dead end

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Earthy Mama, Jun 20, 2006.

  1. Earthy Mama

    Earthy Mama Feel my wrath... ;)

    So I'm kind of pissed at my significant other. We have 3 kids and a very stable relationship. I hate to say it but its so stable that its boring. I don't want to leave him, thats not even in my mind but I'm bored crapless and don't know what to do about it. I tried to suggest things, he usually doesn't want to do anything. This is understandable because he works and all but we NEVER do anything. We hardly get away from the kids and I'm a stay at home mom so basically I'm home everyday all day and that drives me crazy. He really doesn't seem to want to put effort forward. When I tell him I want to do something together he says, "ok you suggest something". I suggest something and he doesn't want to do it so we end up doing things seperately. All he does when he comes home from work is play video games. Its frustrating. I wish he would suggest something to do (and I constantly tell him this) but he doesn't so the same thing happens everyday... Nothing. Any suggestions? I'm bad at talking and I want to think this out be4 I confront him so I don't just yell at him. Any ideas of different things we can do would be cool too! What do you guys think? I just hate to feel so dead inside like I've lost him.
     
  2. fitzy21

    fitzy21 Worst RT Mod EVAH!!!!

    bowling? its what my parents did every friday night while me and my sister grew up - they bowled in a league, so they had a healthy competition between them too. it provided them a night out every week.

    maybe you could try to do something he wants to do one week, and then the next week do somethign of your choosing.
     
  3. ihmurria

    ihmurria fini

    tell him you've made reservations at x place
    even if it's the little burger joint two blocks from your place

    what about signing up for something you could do together, like the above bowling suggestion or ballroom dance or volunteering somewhere together every night
     
  4. Carlfloydfan

    Carlfloydfan Travel lover

    wow..21 and married with three kids..I would feel trapped. I can't really suggest much. But just get out of the house, hire a baby sitter and enjoy life at least once a week. If he sees you having fun he'll want to join.
     
  5. DancerAnnie

    DancerAnnie Resident Beach Bum

    Getting away for one day a week is a good idea. Find a sitter for every Friday night and go out and DO something, even if you have to drag his ass out kicking and screaming.

    Or, you can throw his video game consol out the window...that's always a good option.

    I did that once, though...and the guy dumped me...so, on second thought, I wouldn't recommend that : -/
     
  6. .Hannah.

    .Hannah. Member

    I've never trusted babysitters.
     
  7. Carlfloydfan

    Carlfloydfan Travel lover

    babysitters are usually honest young adults looking for a few extra bucks..as long as you are a good judge of character you'll have no problems.
     
  8. .Hannah.

    .Hannah. Member

    You wish you had boobs.
     
  9. .Hannah.

    .Hannah. Member

    For once, it seems we agree... somewhat. But I wouldn't be so proud as to insist reading a person's character is so straightforward. A (young) kid is practically an invalid. And you want a what... stranger... WHAT?! coming near my invalid?

    I think not.


    Earthy M,
    Since it seems he's shut you out and has flatlined to zombienation, hightailing it (with the kids) may be your last resort.
     
  10. whereami

    whereami Member

    Since you've already made it apparent that you're bored as shit or you've let him know that you want to do something & he responds by playing video games,you could plan something with another female friend like a night out on the town on a Friday night. I don't mean going out to fuck random guys (unless that's what you want) but just harmless fun,going to the local bar or something. And since you're certain he ain't gonna leave the house,he could stay with the kids.

    When he sees you getting all dressed up,putting makeup on,dressing nice,smelling good (provided you're not a hippie) he'll wonder where the hell you think you're going,raise a fuss & all. That's when you throw it in his face that you always try to make plans with him but he never wants to do anything so you're going out with your girlfriends. Guys hate that & I can't believe I'm even suggesting it,lol! That should prompt him to buck up & take the initiative.

    And if that still doesn't work,then you can split.

    BTW,how's the sex life? Has that dwindled as well?
     
  11. Bumble

    Bumble Senior Member

    I would book a weekend trip to a state park to go camping with the family. it's really cheap. Like $5 a day per person. It'll bring you all together and the video games will stay at home! If you can get a babysitter, then maybe check out a festival or gathering of some sort? Book it without him knowing so that he will HAVE to go because he prolly doesn't want to waste money and all. My xx b/f played video games constantly. Most of the time I ended up going out without him. Atleast he's a good guy tho. It seems at if all the assholes come to me...lol
     
  12. Carlfloydfan

    Carlfloydfan Travel lover

    well, we've only really discussed one thing in the past before this, in my topic. I am sure we could find many things to agree upon, we just have not talked a lot.
     
  13. RELAYER

    RELAYER mādhyamaka

    Hey Eryn, sorry to hear that your so bored! You could always ask us to babysit though, Jack is big enough now that we could handle watching more children! And I never even saw your new baby! Or even you guys could all come over and hang out since were always home! Just let us know ok ;)
     
  14. RetroGroove_Grrl

    RetroGroove_Grrl I'm a big girl now

    I think Ihmurria has the idea... Make plans, and make him do it. I mean obviosuly making a pplan to go shopping for undies istn going to excite him, but yeah, maybe dinner out or something... I know it sucks having to makethe first move but it might be your only option for the time being.

    Perhaps do something you used to do before you had kids... that could be fun.

    I think most guys use video games to wind down, kinda like us chicks with having a bath or reading a book, so taking that away from him wouldn't help, but if you think hes spending too much time with that, then makybe you need to address that with him.

    YOur relationship is the most important in your family. If you guys arent happy, its all downhill from there, and he needs to know that.
     
  15. Dafixer

    Dafixer Guest

    I feel your pain wife does me the same but weve been toghether 16 years
    I cut alot of grass lol
    good luck
     
  16. Peanuts

    Peanuts Nutz

    My husband and I don't go out on dates together hardly ever. Maybe once a year. We don't live near family. I'm not very comfortable with the baby sitter deal unless it's our next door neighbors and as it is we ask them to watch the dog when we go away for long day trips. Bill works and I am also a stay at home Mom. Some nights the thought of hearing another childs voice makes me want to stuff cotton in my ears. Day in and day out it's like groundhog day most days. Now that summer is here the routine is hanging out by the pool for a few hours, then movie, dinner, and more pool. During that time I walk my dog for 20 minutes while Bill hangs out with the boys.

    For our date time because we don't go out together we make a movie night maybe once or twice a week. The boys go to bed at 8:15 and we go downstairs and hang out together. If we don't watch movies together he works on his computer constantly. That used to drive me bonkers!

    As a couple, married with children, you really need time just for the two of you. If he's tired then how about trying a movie night? You could have snacks, popcorn, beer, whatever in the comfort of your own home. He doesn't even have to put his shoes on! :)
     
  17. Gypsy_girl

    Gypsy_girl Member

    Yeah I agree with the others. You could either go out as a family and do stuff (the beach, piccknicks etc), or hire someone to look after them (parents perhaps if you're not comfortable with babysitters), and go out for dinner, to see a band, a movie, there are a million different things you could do :)

    Hope that helps and good luck.
     
  18. RELAYER

    RELAYER mādhyamaka

    her 3rd baby is like, a mad small baby. I dont know how old, but earthy how old is she like 1-2months? you guys need to come over, just pm me or call or whatever, we can let our babies play! And jack never met Riley so it would be fun!
     
  19. Weepingoak

    Weepingoak Member

    you know Eryn,
    I was just talking to my sister about this subject. Grab your man as soon as he walks into the house. Lock the bedroom door and talk for 10 minutes make out real quick anything. and make a point to never treat him like one of the kids. She has been with the same work-a-holic 15 years and they never go out and do anything but she swears that it is the little sitting on the poarch drinking coffee in the morning before work and the 10 minutes after work that really changed things for her. She said my BIL now follows her downstairs when she is putting in laundry for a quick make out session ect. It sparked alot for them. I sometimes love have 5 sisters they are full of knowledge
     
  20. whereami

    whereami Member

    I think people are missing the point here. Not knocking anybody's idea of what this couple should do. But she's already mentioned that she's fed up with him not giving a crap about their relationship but also not listening to any suggestions so he just goes right back to doing what he always does:tune her out & play video games. I can pretty much guarantee that if you were to plan a night out without him,it will get his attention then. It may cause an argument but it's an argument you've already won since you've let him know how much this bothers you & he's had the chance to listen or make a change yet he hasn't put forth the effort to do so.
     

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