Dealing with bad news?? (Long Post)

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by FunkyPhreshMama, Aug 20, 2005.

  1. FunkyPhreshMama

    FunkyPhreshMama Visitor

    Ok so tyesturday was my 4th ultrasound. The only reason I got it is because my mother in law came to the hosbital with me a flipped out on the people after she found out how the hosbital had been treating me and my husband like we were iditos.

    The last few times I went in I could tell there is something they werent telling us, and they don't do 3 ultrasounds for nothing.

    They kept feeding me and my husband bullshit like they just neede to see the babys head, then they changed it to they couldnt get good pictures of his brain.

    Finally the doctor yesturday told me I need to go to duke and have a ultrasound there and maybe talk to a neurologist, and that he thinks something that makes spinal fluid in Zions brain is swollen.

    What I can not for the life of me figure out is why no one told me this and everyone knew about it for a month or two know, if they thought this for so long, why wasnt i being sent to duke sooner, and why the radiologists didnt mention anything to the doctore, they just threw the reports on his desk and left before he even knew they were there....... he didnt even know what i was talking about untill he did the ultrasound because no one explained what was going on to him.

    Just wondering if anyone else had been thru a situation like this and how did you deal with it, I am trying so hard to not think about it but it is stressing me out and stress is definately not something baby needs. Theres a chance nothing is wrong at all but once "brain" and "surgery" were mentioned I can not stop thinking about bad things that could happen and it sucks............... I am due on the 15th of next month but they said if i have him before I go to the neurologist I can have him naturally and take him up there after he is born, but it woldve been nice if they told me this when they first found it out so I could get into the "good" hosbital sooner.....
  2. YellowBellyHippy

    YellowBellyHippy Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

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    Aww mama, Im sosorry you are dealing with this! :( Sometimes Dr.'s forget who their real boss is. Thats you, the one who is paying for their services. You just demand answeres and tell them you want them now. Be powerful and demanding. You will find out that they will be quick to respond. Afterall, there are alot of laws they need to follow and one of them is informing the patient.

    Alot of us forget that we are in charge of our medical care and alot of Dr.s will take advantage of that.

    Be strong and tell them you refuse to wait on more second of more day to know what is going on with you and your baby.

    I also want to wish you the very best for your sweet baby and a very lovely birth.

    Im sure everything will be just fine and I bet you are so excited to snuggle your sweet sweet baby!
  3. RyvreWillow

    RyvreWillow Member

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    grrrrr!!! Yes, i would definately be calling everyone who has seen you, walking into their offices if you have to, and demand answers from every one of them. Even if it isn't likely to be a real problem, they HAVE to tell you ASAP! If for no other reason, so you can make appointments with specialists; you only have a few weeks until your due date, that doesn't give you much time to get in! Giving you 2 freaking ultrasounds, not to mention 4, and not telling you why is NOT acceptable, and far from normal!

    My daughter (now 2 years old) had a "spot" on her heart that may or may not have been anything at all, but the doc explained it to me at the next appointment, and scheduled an appointment with a specialist right away; i think it was less than a month before i had another ultrasound and appointment with a high-risk OB. Ended up being nothing, it didn't even show up on the second ultrasound, but they covered their butts and made sure they could catch any problems SOON. Everyone at least deserves that!

    Good luck hun! At the very least you can cause such a stink that maybe they'll rethink their methods when the next poor scared mama comes through there, and it'll be easier on her!
  4. merrijayne4

    merrijayne4 Member

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    3 Out Of My 4 Pregnancies They Had Told Me There Could Be A Possibility Of A Problem. Spina Bifida/ Kidneys/retardation All Worried Me To Death The Thidrd Pregnancy I Had 2 Ultrasound Higher Levels( More Detailed) The Last I Had 3 Including A 3d Ultrasound. Each Time They Worried Me Not Telling Me Much And Refering Me For More Detailed Evaluation. And There Has Never Turned Out To Be Any Problems They Have Spoke Of. We Are Now Expecting Our 5th Dec 26th And We've Decided Not To Have All The Testing. That Would There Be Any Problem Its Not Like We Would Not Want Our Baby. So Why Worry And Go Through All The Agrivation. Sometimes It Seems Medical Proffessional Want To Rule Everything Out And Or Verify Everything For Fear Of Being Sued. I Would Do What Needs To Be Done And Try And Relax As Best You Can And Enjoy Your Baby. If Your Baby Does Need Help Or Treatment Just Try And Look At It As Something That Needs To Be Done. There Is Nothing That Can Be Done To Change It Now. And I Understand It Really Sucks. My Last Baby Was Born Septic He Had Such A Bad Infection He Was Hospitalized 10 Days 3 Different Antibiotics, Several Times A Day. These Antibiotics Were So Strong And Currosive On His Little Veins He Had A New Iv At Least Once A Day. It Really Tore Me Up Watching Him Go Through That. I Wanted To Leave And Take My Baby Home I Felt Like They Were Controlling My Life And He Almost Wasn't Even Mine The Way I Had No Control. Now Looking Back I Got Through It And So Did He It Was Just Something I Had To Do. And Sometimes Even If Things Turn Out Poorly If You Know Your Going To Have To Deal With Them Ahead Of Time And Just Tell Yourself I Have To Do This. You Get Through It Maybe Not Easier But Stronger Because You Have Prepared For It And Expect Or Atleast Know What To Expect. I Hope This Helped Some. And I'll Be Thinking Good Thoughts For You And Your Baby.
  5. moominmamma

    moominmamma Member

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    I so feel for you on this one. Healthcare systems are different in the U.K , so I don't know if you can do this, but after having a third ultrasound with my second son and this ultrasound taking a long time and noone saying anything despite my asking, i went in floods of tears to my local doctors and got them to ring the hospital and to take me back in and tell me what was going on. It turned out that two ultrasound technicians couldn't find Tim's stomach hence the worry, in the end it all turned out fine he had no problems, but I do remember the terrible anxiety I felt all alone at the hospital.

    So I'd say that the best thing is to do whatever you need to get action as soon as possible. AS you say worrying isn't doing you or Zion any good at all. I'd take any friends or relatives who will support you with you and get that scan at the good hospital as soon as you can. You need to know if your precious baby has any problems and it just isn't good enough for them to leave you hanging around like this.

    Putting you and your lovely family in my prayers,

  6. Maggie Sugar

    Maggie Sugar Senior Member

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    I don't have any advice, except to try to advocate for yourself and your baby as much as you can.

    Love and hope for you and your baby.
  7. FunkyPhreshMama

    FunkyPhreshMama Visitor

    you guys thanks so much for the helpful posts I have calmed down a lot........
  8. Dakota's Mom

    Dakota's Mom Senior Member

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    Doctors have a way of making things so bad when there really is no problem at all. They just want to cover their backsides so you can't sue them. Nine times out of ten the baby is fine. Try to stay positive. If your little one does have problems, face them head on. But living in fear for the next few weeks won't do you or the babe any good.

    Stay strong

  9. Chill~mama

    Chill~mama Member

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    You are in my thoughts and in my heart
    I hope all works out for the best
    It will though, have faith.
    Life is a miracle in itself.
  10. mynameiskc

    mynameiskc way to go noogs!

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    i swear, does anyone else get really tired of having to be a pain in the ass bitch to get some information outta their doctors? fucking irritating. i'm sorry they're giving you the runaround, funky.
  11. FunkyPhreshMama

    FunkyPhreshMama Visitor

    well i heard from the place that will be taking care of me and baby and they were all very nice, they said it is nothing so bad that i need to come in for an emergency appointment, they said they will try to get me in asap and if i have the baby before the apointment there is no problem with me having him naturally, they see no need to induce labor or anything so i think it will all work out fine........

    thanks again you guys

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