Deceived by a friend

I found out today that someone that I thought I knew very well and was a very close friend has lied to me about a few things. These particular lies make no difference in my life. They are not lies about me or they don't include me in any way. The only way I was brought into it was the fact that they felt, for some unknown reason, that they needed to tell me lies. They made up elaborate stories that were just flat out lies.

I'm confused on how I feel about it because the lies don't include me at all. The thing that really pisses me off and hurts my feelings, to be honest, is that this person that I have spoken to every single day, numerous times a day for the past 6 months, has betrayed my trust. It's not so much what the lie is about as it is the fact that they lied...period. I've always made it clear to this person that I don't appreciate people lying to me. Its one of the deal breakers in a friendship. I hate being lied to, yet, this person chose to do it anyway for no apparent reason.

How would you deal with this if you had a friend that fessed up to you and told you they have been lying to you about things?

 

Depends on how much remorse they displayed

 

Depends why they felt the need to do it.

 

At least they were honest about lying.

 

It depends on the details. 'fessing up' is generally a good thing. But it could be done for reasons I don't sympathize with/care for.

 

How bad are the lies though

 

I could get past the lie but trust is broken no matter what ever reason they did it. Would have to wonder are there other lies and will there be more.

 

I think it depends on what they were lying about. Sometimes people lie because they feel insecure about something, so they are lying to protect themselves. I tend to be more forgiving about that. If there was no malicious intention involved, I see it as being relatively easily forgiven.

I'd also give them credit for fessing up. If it was something that you discovered on your own, there would be no indication that they had changed their ways.

I was friends with this girl once who grew up really poor, and who was overweight. She would would do things like double what her husband's income really was, and double the value of her in-laws car. She was being stupid, but I didn't call her out on that. She also lied by telling me that she used to be really thin, but I know that she was lying because she once told me that she had always been big. That was stupid too, but I didn't call her out on that.

If a friend is more bad than good, then it's good to get rid of them. If they are more good than bad, then it's good to forgive them.

So if your friend is mostly good, then I would say forgive them, but make clear that you hate lies, and that it would be a problem for them lie again.

 

I do think this person is remorseful. I know they feel bad for what they have done.

The first lie is no big deal. The 2nd lie is more of an elaborate story that really doesn't have anything to do with me but the fact that they told me the lie is what bothers me and the fact that they went through so much trouble to come up with such an elaborate lie.

That's what I'm concerned about.

Honestly, I don't understand the intention behind it. I don't see the point in lying...EVER so I don't understand what led this person to tell me these things.

I would say that this person is mostly good. The thing that I think bothers me is that they knew before the lies were told how I felt about liars. I don't see any point in their lies. I don't understand what they thought they were gaining from them.

 

Lies are the poor mans gold. It's something no-one can ever take away from them.

 

I am sorry you were lied to by your friend
yes, lies do break trust...and it is hard to fix sometimes, as how can you trust anything a person says to you that has lied to you 100% again?

but....depending on the circumstances and the whys and the lies....maybe there is still hope.

 

I don't think many people like being lied to, so I don't think that mentioning to someone that you hate being lied to is going to make them any less likely to lie to you.

 

or less

 

If deception is a really big issue for you then you will have to decide if you can put it behind you and accept that your friend broke that trust. You also have to consider that you will probably not view them the same way and what they tell you in the future will probably always have you wondering how much of it is true.

It has probably changed the friendship but that does not mean that it has to end unless you wish it to.

Hard call and sometimes you just have to do what is right for you.

 

Well for me it depends why they lied and if they just felt like they needed to or if they felt like it wasn't my business.

 

You said that the lie doesn't affect you in any way, so why do you care? For example, if a friend told me they made 40,000 a year but they realy only make 34,000.. Why should I care? If they lied and said they weren't available just because they didn't feel like hanging out, they didn't feel like it. Why care?
I guess I just don't see why it matters. And if in the future you sometimes wonder if you're not getting the whole truth, why does that matter? If they're a good person.

 

I noticed you played the pronoun game 'this person'


By any chance is 'this person' a fellow female?

 

What would that matter?

 

It matters because I trusted this person. They know how I feel about people lying to me and it felt like this lie wasn't necessary. There was no reason for an elaborate story to be made up and told to me. It wasn't what the lie was. It was the fact that they lied and betrayed my trust.

No. It's not a female.

 

That old serpent called the Devil and Satan
Who deceivieth the whole world
He was cast out into the earth
And his Angels cast out with him!!