Hi, all! I'm 18 and I sort of had a boyfriend who I met online after chatting for around a year. We met and everything, had fun, had my first sexual experience. He lives pretty far away, so I've only seen him 3 times. The last time I saw him though, I felt almost completely detached from him, i don't know why. I just felt like we weren't having fun together, he just wasn't giving me what I wanted emotionally. I haven't really spoken to him since the last visit. I've told two of my friends (both female) about my gay experiences. I'm going to tell the least amount of people as humanly possible, because I just can't handle everyone knowing, I'd have a panic attack. Since the last visit, I've sort of avoided relationships all together, and I've been using the substances to trick my brain into thinking I have what I want. But now I'm starting to feel the same way I did when I first started looking for a relationship with a guy. I just feel like I need someone who I can talk to without hiding anything, who genuinely will love just being around me without being motivated by sex(sometimes thats okay though ), someone who'll hold me, someone that gives me warmth and comfort, and makes me feel like everythings going to be just fine. The problem is that I'm way too shy to make an advance on anyone even when my mind has been altered in some way or another. Has anyone else been through this sort of insecurity? How did you handle it? This is something that has been deep seated in my mind for a while, and i just had to express it somehow. Sorry if this sounds kinda emotional, amphetamine comedown. Any thoughts/responses/advice/empathy are very much appreciated(except for drug addiction lectures). Thanks!!