Circumstance

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by Silent_concubine, May 26, 2004.

  1. Circumstance generally I’m fond
    To make that one certain and unique bond
    Between lovers and foe
    But this day I’m hopeful
    No good to be doubtful
    For sappy like woe
    Beneath this exterior of glass
    Lies a shattered and foiled like past
    Complete with salt and brine
    A texture of rough and rugged
    Nothing like a soul left jagged
    Meant to be made up mine
    But, this day I’m hopeful
    No good to be doubtful
    Was good once to say
    But, now I’m left mournful
    And my eyes a bit scornful
    To me another day.
     
  2. ravenapples

    ravenapples Member

    Here's the thing

    Circumstance (why use this word twice, its your title) generally I’m fond
    To make that one certain (lose one of these words) unique bond
    Between lovers and foe
    Today I’m hopeful
    No good to be doubtful
    or sappy like woe
    Beneath this exterior of glass
    Lies a shattered and foiled like (lose the word like here) past
    with salt and brine
    A texture of rough and rugged
    Nothing like a soul left jagged
    Meant to be mine
    BuT, Today I’m hopeful
    "No good to be doubtful
    Was good once to say"
    But, now I’m left mournful
    my eyes a bit scornful.
     
  3. Why change a poem that is already written? It's like changing the past. I like my wording... just the way it is, thank you.
     
  4. roly

    roly Senior Member

    yeh... i get what u mean....i also don't get re-drafts myslef just spontaneously write it and u find it usually takes form.....but changing ppls work in my eyes is not on
     
  5. littleskinny

    littleskinny Member

    light touch criticism is healthy...I agree that once written it's very difficult to change a piece - I very rarely do it myself - but sometimes the criticism is helpful in allowing you to view your writing in a fresh light, as the "uninitiated" reader sees it, if you will.


    And sometimes, if making minor adjustments can increase your audiences pleasure, you should not be so quick to condemn the feedback. Declining politely is all that is necessary, in the knowledge that that person sees the world through different eyes.

    If I had commented earlier, I admit that I too would have made suggestions about structure, punctuation ,use of language, and asked questions about things I was unclear on, wanted to delve deeper into etc, in the hope that I could understand fully and be enlightened.

    Having read this thread now I make no comment on the poem itself.
     

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