I have started noticing this woman one day ( its a specific public place, better keep it unnamed). Every time I saw her she stared at me with that deep and heavy dead look. She has beautiful eyes, but staring made me feel confused and intrigued .She would never miss a chance to stare at me when she saw me. So I started staring back. It was going on for a couple of month. We would bump in to each other 3-4 times a week and just gave to each other that intense gaze. That woman would also stared at me from her car and a distance. At some point I decided that it was enough and introduced myself to her. It was very awkward and I was very nervous, the woman seemed to be nervous too. After my introduction we would just say Hi to each other and that's it. So I gave up on the idea to make a friendship. It felt just weird. Sometime later, the woman decided to make a move and gave me that sweetest smile when she was driving by ( I felt like in a high school) .Next day she waved at me, and its where our normal communication started. But there is always a physicals tension between us, conversations are still awkward. She doesn't talk much ,and its always me who asks her questions . Sometimes she blushes , sometimes she speechless, but she always stares deep into my eyes. My heart races every time I see her . I got her social media contacts, and she appreciated it ( told me she was thinking to ask me too, but don't know why she did not) .She never texts first, but replies instantly to my messages . I am a lesbian ( she knows it), but I have never showed any interest, I did not not make a move, I never touched her ( she did not either. ) When she stays close to me, she becomes speechless, she does not move herself away from me though. We do small talks when we see each other, she stops and makes an effort to spend some times with me. I tried to give her a hint about spending some time somewhere else .But she always says she is busy. She mentioned a bf, but I have never seen him and she never talks about men . There is no trace of a bf or any men on her social media.( probably setting boundaries). I also know she is a single mother. Its hard for me to call it a friendship as its a lot of tension between us and it doesn't look like a pure friendship.( 6 months long) She is always happy to see me, waving me from her car , sometimes has that flirty look. My question is: is she just seeking attention , trying to explore her sexuality and keeping me as a candidate for her exploration, trying to understand weather or not me as a lesbian would give her a chance for her experimenting ( but being shy in all these scenarios ) or just trying to make a friendship with me?
It is no wonder that you have lost faith in this forum, but since you have taken the trouble to write more than just a one liner and have already analysed the situation yourself, your post should not be ignored. But I guess this woman has already answered your question herself. I remember being a little boy at a summer camp where I hated everything. There were only two positive events in those long weeks, and one of them was a kiss on the cheek, given from the side by a younger boy, a pleasant apparition. The kiss came completely out of the blue. I had nothing to do with the boy, but he obviously noticed me, and after the kiss I never saw him again. So there was something enigmatic about this kiss right from the start. It was clear that the kiss was meant positively, as validation, as validation of my person, but in what respect? I have never forgotten this kiss, because it was an enigmatic light in the darkness. At school, a younger pupil would often stare in my direction from a distance without ever approaching and engaging me in conversation. I wondered what he wanted from me. But he had nothing that attracted me, so I made no effort to ask him. From my current perspective, it is clear that both wanted something they didn't dare to ask for. Perhaps the kisser of old still remembers how he plucked up the courage to kiss at the time, and how the lack of a negative reaction encouraged him to be bold with his next crush, rather than leaving it at a thought? In Peter Weir's Dead Poets Society (1989), the teacher encourages his pupils to confess their love to the beloved and overcome the fear of making a fool of themselves. Because doing nothing and hoping that the other person can read wishes rarely leads to success.
