Co-sleeping - Discussion Topic

Discussion in 'Attachment Parenting' started by merrijayne4, Dec 11, 2007.

  1. merrijayne4

    merrijayne4 Member

  2. I respect the personal choices of others, but I have to say that overall I'm not for co-sleeping. I think it's for people who must have less than active sex lives. What do you do at night when you want to sleep with your mate? Tell your child to leave the room for a while until you're done? Have sex outside your own bedroom (not a bad idea, but not for every night)? Also, doesn't sharing a bed teach a child to be needy? Perhaps a child who grows up and clings to a bad mate in fear of sleeping alone? I have a friend who had that opinion about his own Mother's co-sleeping habit with him.
    With that said, it is easier when your child is still in breastfeeding stages. I enjoyed not getting up everynight in the middle of the night to walk to another room.
  3. TurquoiseRose

    TurquoiseRose Member

    I co-sleep with our baby and it is much more accommodating. There is less fear and separation for the baby. Once he is older and more independent, he will sleep alone.

    You just have to be cool with getting in on anytime you can, wherever. So really, that sounds like a MORE active sex life. And more inventive.

    Sleeping in a crib, alone, in another room seems like a crazy scary transition from the womb, ya know?

    Thanks for the links!
  4. Kalii

    Kalii Member

    I'm the complete opposite, we co-slept with my son until he was over 1, then on and off until he was afew month shy of 2. The bed isnt the only place you can have sex, at all - infact it actually made mine and my partners sex life better, more adventurous, more spontanious etc.
    It also definitely did not teach my son to be needy, infact the complete opposite, we decided he would sleep 100% of the time in his own bed when he was nearly 2 and he had no problem doing so, he trusted us more and was comfortable knowing he could come in with us had he been scared or anything, he now sleeps better than all my friends children, he never ever wakes during the night and associates bed time with a pleasent feeling rather than the drudgery of being alone that most children feel about bed time which makes bedtime much a much easier time than my friends and family who didnt cosleep seem to have.
  5. GaiaGomena

    GaiaGomena Member

    I am totally of the mind that it is a transition, and it actually encourages independance later because you give the child the opportunity to "grow out of" sleeping with mum and dad, and have their own big kid bed and bedroom. My daughter is only 8 months now, and I am single, so I have no sex life whatsoever at the moment, so for now it is about convenience and bonding. she sleeps better next to me, her meals are right there if she wants one, none of this getting up at 2am to go into her bedroom, and having to lay her back in the crib after she falls asleep nursing. Obviously I haven't had the "you're a big girl now, and that means you are ready to have your own bed! yaaay!" talk with her yet, but many of my friends had very positive experiences when making the switch with their toddlers.
    It is my theory, too, that the children who choose for themselves to sleep in their own beds, or are at least led to believe that it is their decision, have more of a sense of accomplishment and independence and see it as a milestone rather than a horrible ordeal. And like Kalii mentioned, a child who has warm fuzzy feelings about bedtime will probably sleep better, and be less likely to kick and scream or be afraid of being alone when bedtime rolls around.
  6. Be careful - My little brothers were stuck sleeping together because of a lack of beds, and it was supposed to be temporary, but my parents screwed up a bit and now they still cannot sleep apart, not even years later. They are 10 and 12, and they'll throw a fit and continue sneaking into eachother's beds at night. I understand that this topic is about infants, but this bad habit started when they were infants and my parents didn't have the knowledge and experience to prevent it from carrying on for upwards of a decade.

    Does anybody have any advice about my mess above, or do you think that should go into a different topic since it's not about the mother-child bond?

    Edit: Btw, about what you guys were mentioning about the sex life situation. Keep in mind that back in the day, it wasn't uncommon for entire families to share a single room. I don't want to go into details about how they solved the sex situation - but I'm sure that you can guess people were not shy about it (as I have gathered from reading historical novels - I may be wrong.)
  7. MissBHave

    MissBHave insert clever phrase here

    i'm a single mom so the sex life thing isnt an issue but my son is 17 mos and he sleeps in his crib pert time and with me part time. i lay him down in his crib at night and at some point in the early morning he usually( not always) wakes up and wants to come into bed with me. also at nap time he usually will just crawl into my bed and take his nap when i tell him its time. it seems to be working. we never have a melt down when it comes to bed time and nap time so i can't see how it could be wrong
  8. My kids are now 11 and 9, but we co-slept for years, and they are fine, independent, confident children. We do not co-sleep any more, except for Saturday and Sunday mornings, when I get to sleep in. ;) They wake up before dawn and come into my big bed and watch a movie or sleep until I wake up. It keeps them out of trouble and we eat up the cuddle time.

    BUT... I am a single parent, so my sex life falls outside of the norm. I will not bring a partner into my kids' lives unless we plan on living together, so my sex life and their co-sleeping, ne'er the two shall meet. ;)
  9. MissBHave

    MissBHave insert clever phrase here

    yes, i totally agree
  10. GaiaGomena

    GaiaGomena Member

    I love being able to snuggle up with my daughter and be the first thing she sees every day, but sometimes I do worry that it could turn into seperation anxiety later in life.. because she doesn't have a father figure, I want to be twice as good a mother, and let her know that I'm always there for her, but I hope getting used to this closeness doesn't turn into a constant need for companionship later in life. You hear about girls who have issues from growing up without a father... It seems a little far-fetched to think this could turn into serial dater or something, but it's still something I wonder about.
  11. junegloom

    junegloom Member

    my parents co slept with my brother and i and now both of us are scared to sleep alone and i need a hall light on. i try to sleep on my own at night but it's so lonely and dark and scary so my brother and i dont sleep next to each other but we sleep in the same room or else ill sleep near my dog. i'm 20 which is incredibly embarrassing and i might be moving out in the next couple of years and my biggest anxiety is sleeping alone :S
  12. antihippie

    antihippie Member

    As a baby it is fine, up until probably 5 years of age. Then the kid needs to learn to master their fears. I know some people say hey we are mammals and we have only been learning to sleep alone within the last couple of decades, if that, but bullshit this is also how kids found out about sex, are parents willing to have sex in front of their kids to because that was the "natural and traditional" way for centuries?

    My partner is a big softie and let my step son sleep with us till he was 12 years old! I thought it was fucking ridiculous, if your kid is bigger than you it is time for them to learn to sleep alone. She was very insistent and pissed off with me saying stuff like "he'll get over it on his own eventually" one night I just let off and said it is creepy that an almost grown ass man needs to sleep with mommy and he overheard me and has never slept with us since.

    I felt kind of like an A-hole and lost a couple weeks of loving but I felt it was worth it.
  13. makihiko

    makihiko Official hippie since 2005

    ewwww babies!
  14. MamaPeace

    MamaPeace Senior Member

    I co sleep with my daughter every night, she is 13 months, I split with her dad but have a new partner (she hasn't met him and I don't plan on that for a long time). When he comes over we go into the living room and thats where our sex life takes place, I love it too as its different.

    My daughter is extremely confident, and not clingy at all, she will happily sleep alone if I was to put her into another room but I choose not to, we babywear too, around the house and out and about, she loves it and so do i, it creates such a great bond, the baby years and cuddles on demand won't last forever so I'd rather make the most of it now :)
  15. MamaPeace

    MamaPeace Senior Member

    Were the same age, and im like this too but my parents and i never co slept, not even at the newborn stage, i was in a crib in my own room by the age of 4 weeks!

    I think either method of sleeping can cause bad sleeping habits, its down to the child rather than the method as such.
  16. usedtobehoney

    usedtobehoney Senior Member

    I co-sleep with my daughter almost 5 and almost 2. I am single, but also did it when I was still with their father. Sex life didn't suffer from co-sleeping, when our oldest was just a baby we would stay in bed, when she got older we'd go to another room, it was an easy routine to maintain. Both of my kids can sleep by themselves, but we have just one room right now and since they're nursing it is easier to sleep together. Also, sometimes my daughter sleeps on the chaise lounge, or on the bed, or on the floor and we all switch sometimes, but usually we all sleep together.

    Also, I co-slept with my mom until I was about 8 years old. When I got my own room and bed, I had no problem sleeping by myself. I also got my own TV and radio and feel asleep listening to my radio most nights.
  17. Copperlash

    Copperlash Guest

    I co-slept with all four of my children. I feel it kept our bond strong and it certainly helped with nightly breastfeeding, especially with the twins. We're all a pretty close family. None of them had trouble when it came to heading on to their own rooms and beds. As for the sex issue, you become inventive with where and when and it can spice up your love life.

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