Dear Lode. (chapter 2)

Well I'm continuing my advice column.

While I am not a doctor, I do play one on the internet. I am also competent to give advice on love, answer technical questions, relationships with family, religious crises, and which of your children the nazis should kill a la Sophies Choice.

Shoot.

 

How do i get my friends mom to sleep with me?

 

Dear Lode,

I have a terrible case of fungal warts inside my anus.
What would you suggest for diner tonight?

Love, bird.

 

Hi Spence,

I have a really wierd bump sticking out just below my abdomen, it is quite long and occasionally becomes rigid when I see cheerleaders on the tv. It becomes difficult to button my jeans and I often have to remain sitting while all my friends are playing soccer. My girlfriend who is a premed student once attempted to remove it by pulling it quickly, in the hopes that it would break away from the torso. The swelling did go down for awhile, but it did not budge, and the very next day it was back again.

I have heard that this is normal?? Please help me I am scared.

 

Is she single?

You need to get some time to chat with her when your friends not around first off. My suggestion would be to create a loose thread by which you'd need to ask her to help you with something.

What's she do for a living? Think of a way to work that in there for the asking for her help. Dazzle her with your wit, show her what a charming and elloquent young man you are, and then make your move.

Make sure her son doesn't come up.

 

Lode i must say your advice is primo.

 

Tie a rubber band around it real tight, and it'll go away.

 

dear lode,
there's this guy...i stalk him over the internet...but i'm sort of scared he doesn't know i exist. i mean yeah that means i'm a good stalker but i'm wanting to take it to the next level. how do i get him to notice me?
sincerely, shifty eyes

 

hey you,

it's seriously too complex and messed up for me to even try to explain.

love, booga

 

SenorBong!

 

Is it Skip? Tape yourself naked to his dodge.

Taping yourself is a bit tricky. Get a running start.

 

it's not skip......
although thats a good idea
thanks lode

 

Spence, I also have a problem with this pesky vcr. It keeps flashing 12:00 on the face, even though it is actually a little bit later than that. Whatever time I look at it, it always says 12:00. What should I do??

 

Lode,

origin of language in humans ... cultural or genetic?

 

Lode, you fucker, you did not answer my question.

 

Smoke a lot of weed. Eventually time will slow down enough to where it's always noon. (or midnight)

*claps hands* Problem solved.

 

dear lode,

how do i stop dreaming?

yours truly,
faerie

 

Well is a bit of a complicated question, but to give a very brief answer to a nuanced question, the need for communication is always a cultural need, and the genisis of this is through cultural and not specifically genetic means.

 

lode can you explain to me the theory of epistemological anarchism

 

Gotta go back to my hometown to vote. be back tomorrow.

Keep writing loyal fans!