I've been dating a guy for about a month.... and we go on alot of dates. He pays alot for dinner and we do alot of free things and I pay for a reasonable amount of things for me. I have a large amount of guilt though because we go on alot of dates..... alot. We aren't boyfriend and girlfriend and I think I am overanalyzing this. Anyway, I need someone to rationalize to me that things are normal. That him paying for me is normal and me paying occasionally is normal and doing free things is normal.
What is the distinction between dating him and being his girlfriend? More importantly, have you made this distinction explicit to him? When my fiance and I were first dating (though that for us was an exclusive bf/gf relationship), he paid far more often when we went out because he has more money than I do. Not knowing much about this relationship -- how well did you know one another before starting to date, what exactly does "going out on dates a lot" mean (twice a week, every other day, etc.), where do you see this going, etc. -- it's really hard to say what is normal. The fact that you've been dating for about a month, you go out on a lot of dates, but you're not willing to call him your boyfriend suggests to me that you may be feeling less emotionally attached than he is. If I'm guessing right, then you may be leading him on.
The 50/50 ideal seems fine to me, while keeping no real tabs and just doing it naturally. if hes broke one week cover him and he'll get you back if you are ever broke for whatever reason another week. but keeping tabs, in my opinion just adds un-needed stress. everything tends to balance out if its an honest relationship to begin with. just make sure you don't deal with moochs and cheats.
It takes awhile to get used to. There's a strange paradox about "equality" of men and women, and then there has to be some leeway for traditional things like men paying for women. You'll have to find a way to balance this out on your own. Not all gifts are monetary. Not all acts of love are through the usage of money, and in my opinion, women (especially women) should learn to be more comfortable with the fact that men buying things does happen. So what? Make him breakfast in bed, massage him. Think of something cool for his birthday instead of stressing about yourself wrestling the bill out of his hand the next time you go to dinner. Go with the flow. Ultimately you should be finding ways to make yourself comfortable. If this dynamic doesn't work for you... sleep with his friend. Just kidding.
It's totally normal for some realtionships hon, don't worry, just let things go as they go. Make sure he's ok with the current balance in who pays for what, but as long as he's happy and you'r ehappy, what's the problem?
