Could I be transgender?

I have been searching the web for somewhere to ask this so I hope this is a correct place for it.

I'm a 16 year old Male. I have been crossdressing for probably 3-4 years now. I've recently been questioning my gender identity. I have notified my mother and she is allowing me to start gender counseling once I'm 18. The only thing is I can't really justify why I feel I should be a female. Whenever I think about it I always end up coming off as if I'm just doing it because I'm a pervert to myself. A little more backstory is probably in order. When I first started crossdressing I was doing because I was curious then it became arousing, this however was before I had hit puberty or anything of course. Now I do get sexually aroused usually when I crossdress but I'm usually aroused beforehand or am planning on getting aroused. So that of course is a little perverted I know. Now I personally don't feel depressed or like I was put in the wrong body or anything either. I feel like if I were to go through transition I would be the same person I am today but as a female. Oddly enough I feel I would be happier that way. I just feel really confused because I'm not exactly going through a lot of these things I have been reading on other forums. I am indeed content as a man but I feel I would be even more so as a woman. I don't know what kind of responses I'm expecting to get to this, truthfully I feel like this was more of a method to organize my thoughts even though it came out kind of messy. I guess one thing I am wondering is do you have to justify yourself to become who you want to be or is just feeling that it would be better that way justified enough. To put me more out of the stereotypical female I am attracted to females and if I were to transition I would still be attracted to them. Another thing I guess that is worth mentioning is that were I to go through with transition I feel I would be unwilling to get the SRS. I personally don't care for altering my body surgically. Currently I am living pretty happily, I shave my whole body quite often and I have grown my hair out. But yet I'm still so confused. Whenever I crossdress I hate looking at myself because I feel ugly, less female and more like a joke. Everytime I do it I literally feel like a man in a dress. I do still have two years to think things over. Once again I had a lot to say and I'm sorry it's kind of messy, I really just wanted to get everything out and I believe I have for the most part. If you did read the whole thing I appreciate it. Any feedback would be nice.

Not sure if it's relevant but on a side not I have taken two online gender identity tests and both have given me the result of Androgynous. I believe this is pretty accurate.

Please do ask any questions you may have for me and I will be more than happy to answer.

 

Do you WANT to be a man? Because you can be. True, the more you do some of the things you're describing the more difficult it will be. Your present actions are cementing your thoughts, your feelings, who you are today, and who you will be for the rest of your life.

Is this what you want?

My wife and I never had kids, and for a while we decided (for us, after about four years, we stopped having sex every day or two,) and we were looking for something else that would be fun; We decided to match-make among our friends. Over the course of several years their were two marriages and now a total of eight kids.

Then, with my wife's permission, I started counseling homosexuals. Since I'm a guy and I just don't like gay's I focused on lesbians. I was overwhelmed with young women (most were in their early 20s,) who were unhappy being lesbians.

Most were atheists and generally not connected to God; ie., no personal attachment. Most (this is sad!,) thought God wanted them to be the way they were.

Let me give you this advice, find some older gays; Gay's now in their 50's and 60's. Don't let them seduce you (because they'll try!,) just find out one thing: Are they happy?

Have they enjoyed life? Ask them. Question them politely but find out what you can.

Now, if you've got the guts, ask some straights. See what they say.

 

hipland your post somewhat confuses me. I feel that I would want to be a female. But I don't know if I want to for the correct reasons. I know counseling will definitely help me and I'm not worried about my sexual orientation at all. I know for positive that I like females. But I don't want to go into counseling and make a fool of myself if I'm trying to do this for all the wrong reasons.

 

Crossdressing is a long way from wanting to change genders. I am in my 50's and like to wear panties and sometimes other lingerie, being bisexual, that is not so bad. I would never want to change genders, and have never even thought about it. Relax...go with the flow...don't press yourself to become any one thing, or "label". Just be. It sounds like your mother is a very supporting lady, and she makes good sense on the waiting til you're 18. Give it time...

 

Thanks bibearman. My mother is indeed very supporting, she has told me she is with me 100% whichever path I choose. I myself am thinking a lot about it and will probably continue to do so over the next few years. I have wanted to be the female multiple times through my life but I always wonder if it is due to whatever situation I'm in or in some way linked to being sexually aroused. I guess things will become clearer as I mature some more, thank you though once again for a thoughtful and helpful post.

 

If you find yourself uncertain upon becoming a legal adult, then of course this means you are still conflicted and I'm not sure exactly what kind of advice I can give, it is very confusing to say the least. From my experience, I am a 27 year old guy, and while I have cross-dressed proper many times, starting at 12 years old, it was always a very sexual thing and I was not sure if I was gay, bisexual, or disturbed lol. I have two children and have been in relationships with both genders, and while my gender identity has never been called into question (nor has their been any genuine desire to be a female), my acceptance of just being somewhere in between genders, ambigender, finally came about and I am very happy with how my situation has turned out. I don't cross-dress anymore (not saying I never will again) but my daily, normal manner of dress is very much androgynous; I have very feminine features and I always am wearing some kind of girls clothing or hair clips, pins etc but even when I wear short shorts for example, they are made for boys, my shirts are most often from the men's section, my shoes etc. I was very confused and ashamed of myself for most of my life so far, until relatively recently I was turned around and discovered that there is no reason why I should not dress the way I feel most comfortable and embrace my body and personality as, for lack of a better word, a "girly" boy. I don't care anymore what others in public think and I am very often insulted or threatened in public; I am a very strong father presence to my children and a very big part of their lives. Somehow I've gotten it down so perfectly that even when I drop my daughter off at school and pick her up everyday, when I go to work, when I visit family etc I don't get any strange looks; I suppose it's because I've always been androgynous regardless of how I dress and so people just think I'm slightly eccentric and artistic, and do not suspect that I swing both ways

Anyway, I am only giving you a brief glimpse at my self because I believe I understand where you are coming from to an extent; actual cross dressing for me is only a sexual thing, I've only ever done that to play pretend games with my partner (both genders, again) and I do not like to look like that otherwise, because I don't intentionally force effeminate mannerisms or affected talk, nor do I have stereotypical female interests or an intense feeling of distance from fulfilling the societal role that is expected of me as a male (in a general, universal, archaic sense, not cultural, which is entirely different). Again, I've never experienced a desire to switch genders, so I'm not sure how to go about suggesting any ideas to help you figure out where you want to be, but I would assume that if you are having these feelings then perhaps they truly are genuine and will continue to haunt you until you can overcome whatever this obstacle is, as surely it goes much deeper than simply acknowledging that perhaps it is only superficial at the sexual level. Our identity as human beings is constantly adapting and being altered, and our gender identity, especially for those of us who do not fit into a neat little box where everything is explained away for us from the start, is no different. I hope that what I've shared here can be of any help whatsoever and I wish you the best, and pay no attention to this person hipland who clearly has selfish and destructive intentions in mind; his words about gays and God are especially ugly, and what he is implying is a fucking joke, it doesn't matter whether you are gay, straight, or in between, PEOPLE are generally happy and this has much more to do with the focus of concern and the unfortunate state of our existentially tormented global society where guilt and self loathing reign supreme.

 

Cross dressers come under the transgender umbrella, so anyone who is a cross dresser is automatically transgender. I think the question you're meaning to ask, is could you be transsexual? Just going by what you've said, I personally think it's unlikely you are transsexual. Transgender though, definitely, yes.

 

I have known a few trans gendered people in my life. I have found that they for the most part seem miserable.

I encourage you to accept the body you are in and not look for ways that make you feel trapped. Don't bring undue misery to yourself.

 

The OP may not be transsexual, but certainly, the "advice" you are giving has been proven countless times over many years to be completely ineffective, and also heaps even more misery onto transsexual individuals. People like you do far more to hurt, rather than to help, genuine transsexual people. There are countless examples of people who feel they are the opposite sex doing everything they can to fight those feelings, but all they end up doing, is making themselves even more miserable and desperate than they were to start with. Many people have tried to run away from, and deny, that aspect of themselves. But it's always a futile excercise. It always comes back to bite them even harder later on their lives. Transsexuals don't bring misery onto themselves. That is simply a byproduct of having that affliction.

It also needs to be stated that as well as the misery that comes directly from feeling an incongrousness between your gender identity and physical sex, a lot of the reason for trans people's misery, is the stigmatization they suffer. The bigoted attitudes from many in general society certainly contributes to the suffering that trans people go through. But giving in to bullies can never be the right answer to anything.

 

Ty for your response Invisible Soul. I had thought I was just a somewhat odd guy as well but once I started thinking about the whole gender thing I figured I should try gender counseling eventually due to the fact that I was even considering it. I will wait and see what time brings, if it follows me like a thorn in my side for the next few years than I'm gonna assume it is probably an option I'd like to look into. Otherwise once again I appreciate your response and it's nice to hear things worked out for you as well. Best wishes.

 

clothing is clothing.. its has no gender unless you make it so.. really.

 

You're welcome.

Counselling would certainly be a good idea if your transgender feelings persist. Although technically cross dressing (and the sexual arousal that some men derive from that) does come under the transgender umbrella, it's most definitely not an automatic sign of clinical gender dysphoria. Lots of men cross dress, but do not feel they are actually women. And in fact, some transsexual women wear more androgyness clothing.

I never said anything about myself, so why are you saying it's nice to hear things worked out for me?

 

I am not saying they should fight their feelings but accept how they feel.

If they feel like dressing up in opposite clothing I think they should do it. If I wanted to dress as a man I would so.
I tend to dress sloppy and a lot of people really hate that and give me a hard time about it. I like my clothing loose and I don't like the attention I get when I wear clothes that most people feel is acceptable for a woman my size and shape. I have big boobs and I do try to draw attention away from them in public.

A lot of people think I am homeless because of my dress but I do not care what they think about it because I accept myself and feel I am allowed to hide my body from public scrutiny if I want to.

Changing your gender can put you under the public's microscope if you feel you can handle it and want to change in this way than do it. I personally feel that your right to express yourself is none of my business.

But I have known several TG people and most of the ones I know are miserable and they usually relocate and start new lives in places away from their home cities when they do decide to undergo gender reassignment surgery. Families are not always supportive of these decisions and it can be a very painful thing not everyone's mom is like Cher.

 

No, you said "I encourage you to accept the body you are in". The problem is, if you identify completely as being the opposite sex of the body you are in, then accepting your body as being "yours", is something that simply isn't possible. Lots of women who are not trans, have issues regarding how they look and their appearance. Those issues are magnified many times for those who are female identified, but have secondary male physical characteristics. If you identify completely as female, then accepting you have a male body, isn't really possible.

But cross dressing, as I said earlier, is not an automatic symptom of gender dysphoria, or of transsexualism. Most male cross dressers do not identify as being women. It also true that many female transsexuals prefer to wear more androgynous clothing. The problem being though, that the gatekeepers of medical treatments for gender dysphoria usually expect patients to dress in a very feminine way to "prove" they are really women. Which is not only unfair on the trans-women who don't wish to dress like that, it's also extremely sexist towards non-trans women. Not all women have the same dress sense, so why do people expect that all trans-women would have the same dress sense?

Like I said, pandering to bullies should never be an option. Society can be vicious when it comes to it's treatment of trans-people, but I see that as a fault of society, not a fault in trans-people. It is true that many people with gender dysphoria do not disclose that publically for fear of negative reactions from that public. The people who have the courage to stand up to that negativity should be praised, not derided.

But living a lie if you have severe gender dysphoria will make you no less miserable. In fact, you'd be rather more miserable, as you'd have to keep everything that's making you miserable bottled up inside. As I said, there are countless examples of TG people who have fought against their true feelings, and tried to live life as a gender they don't identify as being, just to please other people, or in the misguided assumption that it's the "easier option". But the whole point is, that isn't an easier option, at least not in the long term. Suffering in silence does not mean you aren't still suffering. Not seeing someone's misery doesn't mean that it is not there. Families who are not supportive, are the ones in the wrong in that situation, not the trans people themselves. If people can't love you for who you are, then they don't love you at all, and you're better off without them in your life anyway.

If you identified completely as the opposite sex of the one you were born into, you'd be miserable as well. Being miserable in that situation is pretty much unavoidable. But the point is, that misery will be there, whether you decide to be open about that and do something about it, or hide it and pretend you're someone you're not to try and avoid a negative backlash from society and/or family. What you are trying to suggest is, it is possible for those trans people to avoid that misery by "accepting" their bodies. And what I am saying is, it is impossible for such people to avoid that misery, as accepting their bodies is not an option. Whether they are open about that, or keep it hidden doesn't change that fact.

 

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Of course it is you are right as rain. It is up to the TG person to decide how to deal with it though.
Many people risk everything for what they believe is true. TG people may have to as well especially if they are in a non supportive environment.

I still think there is something to learn about TG. Especially for the people facing it. I know it is difficult at best to be one of these people.

People laugh and scoff at me all my life but, all I would have to do is dress and behave in ways they would approve of. But, then I would not be me. I accept myself as I am. I think even if I felt like the opposite sex in my body which by the way, I have felt at times more masculine than feminine but, I am certain I am not gay or even abnormal I would not want to surgically change myself or have to take hormones to keep me from changing back to my original sex. I want to play the hand I am dealt even when the lines get fuzzy. Most of my friends are men I have a few female friends but it is harder for me to trust women which is one of the reasons I personally could never become sexually involved with a woman.

I used to know a woman who is bi sexual and they met this person who was a "she male". They had sex with them and said they really enjoyed it so much. The she male was going to have their penis removed but decided not to due to coming to an acceptance of them self in the body they were born with.

 

I'm really not sure who said it but somebody implied that transgendered persons and/or transsexuals are miserable. I resent that generality. We are not miserable and we don't have to move away to save our sanity. One thing that we do have is support............................. from support groups, both online and live and in person.

Oh, and another thing, families can be supportive. Even after transitioning I still have my wife. Our marriage is stronger than it ever has been because we don't have secrets and we believe in each other.

And I just have one attitude towards young people that are wondering. Gender counseling is the best bet. But at the same time being around positive people is where a questioning person needs to put him/herself. Find either an online support group or a live support group and talk to people who have been there as well as people who have been directly involved with someone else's transition. Stay close to people that believe in you.

As with any other subject, great advice doesn't come from persons who are not involved in whatever subject that might be.

 

Well, this is one of the main things that puzzles me when people try to suggest that transsexual people "choose" to be the way they are. Most TS people are fully (or at least partially) aware of the pontential negativity they will face upon being open about who they are. They are aware that they could potentially lose everything by being open about their true selves. If it were that simple for these people to just get rid of their feelings of identifying with the opposite sex, why would they not just do that, instead of risking the stigmatization and ostracision that they could face from society by being honest about who they feel they are?


I have heard many TS people stating that the only choice they had, was to either transition, or die. The suicide contemplation rate amongst trans people is 41%, compared with 1.6% of the general population. Why would anyone deliberately choose to open themselves up to all these negative things, if they could simply choose not to do so? That doesn't make any logical sense.

You'd have to be insane to choose the difficulties and hardships that many trans people have to endure as a result of being honest with themselves publically, and then often during transition. The trans people themselves have nothing to learn about the issues, non-trans people however, have plenty to learn about them.

This is a very common miconception. Many trans-women are more masculine than feminine, or at least androgynous. And there are many feminine trans-men. So being stereotypically masculine or feminine does not really impact on one's feelings of their own gender. And this is true for trans people just as much as it is for people who are not trans. You can get feminine and masculine trans-women just as well as you can get feminine and masculine women who aren't trans. Why don't effeminate gay men identify as being female?


You don't want to do those things (take hormones, and want to surgically change yourself) because you do not have severe gender dysphoria. You are not in the same boat as those people, so you can't really use yourself being able to "accept myself", and "wanting to play the hands I've been dealt", as an example of how people with severe gender dysphoria should also be able to do those same things. You can do those things because you do not have gender dysphoria, so what you've described yourself as being able to do is non-applicable to those people.

The trans umbrella is very wide, and not everyone under it is suffering from the same thing. And some are not really suffering at all. Female transsexuals generally take major offense to the term "she-male" being used for them, so if the person you are talking about reffered to themselves as that (or had no problem with other people reffering to them as that), I would argue that they very probably weren't transsexual at all. It is also true that many transsexual women will choose not to engage in any sexual activity whilst they have a penis as the idea of doing so disgusts them. And even many of the ones who have done so, have stated that it was not an enjoyable experience.


I would argue that the "she-male" in question wasn't transsexual, if they could accept the body they were born with.


@springfling: Whilst I would disagree with the notion that trans people are by definition, miserable, I would say that anyone with a severe, and clinical dysphoria between their brain and physical sex of their body do experience deep discomfort and and depression as a result of that. Of course, many who transition are able to combat that, and can end up in a place where they are content. It is also true that patient satisfaction with SRS despite all it's potential complications, and pain involved in the procedure, is very high. SRS is proven to allieviate many of the symptoms of severe gender dysphoria. For most TS individuals, transition and surgery has had a positive impact on their lives. When it's likely they would have killed themselves had they not transitioned.

I don't think it is possible to identify all your life as being the opposite sex to the one you were assigned at birth, and not suffer some misery due to that. That doesn't have to mean that being in that position will mean you are miserable forever. And as I stated earlier, at least part of the reason for some trans people's misery, is due to negative reactions from family and/or society.

Of course some families of trans people can be supportive. But it is certainly true that many trans people suffer partial, or even complete, ostracision from their families. This will obviously have a further negative impact on a trans person's mental well-being, and happiness.

I agree wholeheartedly with the rest of your post.

 

The trans people themselves have nothing to learn about the issues, non-trans people however, have plenty to learn about them.

I think out of difficulty rises opportunity. I know that it is painful to discover TG feelings within ones self. One will have to consider if they want children because if they do have surgery they will not be able to have a child in the most common way. How important is it?

Why do TG people come to the conclusion that they are not perfect as they are? In respect to the spirit what might the Karmic implications be of not being able to accept the body and self as it is?