I have been talking to this guy for a few months and we've hung out a few times. The last time we did we ended up hooking up. We're supposed to meet up again next week and I'm looking forward to it but sometimes he acts strange. Right after we hooked up I brought up how neither one of us was looking for anything serious to put it out there. He asked me the other day if things were weird between us and after I said no he said "yeah I thought so when you said you weren't looking for a relationship immediately after we had sex". I thought it was an odd thing to say. Aside from that he's always mentioning girls hitting on him and trying to booty call him but plays it off like he's not interested. I just don't understand why he does this, is he trying to make me feel lucky for grabbing his attention? I never get the feeling that he wants anything beyond what we get up to, is this just an ego stroke? Oh and he told me about these girls before we ever hooked up so I don't think its a reaction to my poorly timed fwb speech.
fwb........ such relationships can always be a bit complicated, ideally both people should have their own relationships and just hooking up soley for sex, sharing minimal personal details and info. At least that is my thoughts after having one. Excuse me, but your guy sounds like a bit of an arsehole, busy bragging bout how desirable he is with others chasing him. On the other hand you say you are looking forward to seeing him again so maybe you r getting a bit more serious? You don't tell why you have a fwb - do u have another relationship which is maybe lacking in the sex dept.? Simon :sunny:
Sounds like even though you have this arrangement he maybe wants a little more out of it and you bruised his ego by saying it was nothing more! So he brings up other woman to build his ego back up to feel good about himself.
did he ever say anything to make you think he's not looking for anything serious, or did you just decide he wasn't because you weren't?
I was wondering about the ego thing but he's been like that pretty much from the get go. We met on a dating site and I picked him out because his profile said he was into "dating but nothing serious". I've just come out of a long and sexless relationship plus my schedule is pretty busy so the fwb thing seemed kinda appealing.
People don't always tell their real feelings on dating sites! They usually say what they think people want to hear! It sounds like he got upset about the idea that it was just random sex and you were not going to just be his girl. Some people just don't like the idea of sharing.
I was thinking that too but I still don't know why he was telling me about girls with crushes and girls who tried to booty call him since we started talking. He always tells me and then says he doesn't know why they assume he's a man whore. Don't know, for a casual relationship I sure am putting a lot of thought into it though. We chat online for a couple hours at least three times a week so maybe I've gotten more involved than I thought without realizing it.
What's any of it really matter? If you don't want anything serious, then enjoy fucking him and let the rest slide. Isn't that what that sort of relationship is supposted to be all about.....have fun and don't worry about getting bogged down with emotional baggage? Just my 2 cents.
most girls are only interested in guys that have other options. if he didn't tell you all about the other girls he could have, you probably would have dumped his ass on day one. so he says he wants to date, just not necessarily looking to get married or anything like that, and you decide that means he doesn't want to date.
No, I'm pretty sure I'd be attracted to him more without the girl commentary...which is problematic and does suggest I'm slipping out of fwb territory. As this is my first time doing something like this I think I shall take the advice of chilling out and enjoying it.
I kind of came to the conclusion of him not being into dating me after he acted flirty with other girls when we were out, I should have made that clearer so I followed his lead on that one.
There's danger of coming to conclusions based on observations of guy's behavior alone. Especially a guy's behavior that doesn't always follow logic, when he's trying to impress a girl, or show her he's got swagger and is "in-demand". Sorry but that's just the culture of dating, that guys are told to embody so they don't appear "clingy" and scare their date/possible crush away. --- As a guy, he could either be: 1. Trying to hard impress you in hopes to dating you exclusively. 2. It in it for sex alone, but needs huge self-ego strokes, which is why he says what he says and does what he does. 3. It's also possible he simply likes the open relationship sharing, and telling of past,present,future/possible sexual/romantic encounters with others. The act of telling these stories is a turn on and that's why he does it. --- My advice is don't over think it. If you have developed feelings for him; acknowledge it and don't be afraid to tell him and lose him. It's all for the best if it doesn't work out. But here's the thing, YOU HAVE TO KNOW WHAT YOU WANT! And stay true to that and your golden.
maybe he thought the fact you brought it up right after hooking up that maybe you didnt enjoy it so just wanted him as a fall back option (which is also kinda what fwb is too), so maybe he thought it was a reflection on his performance - or at least it went through his mind that it was possible. Sometimes people make fucked up connections to things and can't shake them. I do it all the time cos my head is a mess.
I'm sorry sweetheart, but having a healthy, FWB relationship is a myth. For a guy it will usually be okay, but for a female it is a mental health DESTROYER! Unless you are just a chick with an abnormally high sex drive or you're a sociopath, you're asking for trouble. Women are by nature nurturers and a FWB relationship goes against those parameters. Granted, some females have a really high sex drive and the sex alone meets a need that makes up for the lack of the soft and emotional side of a relationship women ultimately need.
@OP: Another possibility that no one has mentioned is that he might be jealous/insecure and the comments about how desirable other women find him are his way of letting it out passive-aggressively. As a women you have other options - and if you do online dating you have a *lot* of options. Some guys feel threatened by this because ultimately you could decide to ditch him and hook up with someone else whenever you feel like. The comments could just be his way of dealing with his insecurity by saying "I don't need you, I have lots of other options too" - its for his benefit as much as yours. Just because he doesn't want anything serious doesn't mean he won't get insecure - especially if he suspects you need him less than he needs you (which saying you didn't want anything serious directly after sex might have made him think). @Jocelyn001: Generalise much? Whilst there are differences between the sexes they are generally insignificant compared with the variance between individuals. The whole "women have to be nurturers and can't just enjoy casual sex" line just smacks of a cultural myth to me. People should decide for themselves what they want, not live for others expectations. Although I would make a distinction between "friends with benefits" (friends who have sex together) and fuck buddies/booty call (just sex with no personal connection). There are plenty of levels of connection short of wanting to be with someone for the rest of your life.
No I disagree, but see the general message you're trying to say. I think the mental strain one undergoes has less to do about gender, and more about the mindset (both conscious and unconscious) of the individual going into a relationship like this. But I've known guys who have entered into a friends with benefits relationship with the intention to change her mind for something more serious via good passionate sex. (I guess they get inspiration from the movies) Sometimes yeah the relationship evolved sure, but more often I see that the guys lose home and get depressed just as much as girls do, in a vice-versa situation. It all depends on what you take with you when it comes to expectations about yourself and the other person when you start a relationship like this. I personally don't recommend it for the above drama reasons.
I think the man side of the FWB arrangement always suspects the girl will want a relationship. In my own situation I had to reassure him for 6 months before he completely believed me. We're going on a year now, so it must have sunk in.
