coming out later in life

Discussion in 'Lesbian' started by africa_dreams26, Apr 28, 2013.

  1. Is anyone else waited till they were older to come out? I am 26 and just now telling people and coming out of the closet. My parents are very close minded so I am not sure how they will handle it.
     
  2. StoneFeather

    StoneFeather Member

    Who cares what your parents think, at least you're not lying to yourself anymore. They should support you no matter what your orientation may be.
     
  3. silk896

    silk896 Member

    The world is full of women in your circumstance, who for a variety of reasons have suppressed or not fully realized their sexuality till later in life

    Moi!!! (I knew I was "different" at a younger age than you, but didn't actually come out till near 30)

    The fact that you have come out to yourself is the hardest "coming out" What happens now will not be easy, but know, what you have been for all your years is not going to change because you tell someone that you're lesbian.
    You're still you.

    Be aware, as anyone who has gone through the process can attest, relationships/friendships may change. Everyone is different. It can be hard.
    Probably after yourself, coming out to immediate family - children, parents, husband is most difficult.
    (I have 2 brothers. One embraced me, the other (a lot older than me) has had as little to do with me as he can - s**t does happen)
    There is no "How to" manual. Just be honest with yourself, and know you are still you.
     
  4. Thanks both of you. I know I just have to be honest with everything and just accept however they act.
     
  5. I'm 20 years old and I am not planning on telling my parents anytime soon, I honestly don't think that it's their business
     
  6. LEZZYLOVr

    LEZZYLOVr Guest

    I came out to my friends and family at the age of 30. I had been datibg my gf for about 4 or 5 months. I really did not think my parents would "approve". They accepted it. This happened less than a year ago so u think they are still trying to deal with it. They treat my gf like family but no one really talks about us being gay. They don't call her my gf they call her by nname. And when we are out and about they call her my friend. But...I'm ok wirh that I am not "out" to everyone...just my closest friends and family. My job dosnt know but I don't think its any of their business. My gf has been has for many years while this is a newer thing for me. She doesn't understand my reasoning for evverything I do or don't do but she accepts me. My friends have been more than accepting.
     
  7. Bodeilla

    Bodeilla Guest

    I came out in my 30's to everyone. My parents said they didn't approve. But then 2 years later they were asking about my GF and now they deeply care about my current relationship. I am who I am.
     
  8. AceDizzle

    AceDizzle Guest

    I'm only 19 so I came out quite young. My family were all very supportive, my Dad was very surprised! lol. but most of them already had an idea lol. It definitely felt soooo much better to come out - doesn't feel like I'm living a lie anymore. Good luck :)
     
  9. AceDizzle

    AceDizzle Guest

    Even my very strict Christian Grandma and my very traditional old skool Grandad and Nan accepted which I was grateful for
     
  10. I have a unique situation....i was outed by my ex best friend a few months after i started dating my now ex. i never had the opportunity to talk to my parents about it because when it happened, it was a huge blow up. i was 22 at the time and things were really bad with my mom. she didn't approve and couldn't understand. she called me names, told ke i was going to hell and all sorts of other shit. since then (4 years later) we have a great relationship. she still doesn't understand, but we just don't talk about it. my famiky accepted my gf as family and when we recently split up, my mom was very supportive and didn't throw anything in my face, which is normal for her. now she asks me about my friends and wants to know if one of them is my new "friend" haha she's too funny. but i seriously thought i would be disowned and was willing to give up everything for this girl. i think it is easier for parents when they realize you are still you. they might not ever accept it but tolerate it. it's your life, live it for you! Be happy and embrace who you are!
     
  11. Kahlan

    Kahlan Member

    I agree with this. I think it would be hypocritical of us to expect anything more than tolerance. Would it be nice? Yes, but honestly some ppl have views and beliefs that would make full on accepting or embracing near impossible. When I run across certain types of ppl, I expect them to be tolerant and to treat me normally, nothing more. They don't need to love me, hell I probably don't love them, so be it.

    Obviously this gets more sticky when it's a parent.

    "Who cares what your parents think,"

    Actually many of us care a lot what our parents think. Obviously not all parents are created equal but in general if you have decent parents who love you and raised you then we should care what they think, and even if we pretend we don't, we are often impacted a lot by the way our parents feel about us. If we truly did not care, we would tell them we are gay on day one.

    I'm mostly out. I treat my orientation rather privately. I suppose the same as many heterosexuals do. I do not flaunt the fact that I'm gay nor do I go out of my way to hide it. I'm neither ashamed nor proud. It just "is."

    My parents know, my siblings know, most of my closer friends know, and a few ppl at work. Beyond those who I felt a "need" to tell, I really just let ppl I am acquainted with find out on their own through word of mouth or observation.

    Though I am very pragmatic about the whole issue, it has not always been easy. My mother struggled, and still struggles with it a lot. I suspect my sister may struggle a bit too, but she hides it better than my mother does.

    What I try very hard NOT to do though, is be overly paranoid about what I think others feel about my orientation. I have found that it is often my own biases that self destruct relationships, and not the other way around. I honestly cannot be bothered with playing the constant guessing game about how others feel about me, regarding anything really. It just makes me hard to get along with. I become my own worst enemy, and I see that happen with gay ppl all the time. I had one gay friend call a guy she works with a "homophobic tool" because of the way he treats her sometimes. She assumes this because she is a lesbian...my own opinion is quite different. I think it has nothing do do with her orientation, and everything to do with her own myopia. I've seen this guy in action, he treats me completely differently. I just think he feels she's lazy at work, lol.
     

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