good story and well told. use of alliteration is controlled-nice one. good use of grammar. it's kind of hard to read though seeing as it's in one big block. however, very good writing piece.
I agree with lozi on this one... great word usage and all, but that one huge block is really intimidating! It's actually funny how it works that way, I love long poems and enjoy getting into them, but I think our brains need the breaks
