Cigarettes (or a pseudo-literary epiphany)

They are the only aspect of my life with no redeemable quality...totally arbitrary. I have several addictions, and yet each of them brings me something ---not so with cigarettes. It's an absurd invention (like most of what is human invention).

I thought about it, and thought about it and I finally realized (now that I'm certain I am strong enough to quit any physical addiction) that what makes it difficult for me to quit smoking is that it has a certain role in my days...that of the filler.

It is a thoughtless intermission between one action and another: I leave the subway, I smoke. I get done with paper work or a poem, I take a few drags. I undergo a moment of extreme anxiety and decompress, I smoke. I fuck, I smoke. I wake up or eat, I smoke. I win or lose a given sum gambling, etc. ad nauseum...

Tobacco has become indicative of the basic rhythm of my existence, like bars on the sonata scoresheet...

Initially I was trying to find a substitute for cigarettes. Maybe those funny looking chinese balls made of metal so I can switch them in my hand???

But I realized today that, since cigarettes fulfill no specific purpose at all, if it is simply an imaginary beat to my music, the only thing that can substitute for cigarettes is nothing at all.

Statement of intent: I hereby wish to let my breathing be the nothing which envelops the rhythm of my waking hours...

 

good luck

 

If you really want to quit smoking, I'd suggest a radical change of environment, which will put you out of your smoking routine.

I myself.... have no intention to quit smoking anytime soon. Me likely.

 

i had a pseudo-literary epiphany earlier myself..but more so on the human experience and the disconnect between human conection..and the possiblity that this disconnect may be the cause of the rise in depression and mental illness in society and the breakdowns ...such as shootings..that are happening...i was just thinking about existance and the human expierence the collective unconscious..how even as advanced as our society is we seem to have lost simple courtesies and ...many things actually.....i can blame alot of this thoughtfulness on waking life and existentialism in general...
very thoughtful morning...also thinking about how sore my throat is and i need some tea

good luck with quitting smoking, it is a difficult thing, and also a great thing
~i hope that you can achieve it

 

Just remember as far as you break down reality, it is all positive in its existance, which is Love or whatever you want to call it. It all really is as simple as two options, acceptance of love or rejection out of fear (ignorance)

 

My boyfriend just recently quit with me... I'm a lucky one I have never had a hard time quiting.. I started smoking when I was extremely young the only time I wasn't smoking was when I was pregnant..then when I was asked to quit but my ex.. I just did.. that simple
but him (my boyfriend) on the other hand.. major addiction.. I had asked him to quit a few times before but he had a way hard time with it.. then when we moved to Colorado I figured it was the perfect time to try again.. at first there was just no smoking in doors then after a couple of weeks he made the leap.. it was difficult to say the least but only for a short while then things got easier... we pretty much just stayed busy a lot.

seriously good luck

 

i agree, i wasn't necessarily breaking down reality
what i reached was an idea of connection, human connection is what is positive in life..and in our society there is a disconnect between our human connection, connecting to people on a greater level..we have interaction..but i don't think it's really enough..there were alot of thoughts though...
love, love is an example of that connection that we have to other human beings...and there doesn't seem to be as much love...love may just be a word but it's the energies we past between ourselves that i'm getting at..
we seem to take engery from others rather than pass it on and back and forth...
oh man..it's just such an expansive topic..so many thoughts, so many ideas...hard to explain in typed words... i don't think i'm getting it across

 

Of course you are getting it across I completley understand your thought on this subject.
But in seriousness, you are attempting to understand this connection, what I like to call the web of concioussness, or God, whatever. And in order to even think about this, we have to break it down to its essence. And that is breaking down just one part of reality, although one of the biggest

 

have you ever read the celestine prophecy?
it comes to mind

 

No not that I remember! I just agree with you 100% that the love of connection (acceptance of that fact that we are all 1) is what binds the universe, or universes

 

There is indeed a general level of anomie/alienation. And it tells me we're headed for a period similar to 1914-45...just a hunch.

 

I thank all the well-wishers. I'm right now shaking due to nicotine withdrawal. I love it!!!

 

yep, me too. I think I've been off them five or six days. fun.

 

my nicotine break actually coincides with an all-around sobreity break as well. no way I would quit smoking fags if I were taking drugs, or drinking in particular.

 

I just smoked 3 cigarettes...so far. Yeah, I quit smoking once (for 2 years) and I had to go on the wagon for 4 or 6 months before I was able to taper off.

 

yeah. five years ago, maybe I could have a few beers without cigarettes. now, that's just unthinkable. I would rather not drink, than drink without smoking.

 

Drinking without smoking is truly a punishment.

 

No shit.

 

then blow without smoking is torture.

 

I never did blow...or junk, or E, or opium, or anything other than a little marijuana.

I guess you can tell I've had a lifelong problem with alcoholism.