Liberals, Conservatives, and Me on the Issues. Guns: Liberals: Believe that stricter anti-gun laws will significantly reduce the amount of violence in this country, they are operating under the belief that people no long have access to knives, swords, poison, motor vehicles or any number of things that can kill. Conservatives: believe that in order to rid ourselves of gun violence, every American should be strapped down with serious weaponary. Me: You don’t need a gun capable of shooting 50 rounds a minute to kill deer, unless of course it is some super deer created by: The environment: Liberals: Believe that the government, which is controlled by corporations, should heavily regulate all industry before global warming, or global cooling, or locust or some other natural disaster wipes the planet clean of us. Conservatives: believe that the best way to protect the forests is to cut down more trees. Me: I’ve seen way too many B-movies to believe that fucking around with nature so much won’t produce some interesting, and very pissed off (possibly 50’ tall) results. Abortion: Liberals: It is a women’s right to choose whether or not to carry a fetus to term. But it is all our responsibility to pay for it. Conservatives: Believe that women can’t be left to their own devices, and besides more children=more cheap labor. Me: A fetus is a fetus, a zygote is a zygote, and a baby is a baby. A fetus is not a baby, and a zygote is not a fetus, and neither qualify as life. We all know life begins at forty. Religion: Liberals: Freedom of religion is an important keystone in our civil liberties. Everyone should be aware and respectful of everyone else’s religion. Except for mainstream Christianity, which should mind it’s own damned business, shut up, and pay it’s taxes like the rest of us. Conservatives: Believe that posting the ten commandments will cure societies ills. Unless those ills go outside idolatry, Sabbath breaking, murder, father dishonoring, and coveting thy neighbors milkmaiden. Me: Religion has no part in anything remotely related to government. I don’t want Jesus on a stamp, but you are free to believe in anything you want as long as you don’t harass me with it (this applies to Christians, Jews, Muslims, shiks, Eskimos, and Nordic heathens) Education: Liberals: Believe that everyone should have access to a good education through post-doctorate. Provided by the public of-course. Conservatives: Believe that those who really deserve it get into college already. I mean, lookit George W. Me: I don’t like school and think that we should go back to an apprentice program. More to follow.
Just to add my own two cents: Military: Liberals- Who needs an army when you have the Peace corps? After all, any American civilians who get killed by foreigners deserve it because they live in a country that promotes corporatre imperialism. Conservatives- We need more uber 1337 tanks to demolish the middle East. Oil dosen't pump itself now does it? Social Security? Bah, who needs that when Joe America can fill up his Hummer with $1.50 regular unleaded and drive off getting 2 miles per gallon? Problem is Joe America lives in urban Chicago and only drives a Hummer because he has to compensate for his neddle dick. Me- We need an army to defend American interests, but not to be the American Expeditionary Force. When taking part in foreign military operations it's probably best to get others involved as well. Social Security Liberals- Let no elderly citizen, single mother, or unemployed lazyass be without a secure $25,000 a year in government money. On top of which we need universal healthcare and doctors to be made federal employees. Baby boomers tying up 75% of government revenue you say? We can't let a minor inconvenience like that get in the way of creating a quazi-communtist utopia! Conservatives- Social security? Go bury a mayonaise jar fulla singles in the backyard and dig it up when you get laid off for "decreaced productivity" at age 55. There's yer social security. Me- Government aid for those who genuinely deserve it. Obviously a single mother with 3 kids needs help and a poor old lady deserves free diabetes equipment, plus the work-for-welfare program needs to be completely redone. But a healthy 25 year old who is too lazy to get up and look for a job deserves nothing but a kick in the ass and a government funded "fuck you."
First off Eugene stop confusing conservatives with republicans, a conservative wouldn't want the 10 commandments posted in government buildings because he thinks the government should have little control. He doesn't believe in welfare but in private charity, and he doesn't want a huge army instead of a well trained heavily armed force.
I suppose we're just talking about different brands of conservatism here, with old-school Republicanism versus this new, nasty "neo-con" Republicanism mixed with Christian fundamentalism. What's the confusion between conservatives and Repubicans... the GOP basically represents most forms of conservatism.
Freedom Of Speech: Liberals: Believe that everyone should be able to profess their opinions in a public setting, unless of course they are professsing conservative viewpoints in which case they are an illinformed lard-ass. Conservatives: Believe that their point of view is oppressed by the left wing media, which apprently is millions of americans who accidentaly ran across Hannity, O'Riely, Limbaugh et all shouting at their radios: Shut up you illinformed ignorant lard-ass. Me: Free speech should have aboslutely no hinderences. Everyone world over (including Rush) should have the opportunity to express their viewpoints. This means that you have the right to say and believe what you want, but I also have the right to ridicule you mercilessly about it. Taxes: Liberals: Believe that taxes are a necisary evil that are vital to funding our needed social programs, like funding for fruit flies in Ghana. Conservatives: Believe that taxes should pretty much be abolished. They seem to want to go back to using war-booty to fund most of their social programs, like bombs for pissant oil rich third world nations. Me: The government has a responsibility to secure for their citizens the neccesary requirements for a good economy i.e.: Good health care, education, roads and security. If someone is that bloody interested in fruitflies or drilling for oil on Mars then they should do it with private funding.
And if you really believe all of what he said of the left wing, you sir are a fool. His post (and mine) are exaggerated to be funny and make a point, not to present serious political analysis.
b'dank. Oh, and if i do paint a pretty ignorant picture of conservatives, it is probably because i have a pretty limited experience of them... Funny, you thought that the leftwing jokes were serious.... you have some pretty fucking major issues.
I am not a left winger so I'm not about to speak out in there name. If they want to defend their views they can do it themselves. I will not defend them, because I know that if I try, I'll just get it wrong. So I'll just stick to my own views thank you. Uh hu I really believe that the Liberals think locusts are going to destroy earth. Gimme a break.
