Hi, I am half Taiwanese and half Filipino and I have a male colleague a Taiwanese who is a smart, gentleman, caring, thoughtful and sweet guy with a weird side, btw I’m 30 and he’s 37 we are both single for a long time because of our past relationship believe it or not he is 10years single and according to him he has no intention of having a relationship or commitment. I on the other hand a single mother of 1 kid and single for 6 years now, well He was hired and became my colleague 9mos ago and we instantly became friends, and soon started to care for each other. Like he buys me food when he went out, take me to clinic or hospital if i am sick, we always talk and almost do not ran out of topics to talk about. I got his back if he needed help, cares for him when he is sick but no physical involved. Our line of work is being a dormitory manager and translator, most of the time we are together we live in one dormitory with foreign workers, but have different rooms, we always see each other, we are the only ones in our so called office. The day came when he sort of like showing efforts, concern and care for me, he always thought of my comfort, health etc... like I said he always buys me food, bring hot soup when I am feeling cold, lets me use his scooter so I can travel faster, we always talk, laugh, get silly together, pranking each other from time time, you know small simple gestures. But he never told me anything whether he likes me or not, but on my part I actually fell for him, I realize that when I cried for something and it wasn’t his fault but he apologized, my heart stopped and for the moment I felt heat. One thing people notice about us is the way we talk and look at each other straight to the eyes, he’s 179cm tall but in front of me he acts like a big baby at times so for those who don’t know us might mistake us as a couple, that’s how close we are but not even in a mutual understanding, He actually knows how to make me happy, comfort me when I am sad and he is always there when I needed help, he always got my back. I cannot deny that I love him now. Last February he told me he filed for resignation, it felt like I was punched in my chest and leaving a hole, I cried because I cannot accept the fact that he’s gonna leave, I will miss him badly. Then I told him “I’m gonna miss you when you leave” he replied “do not worry, I will return here, not to work but to see you”. Then one day around End of March he suddenly ignores me, he always turns me down and simply don’t care, it goes on for a month, within those months I accidentally saw his search histories, he was reading articles about sex, even visited an online sex store, which triggered my long sleeping desire for sex. I even saw a dating site he’s on. It hurts badly I thought I have mistaken his actions, we almost turned into strangers. During those times I want him badly! Until Last week as if nothing happened we became close again and one day he offered to take me to Taipei to meet my friend, during the 40min ride we were talking but I am not sure if its me whose feeling awkward or he is somewhat tensed, while he was driving his body is angled towards me, of course I did not shy away I leaned a little, I felt the heat again during those times, and since then I kept thinking of wanting to have sex with him, I sometimes wonder if he feels the same for me, I keep on imagining the how he would touch me, ways he could hold me. But then I do not want to think that there is a possibility of us, I wanted to ask him out but I am afraid he would reject me, I believe that he would because for me his actions are vague I don’t even know if he likes me or not. Then we are back at it again, we are close again being silly with each other, having deep conversations, I was planning on his birthday which May 15th, I either tell him how I feel or invite him in just one night. I am really confused about him and my feelings. Please help me I need advice thank you
I'm sorry to see your heart breaking like this. There is so much there drawing you two together, yet it falls short somewhere. My advice, as much as it pains me, is to not assume it will ever be more than it is now. Being distanced from the situation, I know it's easier for me than you to say something like this. But I wish I could tell you what you need to do for your friend to open up and allow you more deeply in your life. But please note that I'm not telling you to lose hope in him ever doing that, but to have the proper perspective. It seems he has had a bitter experience of a romance ending. That shit's hard to recover from! I sympathize with him as I'm sure you do too, outside of any desires for him. Despite his disillusion, for lack of a better word, it seems he shares a special friendship with you. He enjoys his closeness with you, though he did take a break for a few months. Generally he likes and wants the closeness, it seems, but he's not taking the next step. If he weren't carrying the heavy burden of an unhappy romantic breakup, he probably would take that next step. As it is he's enjoying what he has with you but can't, or won't, get past a certain point, a point which you seem ready and eager to reach with him. I don't think it's a good idea to ask your friend out. With all this closeness you have with each other, things would eventually happen if they were meant to. But I'm not necessarily saying it's a bad idea to give him a piece of your mind. I don't know if it's a good idea just to sit him down and tell him how you feel about him, and I'm honestly not trying to sway you either way. All I know is you risk losing your friendship by being explicit and open with your feelings. It could cause tension that would erode your friendship. However, by detailing your feelings you would be putting your mind at ease and maybe even also actually easing tension that has been ignored. Not to get your hopes up, but maybe it would even trigger something in him to value the golden opportunity he has with you. But again I ask you to keep things in perspective. You desire so much with him, and I can't say I wouldn't be tempted in your position. Your conversations with each other seem like those that a committed couple might have. Maybe he needs a gentle kick in the ass to get things going, or maybe he has set a limit, for the time being or till the end of his life, on how far he will get with you or anyone else. It's difficult to say. Maybe being together like this and never giving up being with and for each other will seamlessly lead to that special closeness symbolized by sex. I wish that for you and for him. But don't revolve your existence around him. You might pass up other possibilities by remaining hung up on him, and you might pass up opportunities for yourself, not necessarily involving romance or intimacy with anyone, by remaining hung up on him. You're worthy of your own consideration at least as much as your friend is worthy of your consideration. He seems to be fighting a battle, and you can be helpful, but in the end there are some things only he can take care of, and as much as you want to take part in them, you just have to let him do them himself. This might or might not be something to mention to him too. If you say that mainly with the intention of helping him, I think it tends to be a good idea.
Thank you, I am not really comfortable on asking him out nor tell how I feel, its not I’m used to, also I fear rejection... I also sense that he is somewhat being cautious regarding his actions and he do sometimes slips... I just let him be, do what he wants... As a friend I’ll try to help him if he do want me to help... As much as it pains me there’s nothing I can do too... Thank you for answering...
You're welcome. I can see this is a tough situation. Be good friends to each other and persevere, but again be open to other options.
There IS something you can do and you already know that. You can ask him out. You can express your feelings. Is that a risky thing to do? Yes. You have to answer the question is the risk worht the reward or if you're not successful are you ready to live with the downside? Only you can answer those questions. Good luck.
