Sorry if this is in the wrong category... But, Hey whoever reads this... I was in a 13 year relationship that ended in November last year, I've been single for almost 6 months now, which is fine BTW. My issue is that I don't have much trust in men and do find men intimidating at times. I've been out of, or shall I say, never dated (I've been in relationships since I was 16) and I'm very nervous about actually meeting new guys. I have spoken to some guys via texts ect but when it comes to meeting them, I bail out, or they do. I don't know what the expectations are of dating or what to do and I'm quite quiet when you meet me, to start with (I'm more confident over messages), even talking on the phone freaks me out, let alone the idea of being with someone new... Im not sure what makes me nervous apart from most of the guys I talk to are only after 1 thing and I am insecure at times, about lots of little things a long term partner wouldn't notice or be bothered by. I'm also quite naive at times without realising it and this worries me with men as it has gotten me hurt in the past. Anyone have any advice on how to overcome this fear of dating/men... Feel so silly reading this back
Get involved in activities that will have you in contact with others that might have the same interest as you, just look to make acquaintances or friend, this get you used to meeting and talking to people, and of course more, don't go into it with big expectations, Just enjoy the experience and meeting people. Classes, workshops. My personal experience is with dancing, look for a regular dance event with a free beginners class before the dance(swing, blues, ballroom). These classes are done as a group and they rotate partners so you'll dance and say a quick hello to 5 up to 20 partners. when the dance begins, you'll feel a bit comfortable being asked to dance by partners in the group. These dances are very non-threatening, very different than going to a bar or club. Make friends with the ladies and they'll help you know who the safer friendlier guys are. Don't go to a major chain like Fred Altair or Arthur Murray, they just want to get a lot of money from you. Some dances just exist to hold a dance others are attached to independent teachers, both are good. If you go further, pick an independent that has weekly group classes an only charges by the month, theses classes will also help you meet people. Also, 90% of the time at these dances, everyone is very tolerant and willing to help out a new dancer, I'm a guy and the ladies would ask me and help me to dance.
Thank you, I will try and look into that, things don't re open properly in the UK for a little while but I appriciate that I guess that would help with the anxiety of close contact with another man as well.
IMO never look at meeting people as a DATE. It is all about hanging out. With that in mind you have no dating barriers or qualifications or standards to meet. Think about it, getting ready for a date causes nervousness and a lot of OMG what if's, but getting ready to go and hang our without any expectations is a breeze. If you are hanging out with a person or people who don't seem right to you, you most likely don't feel bad about walking away. But on a date you need to set up a caller to make your phone ring with an emergency to get you out of there.
Best I can suggest is to be social and hang around people if you are that kind of person and getting to meet guys, see where things lead. Not always easy sometimes. Join activities and when you trust someone who can steer you. Don’t always go for the pretty guy who talks a good game ...... a personal observation here: a shy and single guy liked a woman but too shy to make a move, that was more than 30 years ago. She took the lead and got him to admit his interest, and well, they are still together. Whether you or the guy would make the move isn’t the point, but to give a quieter guy a chance
My advice is to judge each person by their own actions and not with the negative attitude right off the bat that you don’t have much trust in men. What I am saying is give them a chance. It really is that simple. There are just as many men out there who have been lied to by a woman and I know that you don’t want the actions of those women held against you. When I met my husband, I hit the lottery because I met the most loving and supportive man I have ever met. Take it one day at a time. Don’t automatically expect to be lied to but don’t bury your head in the sand and make excuses for it if you do find out you are being lied to. There is something worse than being single and that is being with the wrong person. Find what speaks to your heart and get involved with it somehow. If you’re an animal lover, volunteer to walk dogs at a rescue. By following your passion, you’re much more likely to meet someone who shares the same interests as you which is important.
Hmm... doing the math you are either 29 or 30 years old. Do you not work outside the home? Being around men? Also, at your age and above - you are incorrect to judge that men "only want one thing". Unless you are meeting them via Tinder etc. - well then it isn't the men you are meeting, it is the vehicle you are using to meet them. Online apps like that are akin to meeting men in a bar known for hook ups... so that attracts those men. If you want to meet a "normal" guy, then you need to meet one in a "normal" place. Exactly like BigBreastedTxGal states above - get out there. Volunteer for some non profit... take a job at a restaurant as a waitress at a place that a lot of people your age goes to.... something... get out in the world.
There’s slimy men sure, just don’t let them stop you. My wife thought I was slimy before we met. She said I was attractive but thought I was just another player like a lot of guys she met or saw on Facebook. Once we met she stuck to me like glue. Said I was hot and comforted her like nobody else. You’ll find a guy. Just put your neck out there.
