Confused, perplexed, but desperate too!

I think sex outside marriage is a taboo in many communities! The more I learn and think about it I don’t understand the basis for this. At the outset I think it is because people’s inability to break free from legacy and their social values. In some societies, women get suppressed through their married life and they remain subdued without any opportunity to express their desires. On the contrary in some cases older men are deprived of sex because either partner attained menopause or so. In some cases one of the partner lacks interest or not reachable for whatsoever reason.

I am in one such situation. Luckily we live in a free world, a society with an understanding lot.
I am not sure how to move forward. The FWB websites and apps does not give me any confidence.
I am looking for decent and understanding connection.
Appreciate your advice!

 

I had to think on this for a bit of time and the first thing you have to be able to do is answer some questions: Who, what, where, when, why, and how. You can't just say that you want an FWB of a certain quality or go looking for one without being able to answer those questions with certainty and being committed to not only answering them but taking the necessary action to better refine your original answers. One of the problems guys make for themselves is coming up with the ideal guy to be FWB with and without thinking about whether such a guy actually exists - and then get all disgruntled because they can't find the FWB that lives in their head, but this is one of the "who" questions you must be able to answer.

What does "decent and understanding connection" mean? I know what it means to me - any guy who passes my three requirements so we can get to sucking each other off - and anything else is negotiable and I'm willing to talk and listen to a more involved proposal. Such connections rarely just happen and too many guys, it seems, do not want to do the work necessary to cultivate such connections and I can recall it taking five or six months to get a guy to the point where he's going to give me his cock to suck even though there was no "connection" to start with... other than me wanting to get into his pants. There are things you must understand, i.e., not every guy you may come across wants to be your FWB; he wants sex with you and be on his way and that's not a bad thing because that's how you gain experience in this and it's better to be friends before becoming lovers but, again, not everyone sees it that way.

There's a lot to think about and a gazillion questions to ask your answer and you have to answer them truthfully because bullshitting yourself ain't gonna cut it. Who. What. Where. When. Why. How. If you have fears, resolve them before you even take the plunge for the first time - oh, and have the answers to those six questions and a plan on how you're going to proceed... and then your plan should have a few plans, too. It's complicated; it's confusing; it's only going to be as hard as you make it so apply the KISS principle and don't overthink this.

 

@KDaddy23,
First of all l thank you so much for your detailed response! You are right! Honestly, I don’t have the answers to those questions. Perhaps it did not even occur to me.
But I am able to see answers to some of your questions now. I think I need to have an ideal FWB in my mind. Without setting expectations, I won’t be able to asses and justify myself that I get what I wanted. Perhaps there always are deviations from expectations, subject to one’s tolerance.

‘Decency’ - I mean respect and righteousness!
‘Understanding’ - life is not same for all. Lifestyle differs, habits, customs and beliefs differ.

I am quite clear that I don’t want to jump into action any soon. I just need to able sync on what we need leaving all other differences behind.

I’ll ponder the six questions. I can think of who and what. But where is something I failed initially in some phony web sites.

thanks again!
best regards

 

Good luck!