Confessions Of A Fat Girl (Probably Not You'd Think It Is)

I have always been a big girl. I've always been told I'm pretty but I'd look better if I lost weight. Almost all my friends are guys and they tell me I'm pretty and a great friend, but that's all I ever am is a friend. I don't like any of them other than friends, but when I try to meet guys I'm always turned into the friend. I'm never the one who gets approached by guys or hit on so I am always the one to make the first move and it sucks to get rejected of course but I feel like it's worse that I could be someone they'd like if I wasn't over weight.
This last week was my friend's birthday and she asked me to get a date to go to her birthday dinner. Of course I am not seeing anyone so I was not able to go. I definitely wasn't going to be the fifth wheel again. My friend's boyfriend has a friend that is super cute, single and is always around when I'm hanging out with them. I think he is flirty with me but he's pretty hard to read (and I'm very good at knowing when a guy is flirting or not). I'm not in love with the guy or anything like that, but I think we could really have a connection if we had the chance. I am not going to make a move in case I am reading him wrong and he is just overly nice.
I've tried to lose weight, but it's never worked. I've always thought if I was thinner I wouldn't always be the friend of all the guys and for once be the girl the guys want to date.

 

I have known many big beautiful women who had no issues finding dates, love, getting married, etc. Their size might have been a turn off to some men, but those men were not open to dating a larger gal. That's fine, considering most people tend to have preferences (some only date blondes, or brunettes, short girls, or tall girls, etc). If you aren't finding men attracted to you, perhaps you might want to consider the type of man you're interested in. There are men who absolutely love a nice curvy woman. If you make your weight an issue when looking for a partner, it will be what they notice about you too. If you have a great personality, intelligence, a quick wit, etc. and don't see your weight as a turn off, and are confident in your own body...a potential date will see a confident woman, who is curvy, and great company....and not someone who believes "If I was thinner guys would like me more" (and sorry, but that is a turn off on its own)

Good luck!

 

I love larger ladies myself..don't worry sweety..there is someone for everyone, and a lot of us like 'curvy' girls. Be yourself,.my defination of beauty encompasses everything that a couple can do together that makes them happy..bottom of the list is body type....life is not like a movie or porn shoot.,

 

so next time say to your prospective friend, there is a birthday party....wanna come with me?
Approach it with confidence and out of friendship,with no pressure and see if there is a real connection of any kind.

Society has put into the minds of many that the anorexic look is the best way.....and look at the models.....so it is unrealistic expectations of yourself if you are just a curvy lady...look at Raphael paintings from years ago...the women were robust in many of the paintings portraying real woman, the standard for beauty then....If you are really not fat.....where in that case, it is better to slim down for health reasons....then accept yourself and be one step forward in the fight for all females who are like you. All it takes is confidence.

 

I'm like the OP in the sense that I've always been fat too, but that never prevented me from getting dates and such. I can now say while looking back that my success with men definetely improved when I started to feel good about myself and being self confident. As a self loathing teenager I remember clearly my romantic life was a total blank, no guy was ever interested in being more than friend with me, but that's because I was sending off negative vibes. I didn't carry myself, dressed, acted or took care of myself the same way that I do now that I love and accept my body, and those things make all the difference in the way people perceive others. Lack of confidence and self loathing can be felt by other people, which can in turn influence the way they see you, they end up seeing what you see in yourself. I'd say start by building some self confidence, go shopping with a friend for those clothes that will emphasize your assets, get a backrub or start a physical activity of some kind for example (not for weight loss but for fun and feeling good in your own skin, sport is great for that). Also don't rush or have expectations (they ruin all the fun anyways), but also don't give up! You'll meet someone who genuinely loves you and thinks you're beautiful someday.

 

OP, I know how hard this is for you. You don't say how old you are or if you've ever had a relationship, but I'm guessing you may be pretty young.

There is way to much body-shaming and fat-shaming going on the world but people are starting to fight back. Ironically, most of these come from other women, more than men.

A lot of the comments here are right. There are men who adore large curvy women. You just need to find them. You might need to do that on your own and not depend on your friends.

I'm a big girl too, and I learned that it's my attitude, smile and sense of humor that attract people more than my looks and size. I know it's easier said than done, but try to think of yourself as beautiful. I read blogs about plus size women who have a great attitude about their bodies and that can help you see that the idea that all women are only beautiful if they are a size 2 is totally wrong.

I've been told by a lot of guys... "I don't care what you look like or what you wear... I only want you to be interested in me, not be self conscious about yourself and want to have a good time"... they don't notice the things we obsess about like stretch marks and the number on the scale.

Losing weight is hard, but it can happen, but seriously... losing weight isn't going to change anything until you change your attitude and outlook about yourself and your life. It's true... you can't love someone else until you love yourself... Yes it's a cliche, but it's a cliche for a reason.

 

I'm going to go against what seems to be the predominant view on this sort of thing.

Don't try to attract someone who loves your beautiful mind and is repulsed by your body.

Being honest about the situation, if you're fat, find someone who wants to fuck fat girls (or guys, or whatever). You probably shouldn't be judging those who would happily fuck your own type, you know? It sets a pretty fuckin' masochistically high bar, if you're trying to find somebody with no real interest in mating with you, who will be your mate anyway, because of your beautiful brain.

We're physical objects, that are obsessed with sex. So having someone sexually interested in your physical shape is not a bad starting point for a relationship.

I know, respect, or something - well I think there's some respect inherently lacking from wanting to entrap people in a way that flatters you, and makes them miserable - they wouldn't be with you, but you're sooooo amazing, that they don't even see your body (you know, that thing you're made of)..... yeah, fuck that.

So basically if you can't or won't lose weight, better get chasing those chubby chasers. If someone appears to be into you, don't just assume they're being nice, unless that's the only way you're interested in them.

 

Roo, I guess I must have missed the part where the OP said she was trying to entrap someone....????
so you seem kind of harsh and shallow with what you wrote here, imo. I have a nice body, but I would never date you for fear that if I gained weight some day, you would lose interest. That is not love.....I don't know how old you are, but I know that is the mind thinking of many immature people.....love knows no size, shape, etc...no,not real love.

 

Someone could say to you? What??!!...you don't have a gazillion dollars to spend on me?!...then forget you,....would you want to date that person then? I don't think so. You would probably think it shallow, yet that is how some girls are, too.

 

Good point, you should look for people who are specifically not sexually attracted to you, in case you ever change into something that they are sexually attracted to.

Because misery and repression are the only to be moral - you have to love people for who they're not, loving them for who they are is shallow and manipulative and taking advantage - you can only fuck fat girls out of pity (if they have an amazing personality), not because you like it?

As to me and female weight, I can go either way - but neither extreme.

As to those who would not pick me because I don't have money - that's excellent, because I don't have money, that would be a fucking disaster of a match wouldn't it?

 

You are way ahead of me here...I did not have her in the bedroom with her prospective friend...the OP...I gave her advice to ask him next time to go with her to an occassion to see if there was any connection..... or real attraction.....right?....so what the hell are you talking about?
You don't think big girls can be sexually attractive to anyone? Different strokes for different folks, right?
You are talking about how you feel about it...i was speaking universally....

 

I have also seen people, who are in love, lose weight, as they do not need alot of food to fill them feeling happily in love....and because they want to, and are happier......and then out comes a different person, and the other person may not like the thin, either....lol
Being funny....if really in love, it should not matter really....people are sexually attracted to different things.
I have to be in a state of some sort of trust emotion first...i can not just look at someone and feel that not knowing anything else.....so that is just me. We are all different.

Of course, if you just want a bed mate...that is a whole different ball game, and go for the looks then.

 

I'm really pretty sure you haven't read any of what I wrote in this thread.

 

and what makes you think that?

 

When I said then go for the good looking ones, I hope it goes without saying, that beauty is in the eye of the beholder....and what may be beautiful to one, may be repulsive to another, and vice versa.

 

16 years ago when my husband and I started dating I was in excellent physical shape (size 7, and well toned). Over the years my health has taken a turn for the worse. With numerous surgeries, and medications, my once 'hot' body is no longer what it used to be. Even though I am not in the same physical shape I was in when we began dating, my husband still tells me how beautiful I am, we still have an active and passionate sex life, and he still can't keep his hands from playing with my ass every time he is close by.

When you love someone, you understand, and are compassionate and kind when their body changes. (I will say if I had gained the weight just because I ate junk food and was lazy, I would fully expect it to upset him) Granted, he could have found me unattractive when I gained weight, but he never has, because in his words "I fell in love with YOU, not what size of clothes you wear." I don't like the weight I have gained, but I don't constantly dwell on it either. I still eat healthy, and try to stay active, but I now have limits on what my body will tolerate without excruciating pain. Most days I push through it, but some days I just can't. So, I have to accept who I am now....which is a much better alternative than being angry, bitter, and blaming my weight on all of my problems. It took me a while, but I learned that my perception of my body is exactly that, mine. What other people think doesn't bother me, because I only respect the opinions of people who matter to me.

 

When I don't know someone and they say they are fat on the internet, what does that mean? In today's age, being 125 pounds instead of 90 pounds may be considered fat.....LOL
It is not a joking matter, but anorexics always see themselves as fat no matter what skeletons they become......so when you say you are fat and big, OP, what do you really mean?

 

Well said!..There is someone for everyone in this world..I myself "LOVE!!!" a curvy girl

 

Let's hear it for the curves....
I am curvy....does not matter how thin or fat I am....same curves never go away....LOL

Caution...road curves ahead......

 

I just want to say that my current, very sexy, girlfriend is a big woman. I don't know what she weighs, but she's bigger than me for sure and I weigh about 175. On Saturday, we had sex three times! Her body really turns me on.