Dealing with shame associated with sex

I grew up in a very conservative family. Sex was taboo, nudity was unacceptable, and my parents forbid even the mention of sex in their home. But I've always had a ridiculous sex drive. When I was first discovering sex during puberty, I had a male friend I experimented with. We got caught one day, and it was quite possibly the worst day of my life. Without realizing it, I repressed my sexuality. I didn't even lose my virginity until I was 20. I am now engaged to the only woman I've ever had sex with. She is the love of my life, and yet I want the feeling of sexual pleasure with more people. I want to experience the things I missed out on. With more women, and possibly men.

But I am ashamed to think about these things. The same type of shame I felt when I paid for a girl I knew's only fans. To support her, and satisfy my curiosity of seeing her nude body. This site has been a blessing for me to learn more about myself. But I still feel ashamed when I use it.

I do not understand how to explain this to my fiance. I'm sure she'd understand, but the guilt I still experience is just overwhelming. Why do I feel this way about something pleasurable, which we all enjoy and need?

 

Its a hurdle some of us have to over come. What type of person is your wife? Does she come from the same background or is she more open? How you open up to her depends on that. See what she’s into, tell her what you’re into and what you’d like to do if you get there in conversation.

 

From what I read, there is only one thing you can do now. Embrace the real you that you are and live your life according to your needs as long as it doesn’t harm or degrade anyone. You don’t have to be open about it with your family if they can’t accept it.
There is no shame in sexuality, just different upbringings with different opinions about it. Besides, how did you think you were conceived???
Even if that was done in the name of God, at least one partner had to be sexually aroused for it to happen. That’s called sex even if it’s making love or reproduction. At least one of your parents experienced sexual pleasure but they are not open enough to discuss those things, you can’t change that.
But you can change you.

 

Geez, does this sound familiar.....seems a lot of us have been fucked up by coservative parents. I’m 56 and I’m still waiting for my birds and bees talk.
Took me too long but there is nothing to be ashamed of, missed out on a lot. If it gives you pleasure that’s all that matters with a consenting partner.
Who gives a rats ass what others think, except your girl.
Talk to her and see what she is into, she may be intimidated herself to bring things up.

 

I consider myself a life-long practising Christian. I mostly follow the rules I've been taught since childhood. However as an adult, I now understand that the all Christian religious teachings are human interpretations from the good book. You don't have to look far into history to find examples of how people have grossly misinterpreted those teachings as a means to justify their own ends. So, I have my own personal interpretations that I follow. Let go of the past, follow your heart and mind.

 

Agreed....

 

Well written posts before mine. Based on your handle, Rocknroll97, I'm going to say you're around 23. Have been with your fiancé since you were 20 and have first and only sex with her. Upbringing pushes thoughts and feelings into your subconscious either positive or negative. You have negative thoughts about how sex is supposed to be. You also have a strong hormonal balance leaning towards sex. You, like most of us that visit this forum, have found the pleasure sex brings to the body and mind. But it has also mixes you up. This is understood. Thoughts of experiencing sex in various forms either with multiple partners or same gender does bring about a curiosity within ones mind. You have to get past the negative and look at sex as a wonderful experience that us humans have. If you are not ready to settle with one partner for now then don't. Explain to her that you are not ready to be monogamous with her and go explore your sexuality. Not doing so may haunt you the rest of your life or cause you to make poor decisions later.

 

I too grew up in a very conservative household. Sex was only to between married couples....PERIOD. I did get the birds and bees talk after I was caught with a Playboy. That was an embarrassing talk! The idea of an orgasm baffled me, until one day in the shower I had my first! Scared the hell out of me. But it felt so good I kept doing it. My first real sex was with my neighbor friend. "Camping" in the back yard, looking at Playboys got us so worked up we ended up blowing each other. Loved it. Felt guilty sitting in church while they preached the sins of homosexual sex......but me and my friend were right back at it again, and did so frequently for a couple of years. I lost my virginity to another virgin when I was 19. Never felt guilty. The only time I felt guilty was much later when I had a one night stand, and I basically used her for my pleasure. Again guilt when I cheated on my ex several times.......the sex with her had become boring.
My current wife was raised VERY conservatively. Sex with her WAS amazing. Over time I brought up different sexual things. We talked and talked, and she started coming out of her shell. She became my sexual soul mate for years, until one day........."we shouldn't be doing these things any more". We role played, watched porn, had MFMs, she slept with a woman.......you name it, we tried it. Then again, one day, these things are something that a proper husband and wife shouldn't be doing. Now we're sexless, and have been. I took a big risk with her in our early days confessing past experiences and fantasies.......she initially was reluctant but grew in to a great sex life.
Go gradually with your GF. I know you've only been with her, and you think the grass is always greener. Hopefully she'll come around to accept some alternative lifestyles and you can grow and enjoy together. If she isn't up to your expectations then move on.

 

Most of my twenties were spent dealing with shame and bliss when it came to sexual activities.
I was fortunate to find the right women, bad girls, that introduced me to a variety of fun,
I was finally over it by the time I was twenty eight.