"Couple" therapy and chest hair (????)

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Just_a_woman, May 16, 2013.

  1. Just_a_woman

    Just_a_woman Member

    First of all, I'm just venting. I don't think there is a solution to my problem, but sometimes one needs to talk to get it off one's chest.

    So, I'm seeing a therapist to solve the problems within my couple. I had asked my husband to do therapy and he asked why, since everything was OK. I told him everything wasn't OK, that I was even considering divorce. He was shocked, cried, begged me to take these ideas off my mind, apologized for the things he knows he doesn't do and I miss. But he didn't wanna go to therapy with me. He said they would just point fingers at him, but that he knows he could be better for me. It's just that it isn't his nature.

    I insisted, asked him to come, to give it a try, just for the sake of it. He didn't want to. I dropped the subject, sorry I had made him so upset, but I did tell him I'd go myself, see if it'd help me.

    So, I did go see a couple therapist. I explained the problems and he said I had to go with my husband. I asked him to accept seeing me for a while, because I really was very down and thought perhaps I could learn something and improve the marriage with a good one-sided effort.

    The therapy went a bit like that: I'd tell him things that happened during the week, how I felt about it, how I thought my husband felt about it. I was being myself and my husband. "Couple" therapy.

    Yesterday, "our" therapist told me he could only see me again if my husband would go, as well. So, I arrive home and ask my husband to go with me. He asks "what therapy"? I explained I've been going, like I had told him I would. He repeated he didn't wanna go. He asked if I was unhappy. I told him that right now, I'm happy, but the problems are still there, lurking, that it takes me a lot of energy not to fall in the well of depression. He told me that if I was happy, then everything was OK... OK...

    About half an hour later, I asked him if he wanted to see pussy's new hair style. He asked what I was talking about. I reminded him that I had called him to ask his permission to do laser treatment to get rid of pubic hair. He had given me his OK.

    He told me he had thought I had asked him about doing my chest! My heart kind of skipped a few beats. I asked him why he thought that. He told me I had said something about bikini line. I counted till three, then till four... WTF, I've counted till 20, in three different languages. It didn't really calm me down. I asked him why I'd epilate my chest?! I don't have chest hair!!!! He asked "no?", I said "no", he goes "not even a little?", I answer "no, I don't have chest hair, take a look." He looks and touches and says "yeah, no hair. It's nice and smooth."

    I'm kind of... I don't really know what I'm feeling. My husband doesn't know I don't have chest hair! I'm a woman! I'm his wife. I sleep naked beside him everyday...

    I let it go, because I didn't wanna upset him, tell him things I don't really think, just because I was upset myself.

    But this morning it happened again. I'm going to a concert tonight and I had told him about it and when I talked to him I'd be very late, he didn't even know what I was talking about.

    I avoid getting all upset with these things. But, sometimes, it hits me so hard! I'm used to live alone. I'm about 10 thousand kilometers from people who care about me: my parents. I wish I could count on him. But the truth is, if I'd disappear, he wouldn't know the color of my eyes to tell the cops, the way I dress, where I use to walk when going and coming from work. I tell him all of these things, but he's not listening.

    Again, I'm just venting. I know I'm being unreasonable to get so down, because of a little thing like this.
  2. TAZER-69

    TAZER-69 Listen To Your Heart! Lifetime Supporter

    I am thinking that he is the one who needs therapy and you just need to find someone who is interested in you and not just as bed a warmer someone who would listen when you talk.

    GLENGLEN Lifetime Supporter

    No Offence Just_a_woman, But Me Thinks You Are "Just_an_idiot"...:)

    Cheers Glen.
  4. Just_a_woman

    Just_a_woman Member

    OK, you're entitled to your opinion. Thank you.
  5. Just_a_woman

    Just_a_woman Member

    The whole idea of the therapy was to avoid divorce.

    I don't know what to do. Look for another therapist who would accept to see me alone? I don't know. I only know he won't go on therapy.
  6. Willy Blue

    Willy Blue Senior Member

    Do you think that maybe your husband may have early onset dementia or Alziemers, seriously, chest hair on a female, does he believe you to be an Alpaca or something!! I checked your profile pic and you dont have chest hair thats for sure. I am totally confused, but hey, I am easily confused.
  7. Just_a_woman

    Just_a_woman Member

    Sometimes I do wonder if he suffers from some type of autism. He's very distracted with some things.
  8. TAZER-69

    TAZER-69 Listen To Your Heart! Lifetime Supporter

    I can't think of anything that might help you then, maybe he needs to see a medical Doctor for sure. Good Luck.
  9. Willy Blue

    Willy Blue Senior Member

    Seriously, I would try to convince him that maybe he needs to visit the doctors and get some advice. I cannot understand why he would get things so mixed up!! I would be concerned. Really hope he is just abscent minded but he should be a little more attentive. Anyway, good luck girl, hope it works out ok
  10. calgirl

    calgirl Senior Member

    With my husband, I have thought this too. It is hard for me to understand how someone could be SO unaware. It can't be right.

    GLENGLEN Lifetime Supporter

    Since You Two Have Agreed To Seperate,

    What Is Your Prob With Him...:confused:

    Cheers Glen.
  12. calgirl

    calgirl Senior Member

    Nearly 30 years of it has made me weary. Separation is imminent, but hasn't happened yet.
  13. enhancer13

    enhancer13 Senior Member

    You are always posting about how for husband doesn't satisfy you and how unhappy your life is! You have now giving him a warning that if things don't change you are going to leave. Sounds like that has made no difference to him. Why stay then? I just don't understand all these people that are so unhappy staying in the situation that is making them that way. You gave it a try it did not workout move on. A marriage is worth working on if both people are putting an effort in, there is love, compromise, respect and good honest communication. If you don't have that then don't waste your time. A fresh start can be a life changer in a good way.
  14. Just_a_woman

    Just_a_woman Member

    I love him, that's why. And I know he loves me. What you say makes a lot of sense, but we're not machines. I can't stop loving him just because he isn't perfect. I love him in a way that, if he'd need my heart, I'd have my chest open and have it taken for him.

    I do think I'll divorce, but not before I can do something to give him a chance to be happy, too. In an ideal world, I'd divorce after he'd find another woman who'd love him as much as I do, and who he could love, too.
  15. enhancer13

    enhancer13 Senior Member

    All I can say is been there done that, got the shirt! Now I know better.

    What I love is being with someone who puts just as much effort into me being happy as I do her. Got that now and would never settle for less again.
  16. Deech

    Deech Member

    Coming from a guys standpoint... i thought women had chest hair too lol... not like a lot but i did think it was enough that they go to get it waxed.. thought it was just part of the bikini line package?
    and i never would have found out any different until you just told me. because its nt something i ever planned on asking a girl about.

    cut him some slack he obviously loves you. but he doesnt want therapy and it sounds like your whining cause your not gettin your way..

    just think about how as bad as you want him to go... thats how bad he doesnt want to.. you cant be mad cause he has a different opinion

    and your mentioning how your still wanting to find a therapist that will see only you?
    thats called a therapist. not a couples therapist.. sounds like you just want someone to talk to besides your husband.
  17. Just_a_woman

    Just_a_woman Member

    OK, Deech. Good to know other men know so little about female anatomy. Anyway, I never think he's the only distracted man in the planet. Do you think you'd still be clueless if you had been sleeping with a naked woman for the last 19 years and counting? One who doesn't have chest hair? One who's always willing and available to you?

    You're right: like other people, I only complain about things I can't have. It's human nature. I do feel guilty when I upset him and I keep it to a minimum. After all, it is my problem, not his. But it'd also be wrong to let him think all is perfect, and only drop the bomb the day I'd leave. He wouldn't know why it was happening.
  18. Willy Blue

    Willy Blue Senior Member

  19. Deech

    Deech Member

    cant say that ive been with a woman for 19 years. but i promise thats a question i never would have brought up and unless she mentioned it like you said you hadnt i wouldbe unaware.
    also understandable everyone likes to rant about things sometimes. not knocking on you at all for that also i think i may be subconsciously sexist and just takes the guys side on most things because i understand them to the t and dont women.
  20. You'd need to wax first

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