this is one crazy christmas...it seems everyone is losing their closest...their family their friends..so many are dying and have died...its crazy. with my beliefs of an afterlife in heaven, although obviously i dont want a scary or horrifc death..im not really scared of it and with many i find it a time of rejoicing becuase i believ them to be at peace etc but the recent deaths ive been witnessing are so tragic and suden that its leaving me so unsettled. ive dealt with death before now...my granparents on my fathers side died when i was little..to little to understand properly. flo's dad died a month after i moved in with her family and then my next door neighbour and childhood playfriend died tragically in a car accident two years ago. with each death, as with the deaths that have taken place recently, it seems there is always someone closer to the vistim than me...i am always grieving the loss but mainly comforting the mourner. my nan died last month..she was old and generally unwell but it was sudden and unexpected..she was diagnosed with cancer and 2 weeks later died. i was blessed to be able to be there to say goodbye and hold her hand and although it was sad it was also beautiful.she told me that she would see me soon (but not too soon she added hastily!) and that when she did she wuld be fit and healthy. she wasnt afraid, she believd she was going to meet her creator and her last words were here we go. shes such an inspiration to me. last week my little sisters best friend died from lung cancer, aged 17. this has rocked emily world, and most of her school. it is ovbiously a tradegy..she was so young and everyone thought the treatment which she has been having for almost a year was clearing the cancer. it was sudden and the pain emily is experiencing is so raw. 2 days ago my friend fran, another close friend of emily...had to experience the sudden death f her grandad..he live on the same road as fran and they were really close. her nan is quite young and fit and is totally heart broken. there are also others close to me who have expereinced traumatic dethas to loved nes, and people whose close ones are dying right now. it hurts so much. the sudden disappaerance of smone..the final end of a life. its so strange and unsettling.for someone to exist and then to not. i dont know why im typin this...i guess i just wanted to talk it through. i guess becuase there are poeple in each instance who were closer to all of the people who died i have found myself in the role of comfrter when in relaity im grieiving myself. im trying to be strong. i cme home ealry and am sleeping on emilys floor..im with her almost 24/7 and shes being so brave...shes gone today to the funeral of her friend beth...imn ot looking forward to tonight. why? why at christmas?
oh,luchi....i'm sending all the positive energy and strength i can summon up for you....it is strange christmas...i feel it too..
thankyou darling...i think we can learn so much though..learn to love so much more and to be more open with our love...you never know when your time is gona be up. sending you lots of love this christmas xxxx
i feel it...three... i also have been thinking the same ways about death...how odd. Its a testing and trying time. Peace to you all at Christmas. Love from Roly.xxx
*big hugs* as i told you today, i'm experiencing the same feelings and thoughts, with my granny dying at the moment, and i'm constantly praying for you and emily, you are always in my thoughts. talk to me anytime
thankyou mr jaz..it was the best thing ever to see you yesterday...sorry i was such a grump...merry christmas, am praying for granny, big love xxx
Was sitting here and thinking about your posts......Luchi I don't think there is any reason why things like this always seem to happen before Christmas....my Dad died ( when I was twenty-one ) just before Christmas....I think you feel it more though, because it's a holiday season and everyone else seems to be having a majorly good time, is putting on silly hats, ripping open parcels etc etc and you just feel totally alienated from the whole thing...... I guess the truth is that Christmas can be a lonely depressing time for lots of folks, not just all of you who have lost someone, but the homeless, the recently divorced parents, the unhappily single singles....it's a tough time for people who don't fit into the happy family round the tree image......but so very few people do...and I think the dissappointment of unfulfilled expectations can be overwhelming. But before I make you all feel worse than you did when I started this ramble.....when I read about you supporting your sister, about Claires strange but compassionate Christmas season.....about Jaz being there for you.....it makes me feel full of hope. I know that you are all having a rough time, but if Christmas is about anything for me it's a symbolic celebration of the birth of Christ, and seeing that little bit of God in you all.....well I'm not going to get all Christmas cardy on you all....but big hugs to you all.........
It is a strange Christmas, but it was a strange year too! I knew a few people well who died, and even some famous Dutch people died: the Queen mother, her husband, our national singer who everyone loved, Theo van Gogh, a moviemaker with a very strong opinion who was shot in Amsterdam and many more. 2004 sucks, I hope 2005 will bring all the good to you all! I'll send the last warmth from my heart to yours this Christmas! Take care
I think many people find Christmas to be a hollow experience... I can understand the significance of it if you are a committed Christian... but for many it just seems to be an increasingly isolated time... Sorry to hear of all the people who are going through shit this Christmas... there is never a good time for people to die... Fly...
