Circumstance generally I’m fond To make that one certain and unique bond Between lovers and foe But this day I’m hopeful No good to be doubtful For sappy like woe Beneath this exterior of glass Lies a shattered and foiled like past Complete with salt and brine A texture of rough and rugged Nothing like a soul left jagged Meant to be made up mine But, this day I’m hopeful No good to be doubtful Was good once to say But, now I’m left mournful And my eyes a bit scornful To me another day.
Here's the thing Circumstance (why use this word twice, its your title) generally I’m fond To make that one certain (lose one of these words) unique bond Between lovers and foe Today I’m hopeful No good to be doubtful or sappy like woe Beneath this exterior of glass Lies a shattered and foiled like (lose the word like here) past with salt and brine A texture of rough and rugged Nothing like a soul left jagged Meant to be mine BuT, Today I’m hopeful "No good to be doubtful Was good once to say" But, now I’m left mournful my eyes a bit scornful.
Why change a poem that is already written? It's like changing the past. I like my wording... just the way it is, thank you.
yeh... i get what u mean....i also don't get re-drafts myslef just spontaneously write it and u find it usually takes form.....but changing ppls work in my eyes is not on
light touch criticism is healthy...I agree that once written it's very difficult to change a piece - I very rarely do it myself - but sometimes the criticism is helpful in allowing you to view your writing in a fresh light, as the "uninitiated" reader sees it, if you will. And sometimes, if making minor adjustments can increase your audiences pleasure, you should not be so quick to condemn the feedback. Declining politely is all that is necessary, in the knowledge that that person sees the world through different eyes. If I had commented earlier, I admit that I too would have made suggestions about structure, punctuation ,use of language, and asked questions about things I was unclear on, wanted to delve deeper into etc, in the hope that I could understand fully and be enlightened. Having read this thread now I make no comment on the poem itself.
