Dealbreakers

What are yours?

Ie. sleeping with someone else, smoking, dutch ovens, toenail clippings lying around, online or long distance affairs, sullying and not resetting the microwave, lying. bladibladibla.

Keep in mind these are dealbreakers that would most definitely break the relationship, NO compromises.

 

Waking w/the my first words being
"If you'll notice the arterial nature of the blood coming from the hole in my head, you can assume that we're all having a real lousy day."

~~~~~

Seriously
Hard lines are similar to absolutes - they should be avoided if possible.
Most things can be worked if both are willing...

 

most of those are pretty minor gripes and are forgiveable

 

Oh come on. I'm not looking for advice or some happy medium. I'm pretty sure anyone worth their salt with enough experience in their bag has some idea of what they absolutely will not compromise with.

By the way, most of those "petty gripes" were to lighten this place up a little.

 

Suppose this shouldn't be any weirder than anything else about me
but that's the way of my Relationships.


So...... to directly answer your question
Many things are possible
but nothing specific that could be posted w/o writing short stories...


Happy?

 

/'Definitely cheating, abuse regardless of the form, hard drugs, dishonesty.

 

having sex with someone else (including oral) would be a deal breaker. I think online stuff and things like lap dances I could work through.

sexually abusing a child would be a deal breaker.

 

being mean for no reason or mean to strangers....and being narrow minded

 

sexual abuse I'd be out the door never returning the first time, any other type of abuse that the person was not willing to go to counseling for (ie-name calling, being rough while arguing), hard core addictions, not being ready to settle down, laziness that was not linked with depression

 

sexual offender
abusive
smokes around me (after I've requested that they don't)
cheats on me
uncaring/puts no effort at all into our relationship

 

Being unwilling to turn the radio/TV/ stereo off when asked, or ask permission before turning them on in the first place. There are times when I really need quiet - and anyone who shares my life and home needs to respect this.

I know this is probably why I am still single...

 

ummm

cheating
lying
stealing
being disrespectful
not giving me enough space
anything to do with exes
doing something that puts me out immensly for no good reason other that their own pleasure... ie taking drugs and being in such a state that it ruins my night out... that sort of thing

 

The older you get, or maybe I should say the more mature you are, the longer the list seems to be...In my case, however there's still only two things that will make me walk away and never look back: infidelity and lying. The list of things I can't stand however, is as follows: racism, superficiality, materialism and willful ignorance (I don't know, I know that I don't know and I don't care that I don't know). those are extreme turn offs to me.

 

Some don't like it when their SO smokes around them, I find it's a dealbreaker if they smoke at all. I don't want to build a future with someone who's life is willfully being shortened. Is that very selfish?

Definitely agree with the list getting longer with time but maybe that list under Turn Offs and not exactly dealbreakers for me.

Is it a dealbreaker if a person is a stripper, a thief (I don't mean getting kleptomaniac on your things), if they don't like animals, no respect for nature?

Even though the list gets longer eventually, it's kind of sad to grow with someone in a relationship and find that some things don't click as well and you both don't agree on something. - That you have so many great things going but this one.. massive blemish that seems to colour everything else. And vice versa of course.

 

Narrow-mindedness, I'd say.

 

Well, I've been with my share of liberal minded men and it was also quite annoying that they were unable to form or hold definite or strong opinions about certain things. Almost as if "anything goes". Not my cup of tea.

 

You know what, Hannah? I think I know what you're talking about. The whole open-minded ways of thinking can also vary too, and... Well, even though I consider myself to be ridiculously open-minded about certain things, there still ARE some things I get rather picky about. But then, being an open-minded person, I THINK about those thing and try to maybe suppress my true feelings because those true feelings may seem rather selfish, and...again, being an open-minded person, I tend to question such things forming inside my brain.

One thing I can say is... Just go easy on us open-minded guys because some of us are actually STRUGGLING to be more open-minded than we actually are. If you tell us not to be so damned "chill" about certain things, at least some of us will listen. I certainly did.

 

Hmm. That's a good point, maybe not so exclusive to men or anything like that (not that you were meaning it that way). For anyone, including women. It's terrible to be so narrowminded, true. But also a bit disconcerting and illusive when one cannot be honest and upfront about what they're not willing to put up with.

It's very hard thinking everything's okay and a partner is pretty laidback when actually they're struggling, as you said. Then a few months or years down the road, things blow up.

I understand about the selfish part too. And sometimes we test ourselves to see how tolerant we can be.. sometimes we find out it's just not going to work. Balance, I suppose.

 

I'm plenty open minded, but I still would be out the door due to cheating, excessive dishonesty, maybe abuse.
Doesn't mean I'm not open minded...I considered all the possibilities, and realized those things would make me unhappy...so I won't deal with them. I'm not forcing them on anyone else, and I don't judge anyone else.

When I take a walk and turn right instead of left, am I being close minded by ignoring what's to the right? No...I just personally don't care for what's over that way.
It isn't close-minded to have 'lines' so to speak, so long as you've considered/tested them and come to an honest realization of why you have them.

 

Grim has further elaborated on my point, I think.