I just turned twenty-one years old on the fifth and I'm fully enjoying my new privileges as a "real" adult. I've got a lousy job, but with that exception my life is decently alright. I still live with my parents, which I hate fully, but at least I don't stay home all day and play Warcraft... I only do that on the weekends. However, with all of that said, I still have one major problem. I grew up a skinhead (the non-racist sort) and played in a few punk bands growing up, so I never really had a group of friends who cared about "emotions" and "sexuality". I ignored my odd fascination with the male gender and chose to get shitface drunk instead. Well, now I'm twenty-one and I've got a normal, proper haircut, I invest in stocks, I still drink like a fish, and everything else is ordinary and well organized. I don't even wear jeans anymore, which I'm slightly bothered by. With my birthday came a lot of sudden questions, though. I began to think about my age and the fact I hadn't had a girlfriend in at least two years. I'm a bit spiteful I haven't moved out of my parents house - it's embarrassing to say the least. However, the biggest and most glaring question was that of my sexuality. I've always been attracted to women, but I've also always had a strange fascination with men. At first, especially in Junior High, it was sexual only. The idea of being with a man for anything other than a blowjob was sickening. Then it evolved into a bit more of acceptance when I was around the age of eighteen. Now, however, the idea has begun to plague me. I am having dreams about being with guys. The thing is, it's not just sexual dreams. In fact, it's pretty much only dreams about being in a relationship with a guy... how boring. The idea has gone from disgusting to almost acceptable. The problem is, the closer I get to trying it out, the more disgusted I get. Everyone I've talked with has told me it's a weird phase, a way to better understand myself. Even a few gay friends I know think I'm just overreacting to some thoughts I've purposefully avoided thinking about. One of them said it's like thinking about having to go to the bathroom when you don't really have to. My problem with that theory is I'm practically standing over the bowl with my dick in my hand. I've tried to test myself by watching gay porn, but honestly, I rarely find any which I like. When it comes to straight porn, hell, anything works. So, here I am, twenty-one years old and confused as crap. I thought for sure I was suppose to have figured all of this stuff out by time I got out of High School. I know if I have a stigma against being bisexual or gay or whatever it's from the family I grew up in. My father was apparently bisexual as well, but he died when I as real young. Most of his family hated him and my mothers side, including my mom when she found out, pretty much told him to go to hell. Thanks for any advice and sorry for ranting for so long about nothing.
waw, that's big stuff. You straight guys are so curious! Just kidding. I'm 22 and gay. Pretty open guy, everybody knows, out of my family and at work (just in case, you never know...). I've had the same thoughts as a kid, junior high school, but i finally accepted that we i was 16, slept with a guy at 17. It was weird, since i hadn't done anything between this first time and about 2 years ago, i started going out a lot, hooking up with staight guys when they were drunk (bad thing, by the way). I took me a long time to dare try things. About 2 months ago, i went to a gay bar with a backroom, i didn't intend to go there, but i did, and tried plenty of things. I actually liked it. Still, i had that feeling of guilt for what i had done, not because of religion or something, just because it's not the way i want to end up. Being in a relationship could be cool, but for now, let's just have some fun. I don't care what's going through my mind, i grab whatever i can get (if i like what i ee, of course). All that, just to say, stop fucking with your mind. Your friends are right, don't be that worried. If it keeps puzzling you, just give it a try. A kiss is just a kiss, that doesn't mean anything, but that could bring you some answers. Do it step by step, don't go for a blow job if you feel confused ('cause a blow job is a blow job, you're meant to like it and it won't be a "fair" answer)...
It seems to me, worrying about it is only going to cloud your mind. Try to stay open to the idea, but until you figure it out, you won't figure it out. There's no need or reason to worry about it until then
