Confused!!

Hi I need some advice. 3 months ago I met a great guy who,s 10 years older than me. we clicked and soon became close. two weeks ago we were in town having a coffee when an old guy came into the shop, looked around, saw my mate and in a very loud voice for everyone around to hear Oh look it,s the one nutted freak!!? I turned to my guy and he walked out. for 3 days I tried to contact him and finally asked what was going on. he told me that he had lost a testicle to cancer and didn,t want to tell me for fear i would leave. he also said that bhe didn,t want me to be branded as being the mate of a freak. What I can,t understand is why do some gay guys treat him this way. Is losing one testicle such a big joke. well four days ago i went to see him and was stunned to learn that he didn,t want to see me. he is sick and fed up of coping this crap. I asked him why take this attitude and he said well you saw what happened would you take that!! I can now see why he doesn,t believe in love and friendship any more. he,s been badly burnt because of what has happened. why cab,t guys love and accept him as he is instead of making a butt of their jokes. how can I make him see that I still want to be friends. i,ve treid everything to make contact but he refuses to return my calls please help he,s a great mate and I feel lost with out him

 

disfigured genitalia can make any guy feel inadequate, especially if his sexual partners reject him because of that. that's when it will hurt. however, i don't think losing one testicle is that big of a deal. and it certainly doesn't make him a freak. i would feel off myself if i only had one testicle, but it's better than sticking with cancer. the really sucky part of this whole thing is the fact that he takes other guys' taunting to heart. if that were me i'd just laugh and come up with a retort at their expense in turn. some people are more sensitive than others, and your friend too. he's clearly over reacting to the whole thing. you stay his friend by staying his friend. but if he keeps on shutting you out... i don't know, you can't really force him to interact with you, if you've told him it doesn't matter and he doesn't believe you i don't really know what else you could do.

 

hi meridan I agree that he maybe too sensitive about this issue but after watching some of the vicious crap he,s copped because of this issue i can understand why he no longer wants to associate with anyone and I can hardly blame him. the worst thing is now all his closest fiends are now getting in on the act, it,s like the whole town is using him as one big joke. it,s not easy to ignore some of the crap he,s copped even though he,s given back some nasty retorts he cops it worse. in one case he told one asshole that it was better to lose one nut than lose ones life to cancer.he retorted that there,s no f****** way he would F*** a guy wwho had one nut they are incapable of been any good at sex. I can only be proud of my mate because he,s fighting for his life i,ve benn able to talk to him and assure that no matter what happens I,m going to stick with him he,s worth more to me as a mate than anyone else. as afr as i,m concerned if anyone can live through cancer and cop the crap he has and still keep going is worth is weight in gold I only wish he could find a loving partner to support him it may change his life and make feel like he truly belongs thanks meridan for your reply and I welcome others responses

 

troll

 

Wow didn't realize people could be that insensitive, though I guess I've heard worse. Sounds like you guys should move away if possible. Anyways isn't there like a prosthetic ball they could leave in?

 

Hi Puddingtame, you.re right some people are very insensitive and some are downright cruel. i,d like to move away but my mate has commitments that he is unable to walk away from and as for a prosthetic ball docs told him that the chances of rejection and medical problems were high so he declined but in hindsight made having one fitted and putting up with the risks may have been bettewr than copping all the crap he has had so far. the weird thing is i don,t know how everyone found out as it was something that my mate NEVER talks about unless it,s with someone he really trusts and their few and far between. I can only surmise that someoensaw him naked somewhere and saw the results and it took off from there.

 

It's just sad that someone has to say something like that in a crowd. I can kind of see if the guy was comfortable with it, and the one saying it was a close friend, but even then, it really isn't acceptable.
I tip my hat to your friend for being as strong as he is.
It is possible that the person saying it was an ex or one nighter.

 

hi Picescub, you hit the nail on the head. but it was not an ex or overnighter as my mate has not been with anyone since he had the op which is about four years ago. imagine having to cop the crap he has for four years no wonder the poor guy finds it hard to even talk to people. but yesterday was the worst i,ve ever seen a complete stranger someone we don,t even know walked up to my mate in the shopping centre and at the top of his voice starting calling my mate some disgusting names. my mate started to retaliate but others soon joined in. some of the comments were so hurtful that we left. no one even tried to stop this guy. now my mate won,t even go down town now because of this crap. i mean what was he supposed to do, lose it or die from cancer. I know what I would choose and my mate wanted to live so out it came now he,s paying. the price. my mate is not asking for smypathy he justs wants to be loved and accepted as he is. Is that too much to ask. I,m sure if anyone else had to cop the crap he has for four years they,d soon start reacting. my mate has tried to fling crap back but it,s hard when every one else starts in on the act. you soon give up one against one is ok but one against a dozen or more there,s no way hje can win. I appreciate any ideas from others. and leaving,s not an option

 

Well, I think you have started on the right track, just being there for him as a friend.
About how old is your friend? If he is older, he could, with your help, take the a$$holes to court, and make them pay. The only real options are to try to continue to ignore it and continue on the way he has been going, move to another locale (which you already said wasn't really an option), or try to be come an advocate for cancer, make his story known.
Of course, other options are available, but I wouldn't suggest that they be used; You can always take one or two, and castrate them, and call them no-nuts, or other such names. You can start spreading rumors about them; You'd be amazed how quickly a rumor can ruin someone's reputation. There is always the option of just plain hurting them physically, stalking them until you catch each of them alone, and then beat the crap out of them. But again, I wouldn't suggest these options are a good idea. If you did want to go that route, I can give you lots of ideas to cause lots of pain. (I know, I could be very cruel if I wanted to, But I am not like that.) Otherwise, about the only option to get away from the crap is to move, and hang out somewhere else.
It sucks, that it has to come down to something like that.

 

Hi Picescub. WOW!! you,ve given me some good ideas, but no the best thing my mate does is just to walk away and ignore them. he says it,s not worth the hassle of tyring to fling retorts back. it.s just as effective to turn his back and say nothing. like an old saying goes you can argue with a retreating back or something like that anyway. my mate is older than me by 10 years but we get along great and after seeing what he,s copped I,m very proud of the way thi guy has keep going despite all what he has been through. I,m seriously thinking of dumping my partner who,s an asshole anyway just so I can be with my mate a lot more. if someone just just to get to know him they,d see a different guy. to be honest i think I,m falling in love with my mate because he,s determined to get on with his life even if it means spending it alone. he told me he.d rather live a lonely life than put up with the crap he has. if my partner and me don,t split I,d love to see him meet a great guy and fall in love. maybe then it may give these loud mouth dickheads something else to talk about. prove to everyone thats he,s someone worth loving, well one can only hope cheers

 

I just hope things get better for him, I know how tough crap like this can be. And you are doing the best you can by just being his friend. It is too bad that he isn't able to get out of the place, but I can understand that it is very difficult to have to move just because of some assholes! Obviously he is someone that can be cared for, as you obviously have a thing for him.
Again, I wish you all the best, and I hope things get better.

 

Hi Piscescub, well I,m not going to ask for advice anymore but thanks anyway to all who replied to my posts. my mate says thanks to all you,ve made him feel better about himself, i,ve told him that I have fallen for him and he knows where I stand but he won,t allow me to split with my partner just for him. our parting must be of our own accord. just for the record I can,t thank the f****** A$$hole who found out about my mate and plastered it all over a web page on the net. now it,s made my mates life a living hell, why the f/wit even put my mates name to it and a photo included, now even people he doesn,t know are making him abig joke. he,s had it and now he,s going to fight back. I,ve informed the website that I,m his solicitior and I,m taking legal action against them and all who are involved, this also includes anyone in town who has a go and believe me there,s a few he,s told he,s taking them to court and you want to see their reaction. they can,t say sorry fast enough. anyway bacause of whats happened lately I,m not posting anymore so I wish everyone the best if anyone would to chat with me my messenger address is constellation37@hotmail.com I welcome a chat or two.

 

Oh by the way just to clarify something here I,m not blaming anyone on the hip forums. the ones who have replied to my posts have been great. I only wish my mate could be as happy as some of you sound. the f/wit responsible will be found out and have the full weight of the law slammed down on his little ass .

 

Some gay dudes are downright bitches... Wouldn't even worry about him. Could probably get an army of perfectly capable one-balled dudes who'd be mighty angry at that sorry fuck for even saying anything. I don't even understand how cancer could be funny, or make you a freak? Whatever, sounds like that prick has issues of his own if he felt the need to publicly announce that.