music in the morning, loud. This will set you up for the day.

    Body position
    Whenever you can, try not to huddle over or look down too much. If you sit back and look up more, you will become happier. Try to look into the sky when you're walking perhaps, or even put your TV higher so you're looking up at it?

    Expresion
    Try to smile as much as you can! Even a fake smile still has a physical effect which counteracts depression, so maybe try to smile at people you meet, even if you feel horrible inside? The smile will bounce off other people and return to you, and this will help.

    Inner child
    Just a silly suggestion, and I'm not completely sure this would help, but how about watching a little kids' TV? Everthing always seems more cheerful and fun on those shows. I had one job where I had to get up really early, and the only thing on TV while I had breakfast was a kids' show, and it brightened me up quite a lot. Set me up in a good mood for the day.

    Outer child
    Kids are always guaranteed to make me smile, whatever they do or say. They're so much fun! If kids raise your spirits then you can help your local community by doing youth club help, or even teaching!

    Laughter
    Yeah, everyone knows that one. Laughing out loud every day is very healthy and uplifting. (Not easy to do when you're depressed!) I guess if there's any TV show that ever made you laugh out loud, buy all the DVDs and watch them! Common sense I guess but worth mentioning.

    Plan
    People always feel that little bit happier when they have something special planned; something to look forward to; something to daydream about. I think it would be very uplifting to keep a busy social life, and to arrange lots of breaks/trips with friends. Perhaps you could arrange a new trip every weekend, going somewhere slightly different every time?

    Days out don't have to cost anything. My friends and I once went on a day out to a really dull and boring town, just for a laugh, and we took photos of ourselves smiling infront of the local landmarks (like rubbish dumps and run-down factories).

    Independence
    I think it's important not to feel like you have to be in a relationship to be happy. You don't! If you get into the trap of always looking for a partner, then you are sentencing yourself to a life of misery. If you're with someone who makes you feel bad, split up! If you're going through a bad break-up, look forward to your independence! If you're desperately looking for love, just slow down and enjoy being single. You can be perfectly happy and single. I have been for many years, now and I'm in no rush to find a new girlfriend. Love is wonderful and enriches your life, but the relationship is stronger when you have two complete, whole people who like themselves and have their own lives.

    The best solution...
    Finally, for anyone who is depressed I would definitely recommend becoming a Christian! (Or if you are one, getting more involved in the Christian community). Statistically, Christians are happier people, regardless of their circumstances. I am a Christian and I would recommend it because my life has been improved so much thanks to Jesus and I believe he can help you too. It can bring a lot of comfort to some people to know that God loves them in times of desperation, and I believe it's true and he's always there for you, if you accept him. I no longer worry about anything any more because I have placed my entire life in God's hands. Christianity is not a delusion, it is the truth. I am certain of it. I have personally been spoken to by God, and I know other people who have too.

    I hope I haven't offended anyone with my recommendations. I'm just sharing my thoughts/views and throwing a few ideas out. Take them or leave them.

    However you deal with your depression, I wish you all the best with your recovery and hope you're back to your old self soon. I hope you take comfort in knowing you have the support and sympathy of me and the forum.

    If anyone here needs someone to talk to, or moan to (or you'd like to ask me more about my final suggestion) please feel free to PM me and I'd be happy to talk. I'm no therapist, but I am a friend to everyone.

    My love and best wishes to all over the Internet! :) :) :)

    Dizzy Man
     
    Lovnflman and Calibabe39 like this.
  14. jonJon

    jonJon Member

  15. LuckyStripe

    LuckyStripe Mundane.

    Dizzyman- could you explain WHY the hours after 1 am to go to sleep are very bad for you?

    What about people that work third shift or are just night owls? I know it's important for health through sleep that a person keeps a consistant sleep schedule (go to bed and wake up at the same time everyday) but what about "after 1 am" is unhealthy?

    I'm not being sarcastic... just curious.
     
  16. Dizzy Man

    Dizzy Man Member

    Well, to answer your question, I read in a couple of different sources (a while ago, so my memory is a bit vague on this) that there is a point during the night when your body does most of its healing, and that period begins around 1am. So by going to bed later than 1am you are compromising your body's natural restoration process, because it cannot do its healing while you are up and active, you need to be fully at rest for your body to do its work.

    I've had a quick look on Google and found a few tidbits that kinda support this:

    From http://www.***********/article/sleep.htm
    Get to bed as early as possible. Our systems, particularly the adrenals, do a majority of their recharging or recovering during the hours of 11PM and 1AM. In addition, your gallbladder dumps toxins during this same period. If you are awake, the toxins back up into the liver which then secondarily back up into your entire system and cause further disruption of your health. Prior to the widespread use of electricity, people would go to bed shortly after sundown, as most animals do, and which nature intended for humans as well.

    From http://www.clicks.co.za/clicks/Article.aspx?aid=192
    Ayurvedic medicine tells us that the most restorative sleep period is from 10pm to 6am. When we go to bed late, we confuse our pineal gland, which automatically starts to secrete melatonin, the sleep hormone, at about 8pm (right in the middle of the winding down evening kapha cycle). Therefore eight hours of sleep between 10pm and 6am are more refreshing than eight hours between 1am and 9am.

    From http://www.futurevisions.org/health_100ways.htm
    If you go out drinking, try to be in bed before 1am. Chinese medicine says the liver detoxes between 1am and 3am and is most efficient when you’re lying down.

    As for night owls who just love being up all night: I'm one of them! But like many things that are fun, they're not all healthy. When I was a teenager I never went to sleep before 2-3am and often stayed up much later, but after having very poor health the last few years I've learnt my lesson and now get to bed much earler. It's been really hard, but I did it by writing down the reason every time I had a late night and then making a rule that blocked that reason, so in the end all the rules covered all the reasons.

    As for people who work night shifts, well I personally just don't think humans are supposed to be up in the night working. It's sad that people have to. But there are many jobs that damage people's health, for example bar workers who are exposed to cigarettes, or firefighters who put their lives at risk, or (and this is a very common) people who work indoors with no windows, no sunlight, surrounded by electrical fields and neon lights, stare at harmful CRT screens all day, get no fresh air and inhale stale mouldy air, eat at their desk, sit in a chair with bad posture all day, harming their back and work under pressure, getting stressed about work, which is harmful to the body! The fact is most people just don't really think about health and safety at work, and don't look after themselves properly. Humans need to be out in the sun each day, with fresh air and sunlight, and live free of stress, and to go to sleep when it's dark. It's all natural.
     
  17. I have bi-polor (depressive and hypomania) and am in a relationship with someone else who suffers with depression. My two best friends also deal with depression as well. What I have found is that we all look out for each other. I used to think that I had a default that would keep me from having a successful relationship. Now, I am in the best relationship I have ever had. I love the fact that we understand each other and our depressions. Actually having others in my life with depression has helped us all to be much more content.
     
    MidnightSea likes this.
  18. carlo72

    carlo72 Member

    i never thought i would get depression, but i think i have it now (nightmare) spilt up with my partner of 15 years 3 month ago (cant let go she was everything to me and mean everything) tried everything to get over it, but didnt work took a overdose got discovered lost my job lost my nana lost my cat and on my birthday i use to get loads of vistors/cards got 2 cards no vistors, so i thought i,d go to the cemetary and visit the grave of my father only to find out the headstone has been taken due to vandaslism this has happen all in 3 months cant sleep dont have a job dont eat very well and to make matters worse ex partner come to get something couple of days ago with some bloke (who i,ve found out know to be her friends husband tried to kill him expression and throw a bottle through his car window and ended up being dragged out of the sea by the police dont remeber that though and been locked up all night so what a great time i am having (i try not to think it but sometimes i think i might aswell die it would be the best option!.
     
  19. lvmichael

    lvmichael Member

    I got off anti-depressants years ago and decided that showing the world how depressed I am made me feel better to just to see how uncomfortable I'd make other people, particularly these happy-go-lucky types who always seem to be happy. If I can throw a cloud into their clear blue sunny skies, it makes my day! It's like this, misery loves company. Now if you have a public image job, that's another matter, you need the income to survive and need that pleasant demeanor as part of your survival. But I don't have a public image job, so I can just let it rip! Let's say I walk into the break room at work, I can see too easily how uncomfortable I can make people,and before long, they leave the room and WOW!, you have the whole room to yourself!
     
  20. Yo I saw a post back there about somebody who lost ten years of their life to this psycho-industry shit. Power to ya Jack for realizin what these assholes are up to. Psychology right now is about as disciplined and perfected a science as alchemy or wizzardry, and I too was made one of their corporate slaves. I was forced into a psycho ward by my own fuckign family and put on their shit. These are people with no right to make other human beings guinee pigs, and they're immune to logic. My favorite example?

    1) You felt better since your absolute breakdown. You were put on pills since the breakdown. Therefore, the pills work.
    -WRONG: People come back from the brink on their own; Tests like these are not scientifically valid because they're done in situations where your mind and body are already fixing THEMSELVES, and when that happens, they give the medication credit, not the person. (Controlled enviornment not implimented, scientific method breached)

    ...They forced everyone to drink diet soda, fed us food that made us horribly sick, had no privacy in the showers, tried to force an AUTISTIC GIRL to interact with huge mobs of people as part of her "TREATMENT", forced us to share rooms with rapists/psychos/wierdos/creationists (cheap shot!), they made us watch bat man over and over and over and over and they hearded us into groups liek cattle: Groups A,B,C. Is this a list from craziest to most sane? Are we being judged? Is it alphabetical? I'll never fucking know. No music! You can fucking hang yourself with the little cords! Music, human decency and basic freedoms like the right to pee in peace are not part of anyone's TREATMENT. EVERYONE was medicated. It was the RULE. EVERYONE. Even people who were sent wrongly, or sent by parents for spite. It was perscribe first, ask questions later. This is not a conspiracy theory. WAKE UP. THEY TREAT PEOPLE LIEK GARABAGE! And who is to complain against it? A BUNCH OF CRAZY PEOPLE? WHO FUCKIGN CARES|!! No! I didn't relax on my bed and play my guitar and work shit out. I didn't listen to lamb of god or metallica or Bach... I listened to contemporary rap while heavilly medicated people danced monotonously and the autistic girl rang out in the same voice day and night :I WANNA GO HOME PLEASE!!! what the fuck is the point of this?

    An extreme view: People are better off dead than being exposed to psychiatry's cruelty and dark age science.
    A REALISTIC view: These people are greedy monsters who don't care about people, who's "patients" should be treated with dignity and respect, with medication based on the situation at hand, if at all.
     

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