"Couple" therapy and chest hair (????)

First of all, I'm just venting. I don't think there is a solution to my problem, but sometimes one needs to talk to get it off one's chest.

So, I'm seeing a therapist to solve the problems within my couple. I had asked my husband to do therapy and he asked why, since everything was OK. I told him everything wasn't OK, that I was even considering divorce. He was shocked, cried, begged me to take these ideas off my mind, apologized for the things he knows he doesn't do and I miss. But he didn't wanna go to therapy with me. He said they would just point fingers at him, but that he knows he could be better for me. It's just that it isn't his nature.

I insisted, asked him to come, to give it a try, just for the sake of it. He didn't want to. I dropped the subject, sorry I had made him so upset, but I did tell him I'd go myself, see if it'd help me.

So, I did go see a couple therapist. I explained the problems and he said I had to go with my husband. I asked him to accept seeing me for a while, because I really was very down and thought perhaps I could learn something and improve the marriage with a good one-sided effort.

The therapy went a bit like that: I'd tell him things that happened during the week, how I felt about it, how I thought my husband felt about it. I was being myself and my husband. "Couple" therapy.

Yesterday, "our" therapist told me he could only see me again if my husband would go, as well. So, I arrive home and ask my husband to go with me. He asks "what therapy"? I explained I've been going, like I had told him I would. He repeated he didn't wanna go. He asked if I was unhappy. I told him that right now, I'm happy, but the problems are still there, lurking, that it takes me a lot of energy not to fall in the well of depression. He told me that if I was happy, then everything was OK... OK...

About half an hour later, I asked him if he wanted to see pussy's new hair style. He asked what I was talking about. I reminded him that I had called him to ask his permission to do laser treatment to get rid of pubic hair. He had given me his OK.

He told me he had thought I had asked him about doing my chest! My heart kind of skipped a few beats. I asked him why he thought that. He told me I had said something about bikini line. I counted till three, then till four... WTF, I've counted till 20, in three different languages. It didn't really calm me down. I asked him why I'd epilate my chest?! I don't have chest hair!!!! He asked "no?", I said "no", he goes "not even a little?", I answer "no, I don't have chest hair, take a look." He looks and touches and says "yeah, no hair. It's nice and smooth."

I'm kind of... I don't really know what I'm feeling. My husband doesn't know I don't have chest hair! I'm a woman! I'm his wife. I sleep naked beside him everyday...

I let it go, because I didn't wanna upset him, tell him things I don't really think, just because I was upset myself.

But this morning it happened again. I'm going to a concert tonight and I had told him about it and when I talked to him I'd be very late, he didn't even know what I was talking about.

I avoid getting all upset with these things. But, sometimes, it hits me so hard! I'm used to live alone. I'm about 10 thousand kilometers from people who care about me: my parents. I wish I could count on him. But the truth is, if I'd disappear, he wouldn't know the color of my eyes to tell the cops, the way I dress, where I use to walk when going and coming from work. I tell him all of these things, but he's not listening.

Again, I'm just venting. I know I'm being unreasonable to get so down, because of a little thing like this.

 

I am thinking that he is the one who needs therapy and you just need to find someone who is interested in you and not just as bed a warmer someone who would listen when you talk.

 

No Offence Just_a_woman, But Me Thinks You Are "Just_an_idiot"...



Cheers Glen.

 

OK, you're entitled to your opinion. Thank you.

 

The whole idea of the therapy was to avoid divorce.

I don't know what to do. Look for another therapist who would accept to see me alone? I don't know. I only know he won't go on therapy.

 

Sometimes I do wonder if he suffers from some type of autism. He's very distracted with some things.

 

I can't think of anything that might help you then, maybe he needs to see a medical Doctor for sure. Good Luck.

 

With my husband, I have thought this too. It is hard for me to understand how someone could be SO unaware. It can't be right.

 

Since You Two Have Agreed To Seperate,

What Is Your Prob With Him...



Cheers Glen.

 

Nearly 30 years of it has made me weary. Separation is imminent, but hasn't happened yet.

 

You are always posting about how for husband doesn't satisfy you and how unhappy your life is! You have now giving him a warning that if things don't change you are going to leave. Sounds like that has made no difference to him. Why stay then? I just don't understand all these people that are so unhappy staying in the situation that is making them that way. You gave it a try it did not workout move on. A marriage is worth working on if both people are putting an effort in, there is love, compromise, respect and good honest communication. If you don't have that then don't waste your time. A fresh start can be a life changer in a good way.

 

I love him, that's why. And I know he loves me. What you say makes a lot of sense, but we're not machines. I can't stop loving him just because he isn't perfect. I love him in a way that, if he'd need my heart, I'd have my chest open and have it taken for him.

I do think I'll divorce, but not before I can do something to give him a chance to be happy, too. In an ideal world, I'd divorce after he'd find another woman who'd love him as much as I do, and who he could love, too.

 

All I can say is been there done that, got the shirt! Now I know better.

What I love is being with someone who puts just as much effort into me being happy as I do her. Got that now and would never settle for less again.

 

Coming from a guys standpoint... i thought women had chest hair too lol... not like a lot but i did think it was enough that they go to get it waxed.. thought it was just part of the bikini line package?
and i never would have found out any different until you just told me. because its nt something i ever planned on asking a girl about.

cut him some slack he obviously loves you. but he doesnt want therapy and it sounds like your whining cause your not gettin your way..

just think about how as bad as you want him to go... thats how bad he doesnt want to.. you cant be mad cause he has a different opinion

and your mentioning how your still wanting to find a therapist that will see only you?
thats called a therapist. not a couples therapist.. sounds like you just want someone to talk to besides your husband.

 

OK, Deech. Good to know other men know so little about female anatomy. Anyway, I never think he's the only distracted man in the planet. Do you think you'd still be clueless if you had been sleeping with a naked woman for the last 19 years and counting? One who doesn't have chest hair? One who's always willing and available to you?

You're right: like other people, I only complain about things I can't have. It's human nature. I do feel guilty when I upset him and I keep it to a minimum. After all, it is my problem, not his. But it'd also be wrong to let him think all is perfect, and only drop the bomb the day I'd leave. He wouldn't know why it was happening.

 

cant say that ive been with a woman for 19 years. but i promise thats a question i never would have brought up and unless she mentioned it like you said you hadnt i wouldbe unaware.
also understandable everyone likes to rant about things sometimes. not knocking on you at all for that also i think i may be subconsciously sexist and just takes the guys side on most things because i understand them to the t and dont women.

 

You'd need to wax first

 

Lol wouldn't I?

 

Last night I've told him I wanna divorce.

I've told him we're like house mates and I need more than that. I've tried to make him see he can find somebody better, who'd be happier with him, a woman without sex drive and sharing the same interests. Somebody house orientated, this kind of stuff. He followed my reasoning.

I also told him I'd buy myself a property and that he can keep everything we currently have, like the house we bought together with everything in it. I told him he should start looking for somebody else now, so that he won't be alone. I know he hates to know he's alone in the house. Even if he doesn't see me, he needs to know I'm available.

He was very upset, cried a lot, told me he does love me, not just as a friend. He told me he didn't wanna be alone. I told him I need more. I've told him I feel very lonely and that he was crying now, whereas I cry every week of loneliness. I told him he doesn't know me, he doesn't listen to me. I told him his forgetfulness and absent mindedness is only related to me. He admitted this and apologized.

I've told him he's a good man, but we're incompatible. I've told him I feel like a fixture in his life, a piece of furniture, and that I can live like this, but that I'd like to have more. I told him I can continue to give him sex for as long as he wants. We're friends and I'd have no problems doing a sexual favor for a friend.

He didn't tell me much. He was only repeating he loves me. I did tell him I love him, too, but that I'm very lonely and very frustrated. He said he'll change, that this long weekend he'd do something with me, that we'd have sex. I told him I want that, but that one weekend won't solve the problem. And I asked him to project himself doing things he doesn't like doing. Reflect on the possibility it'd be much more pleasant to live with a woman who wouldn't require those sacrifices from his part, namely, caring for me and giving me orgasms. Sacrifices he's now willing to make.

I'm traveling for almost 2 months from July and I can't buy a property before I'm back. The whole thing takes time in the European country where I live. He can use this time to get used to the idea. I'm happy we've had the conversation, but I'm not happy it's caused him so much pain. He's an intelligent man and I'm hoping he'll analyze the situation and realize he can find better than me, for himself.

Even after buying my new property, I'm willing to give him all the time he'd need to get used to the change.

 

Wow that's kinda sad. I'm glad you try to work it out there are so many people today just giving up when they get bored after a few years.
Hope things work out for both of you.

 

It an idea you'll have to get used to too. There's a hard truth in what you've had to face, and he doesn't have to understand it, but now you'll both will have to have a new reality. Very recently I've also announced to my husband that the marriage is over, things are much different. The mental shift is freeing just in itself, but a huge change. I've been with this man nearly 30 years, and we built a life that is coming to an end.