Discussion in 'Relationships' started by minkajane, May 13, 2007.
Instead of getting constructive advice, I am just getting insulted. So nevermind.
Put yourself in his girlfriend's position. If you and your boyfriend were having trouble, would it upset you if you found out that he was having cybersex with his ex?
What would I do if I were in your position? I wouldn't be having cybersex with him. To me it counts as cheating. Cool it and let them work their shit out, but don't proceed with the cybersex unless he's actually available.
I'm going to have to disagree on the cybersex = cheating thing. IMO, no touching means no cheating. I've had cybersex all the time when I was in a relationship. All parties involved knew what was going on and considered it to be innocent fun. I see it as a form of masturbation. Even when my ex-husband and I were having trouble, neither of us even thought twice about the other having cybersex any more than we'd think twice about the other fantasizing while masturbating.
I say whoever you are with decides what cheating is
ask whoever you are with, they will agree :tongue:
is cybersex really so great to you that you would rather have this guilt/confusion?
or is this guilt/confusion just part of it?
think about it.
haha my thaughts coincide with this dude Cowboi_blue
Well minkajane, you did ask "Should I feel bad about having cybersex with a guy with a girlfriend?...WWYD?" so that is my opinion of the situation.
Does his girlfriend know what's going on and does she consider it innocent fun?
If he's happy stop and leave it alone. If he's not he should end it with his girlfriend 100 percent before you do anything with him or else it's kinda whorish and skanky imo. I would never do a taken guy or even flirt with one because I am perfectly capable of finding single ones and do not need to be anyone's second place or consolation prize.
EXCUSE ME??? How the hell do you know what my divorce says about me? FYI, my husband treated me like total shit for a solid year then cheated on me (by fucking another girl, not by talking to her on the internet).
There's no reason to be insulting and rude. Ask a hundred people what constitutes cheating and you'll get a hundred different answers. Some people think cybersex is, some people don't. Some people think kissing is, some people don't. Don't be so arrogant as to think everyone that disagrees with your definition of cheating just wants everything without any of the consequences. If you have nothing of substance to add to the discussion, please refrain from entering into it.
who was that to??
you shouldn't be talking about something that could be considered cheating, and not expecting to get insulted, by the way
It can swing either way - if it was some random person you met in a room and will never talk to again, it probably falls more under pornography then cheating.
But if its some guy you've been secretely lusting after for months, and there is some kind of emotional connection, then yeah, it might be cheating.
It ain't so black and white, I suppose.
*Keep in mind I find cybersex a waste of time, but whatever.
no, you are not hearing what you want to hear.
Nearly everyone has been constructive thus far. But if you want to be thick headed...
it depends on what boundaries the couple has set. if his gf is ok with him cybering, then, whatever. if shes not, then it constitutes cheating, because it goes against their agreed upon boundaries of a relationship
Is cybersex cheating?
If either of you are in a relationship and lying to your partner about your online activities (including a lie of omission), then yes I think it is cheating.
If the partner/s are all informed and consent to is as "harmless fun" then knock yourself out.
The problem with cybersex is that it hurts a lot of innocent people (intentionally and unintentionally) because rarely are people completely honest about their activities. Heck, for some that is why they cyber; the thrill.
My basic "surfing etiquette" is simple "Would it upset me in any way if he (my husband) was doing this?" If the answer is yes, I stop or don't do it. If not, then it's time to have fun. I do this out of respect to him, and myself.
So, my helpful advice would be back off of your online "friend" because you don't need to get caught up in the middle of his bad marriage. I would seriously question his honesty.....the "unhappy marriage" excuse is overused!
Not marriage. Girlfriend. I'm the one in the bad marriage (and getting divorced).
basically I think if you feel that it has to be hidden then its probably cheating
but really for your situation I would say back off... I'm sorry you are getting a divorce and I don't think that its necessarily your fault.. but I have been through two divorces myself *shrug*... and even though I wasn't with the best guys I know that when I did things that I shouldn't have it really only hurt me... because even if you leave your husband and he eventually leaves his girl you will always have these memories of how you first met... maybe if it's meant then it will be... but going for quick gratification will only end up making problems in the long run.. imo
Sorry. Okay, so the "unhappy relationship" excuse is overused.
I've been down the divorce road. It was harder than hell at the time, but I wouldn't change it if I could. I had many online male friends that were more than happy to volunteer to be my next divorce..... So, I hope that you take some time to heal....best of luck to you!
if it walks like a duck , quacks like a duck and looks like a duck it's a fuckin duck. imo it's cheating.
Cybersex can be so scary...
lol... how can my statement be described better? hahaha!
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