Could you be in a plural relationship or marriage?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by bluesafire, Feb 18, 2009.

  1. bluesafire

    bluesafire Senior Member

    Some call this polyfidelity...

    Here's a recent article about it. CLICK

    Let's discuss.
  2. Me personally, no.

    My best friend married for 10 years decided that she wanted a woman in their relationship. Her husband agreed and they started "dating". They found a girl, moved her and her 2 kids in with them and their 3 kids. Everything was good for about a year and then her husband chose the girlfriend over her. Talk about heartbreak, she had to move out of her house into a shitty apartment and start paying child support.

    The ultimate backfire.
  3. kinulpture

    kinulpture Member

    i`m wondering how long something like this would last? would a relationship of this fashion become long-term. & i don`t mean just mmf, but would mff last very long too?
  4. kinulpture

    kinulpture Member

    ya see, all this talk about "free love", really doesn`t work well in the long run. maybe in isolated instances.
  5. Stealth0121

    Stealth0121 Member

    My wife and I grew very attached to her best friend, who is the most beautiful and fun loving young woman I've ever met. One night we had a lot of wine and the three of us ended up making love. For the next four months we spent several evenings a week together (except when the girls were not able). It was wonderful. I felt like I was falling in love again (though I still love my wife). My wife adored her too. I fell in love with her and to some degree my wife did too. But things changed when our friend met a single guy she worked with. They hit it off and she really liked him. The stress of trying to manage our trio and her affections for this young man was beginning to wear on her so my wife and I broke off the intimacy of our friendship. She is currently dating this young man and my wife and I are still very good friends with her, we just don't make love together anymore. When my wife and I broke up with her I was shattered and heartbroken. My wife has held me and listened to me pour out my broken heart over this situation. I think this upset my wife more than the sexual and emotional relationship we shared. Partly because there's nothing my wife can do to relieve the pain and partly because my wife has heard how intimately I felt for her friend. But I assure you, I'd weep far more if I lost my wife. I still get dreamy feelings and teary eyes when I hear songs that me and her friend shared (my wife hates country but me and her friend really enjoy it). Sometimes I drive around town listening to the radio just to feel like I'm with her again. I miss her so much, more than words can explain. It's a really painful situation for me. I'd never leave my wife for her...but I feel like I can't get past her. I still love this young lady. I'd tear down the walls of time and shatter the gears of fate to have them both in my arms again if I could. But there's nothing I can do. I have the hope that if things don't work out with her and this young man she'll return to us and to the way things were. But the odds are against that.

    It's my opinion that this sort of thing can't work for most people, especially in our culture. I'd say don't allow yourself to get into one of these relationships. It hurts when it fails. And if your marriage survives something like this, as mine did, you're one of the lucky ones.
  6. bluesafire

    bluesafire Senior Member

    It doesn't sound like he was really of the polyamory mentality, because polyamory has to do with MORE than one, not to relace one with another. I guess it was a lesson learned for that woman, to be sure that when embarking on something like this that everyone be on the same page.
  7. sarahrei

    sarahrei ~Lover~

    No I wouldn't. I need to be the only one.
  8. KozmicBlue

    KozmicBlue Senior Member

    I couldn't, I don't share and I don't want to be shared.
  9. salatheel

    salatheel Member

    Yes definitely! MY wife and I had best friends that would sleep over all the time. we all grew very attatched and would make love in front of each other. We never fully swapped spouses but I don't think we ever felt so complete as then. We have had threesomes and a foursome and we are not the jealous type. So I could definitely see this working for us.
  10. bluesafire

    bluesafire Senior Member

  11. DNCämþër

    DNCämþër Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter fact I have been there. In my case it didn't work so well for some now obvious (to me) reasons, but I would do it again.
  12. bluesafire

    bluesafire Senior Member

    me too, on both counts.
  13. mariecstasy

    mariecstasy Enchanted

    me is thinking from all your posts lately...that you are wanting a play thing missy!
  14. bluesafire

    bluesafire Senior Member

    lol, no I'm not just looking for a hookup. :) I'm not really looking for anyone... but remain open in the event that someone crosses my path. :D

    I'm not into the casual sex thing, despite my playful behavior on da web. haha!
  15. mariecstasy

    mariecstasy Enchanted

    I didn't really take you for that kind;)

    To answer the question: I cannot answer anything with truth unless I have tried it. I can see how and why this sort of relationship would appeal to some. It would take a very strong relationship between the two partners who would invite others in. They would need to feel confident and strong in their ownselves and in their relationship.

    I have thought of it before. I thought it sounded intriguing and exotic. However, I am not sure that I am big enough a person to live with the comparisons that would inevidably plague me. Plus, I have heard and read so many bad outcomes, that it just doesn't seem worth the risk. I can love unconditionally without having sex with someone. Then again, I might just be an insecure whiny bitch.
  16. DNCämþër

    DNCämþër Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    Random hook-ups have never really been my thing either, but when you talk about crossing paths and getting to know someone for more than just what they look like... that's the real turn on for me anyway.
  17. bluesafire

    bluesafire Senior Member

    I'll tell you one thing... all the fears and insecurities and gunk comes up to the surface! We've only been in one fulltime live-in situation and it was difficult and didn't last too long. Learned alot though. On the other hand there have been others who weren't live-ins and that was easier, in fact they turned out to be some of my best friends. I've been able to experience compersion and have expanded my ability to love and give. We do have a very solid and secure relationship, but it would take a unique person to match us on a fulltime basis. I'm not holding my breath... but not closed to the possibility of something like this happening again, which I would welcome if it was "right".
  18. bluesafire

    bluesafire Senior Member

  19. Bella Désordre

    Bella Désordre Charmed

    No, I don't want my husband to be okay sharing me with anyone and I would kick some ass if he was with anyone else.
  20. mamaKCita

    mamaKCita fucking stupid.

    :cheers2: dave and i had a similar situation.

    i wouldn't be okay with another full-timer around, nor would dave. but some fun here and there with close friends is freeing. you just don't have to worry about the jealousy and such. even being free to pursue other women, he still prefers coming home, and likewise.

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