At times in my life I’m a VERY bisexual type of guy. I’m not gay. I have no desire at all to be romantic with a guy and at times pure heterosexual sex is all I would consider. I’m married to a wonderful woman whom I love...we have 2 children. My wife and I have no sex life (once in over 2 years) and I don’t believe it will ever change. I’m not leaving her or breaking up my family. But...I also get off watching/fantasizing 2 guys have sex. Some days it really bothers me when I’m around my family knowing what I like and want to do with a guy. I want to meet a fwb guy that could satisfy my urges and be safe. On one hand I feel guilty because that’s not what good husbands do but on the other I tell myself it’s something I want and if she doesn’t want sex why should I deprive myself? I see a lot of married guys fool around with guys but they either don’t worry about the other part or don’t show it. I wonder what people’s thoughts are. I’m not looking for encouragement to cheat or not. I’m not telling her so there’s no need to suggest that either lol.
I indulged myself having been in a similar situation in my first marriage. Not proud of it but I had urges that needed attended to.
Traveler386. My wife recently asked for a divorce. I have been fantasizing about being a bottom to someone. For about the last two to years I have been talking to guys on Craigslist or Grinder about hooking up but never did because of my marriage. Last weekend while my wife was at her girlfriends house. I had a chance with someone from doublelist. Even with the looming divorce I couldn’t do it I chickened out. Maybe because I thought there was a chance to save my marriage. The wife made it clear today there’s no shot in hell that is going to happen. I just not ready to go there yet!!!
Depriving a man of sex is cruel and unusual punishment, and will never be a requirement for any long-term relationship I choose to pursue.
Sometimes, its a logical choice. I never had any kind of gay or bi desires. Eating my own cum or a little anal play was as close to doing anything gay or bi. My wife was Finished with sex, when she had put in for SS. I, on the other hand was as horny as ever. My wife told me that I should just let our gay friend give me a bj. What started as a joke and tease, became something to consider. I don't find anything desireable about men at all, but they had planted the seed in my mind.She said it many times and I finally took up the offer. Until he moved , he was a good friend to have around. I lost my inhibitions and it all started with mutual blowjobs Then, my wife got involved. Since it was her idea in the first place, she wanted to watch. Our friend had no objection, he said he would gladly do it . My wife thought it was so hot watching us, it became a regular thing. All senior citizens, with no regrets.
Being in the same situation but farther down the road than you. The guilt is the same for me, but having sex with my wife maybe twice a year isn’t adequate either. There is no easy answer here and it probably isn’t the same for everyone. The best I have been able to come up with is to find a regular guy in the same boat as I am and be exclusive with him so I’m not risking disease.
What exactly is your question? If your wife is not having sex with you then you have every right to have sex with other people. It doesn't matter if it is with a man or a woman. If she truly loves you she will let you do so. Take the opportunity to let her know you also want to experiment. What difference does it make to her? Afraid you are not going to have sex with her because you might enjoy men more? Hmmmm. I love my wife but at this stage in my life I am really only interested in having sex with men. I do still satisfy my wife (anally only), but have been telling her for years to find a lover. She knows that some day I will find a gay lover and I will be having sex exclusively with him.
Long time divorced with children. I never felt like I was cheating having bi-sex. We were having sex for the sole purpose of shooting our cum load. We were not dating, in love or looking to marry each other. And bi-sex sure the hell beats masturbating all the time.
My wife lost interest in sex/me a few years ago. She knows I had a suck buddy eons before I met her. Initially it shocked her, but then it started turning her on. We watched bi/gay porn and she really got off on it. While having MFMs she suggested finding a bi guy. COOL! Then she mentioned her gay hairdresser thought I was hot and he wanted to do my hair and "gay me up"! Would I? Heck yeah! Now NADA......no sex with her. And she has the gall to get pissed off when I masturbate. A lose lose situation for me.
Give her time, she may come around. My wife previously got upset when I told her I had a crush on a female coworker. She was not upset at me finding another woman hot and wanting to fuck her, she was upset that I was into her on an emotional level. She eventually stopped being bothered by it and got to the point where she fantasized about me fucking my coworker. I had told her a couple years earlier I liked cock (6 months after she told me she had lesbian fantasies) and she was completely cool with it. The one thing that helped us through these is love. If your love is really strong she should come around. Love means accepting your partner for who they are. Keep us updated!
There's definitely times when it's not easy being bi. I'm sure there's lots of bisexual guys who wished they were either just straight or gay, but they're not.
If there are curious guys out there reading this thread and wondering if being a bisexual man is even practical, consider my experience. I have been bi for the past 52 years, and I have no regrets. This is how I have been able to sustain my pan-sexuality and gender fluidity: 1) Contrary to the thinking of many in the LGBT community, I do not feel obliged to be "out" to everyone. People may notice that I'm different, but my sexuality and gender orientation are my business, not theirs. 2) I only engage in safe sex practices. In 52 years I only contracted a STD (the clap) once, and this was due to a girlfriend being unsafe, not me. With safe sex practices, i have had a very active and diverse sex life. 3) I also am selective and safe in choosing lovers. I always meet with someone in a public venue first before meeting at my place or theirs. I want to make sure they are considerate, clean, and compatible with my need for safety. 4) Once I take care of the safety measures, I pay very close attention to my lover's needs. When they get off, I'm able to get off.
“I'm sure there's lots of bisexual guys who wished they were either just straight or gay, but they're not.” I strongly disagree. In this case men serve only to satisfy sexual needs comfortably and inconspicuously, without a woman being involved who would insist on an interest in her personality. I don't call this bisexual but "straight plus", which is the scientific term for this group. “I’m married to a wonderful woman whom I love” Strange that you write this but don't dare to talk to her about your sexual needs, which play a major role in male life. Those who are very close will find a mutually satisfactory solution.
This is why I've said that the worst thing ever is to be bi and married. I've encountered so many men who have said that if they weren't married, they'd suck my dick or wanted to engage in some other form of sex - but the thought of cheating on their woman took priority and, really, understandably so even when she decided to stop having sex with them. Now a guy has some choices. Cheat on her; don't cheat on her and suffer with being made celibate. Why choose to have sex with a guy instead of some new chick? Because the taboo against it can make it pretty damned attractive and I personally do not know a guy who has never wondered what it would be like to suck dick with a guy... or to be fucked. Guys tend to be "no-nonsense" about it; sure, we can blow each other - who's gonna buy the beer? As opposed to the bargaining one must to do have sex with a woman - and that includes the one you're married to. It almost makes sleeping with men a no-brainer because, as I've learned, us guys like our sex to not be all that complicated. I'd never tell a guy that he should cheat on his woman, but I acknowledge that many a man has done just that... because needs always must.
Additional thoughts. Coping with this can be daunting if/when you can't do anything about it - and that includes being able to talk to someone about it. Many find that the feelings don't go anywhere and that it might take a lot of concentration to ignore the feelings, which makes coming to a place like this a good thing to do because, if nothing else, you learn that you're not really the only guy who's feeling this way. A lot of guys I've talked to in the bi and married situation have said that once they were able to talk to someone like me, it made coping easier but, oh, yeah - if they could, they would.
